Breaking News!!!!!!!!!!!!

Matt Drudge is dead!

Police have George Soros in custody and have learned that Drudge's assailant was personally ordered to kill the popular newshound by the angry Greek socialist. The police know the name of the assassin but for security reasons they are unable to identify him at this time. Unofficially they have no motive, but off the record we have learned that Drudge was killed after receiving in the mail a copy of Obama's birth certificate.

(And to think it happened on the same day that The Guardian switched to Twitter-only! The odds must be 1-365!