Well, that was disgusting

For future reference, March 2003 steaks are no good 42 months later.

This website might keep these mistakes down to a minimum.

I am not a leader of men, since I prefer to follow. Do you think I could have a drink, since it's so hard to swallow

It appears though I have taken a major leadership role with my return to regular postings. (Who knew I had such influence).

Colby Cosh finally returned to posting after an 8 day hiatus a mere 100 minutes after I "broke the seal" with Post #300.

Now ABFreedom has posted after an 8 day hiatus.

Even Mike Jenkinson got into the act. Hell, even Lorne Gunter has started this heavy posting thing.

Naturally, we will ignore that the last two started posting before Post #300 over here. (We can safely do that, as the influence over the first two examples is more than impressive enough). We also will sweep under the rug that this all coincides with the return of lousy weather.

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Speaking of Nickelback while we're here, I see that again frontman Chad Kroeger has been charged with drunk driving. He was arrested in late June, bu the charges were being held or suspended or whatever the Lotuslanders call it. It seems the charges have now been filed. No word if this is all just an effort to jump on the Mel Gibson bandwagon. Matthew Good comes across as a really really creepy Jew sometimes...

Jack Layton announced today he is fuelled by jealous rage and socialism is an economic policy based on scapegoats.

Er, no, not yet.

But the next biggest case of "somebody admitting the obvious that any half-intelligent person knew long ago" occured today:

Lance Bass reveals himself to be a pillow biter.

To think the old N'Sync parody "Bi Bi Bi" was so prophethetic...Bass says in the story that he used to be heterosexual, and just gravitated to ass piracy.

You're kidding right? These were the alternatives?

CalgaryGrit is spending the weekend doing polling for The Greatest Prime Minister Canada Never Had.

The quick thing one discovers is that the choices pretty much all suck.

I have no dreams of doing an in-depth look at all of the choices, so let's review:

Dalton friggin' Camp, basically the definition of Red Tory (since Joe Clark was taken as the definition of "Albertan who was dumb enough to be from Ontario). Alexa McDonough, the socialist nutbar who seriously believes that profit is akin to murder (just not her Daddy's profits, of course...or the "profit" she got in her trust fund). "King Joey Smallwood", the man responsible (indirectly at least) for the garbage which is the Equilization Fund. How about Clyde Wells, who couldn't even stand up to a small smattering of protest over a fully sensible hydro privatization? And those are just from the East!

Quebec actually has nominations. Can you believe CalgaryGrit is concerned that not enough Prime Ministers have come from Quebec?

Ontario really has been shafted from the PM department, but with the choices CalgaryGrit provides, its easy to see why: Ed Broadbent, that pathetic carcass of Soviet-loving postwar socialism perhaps? "Screaming Sheila Copps", who's commitment to fairplay and democracy continue to mean if she sets foot in Banff Alberta ever again she will be instantly assasinated in full view of one hundred people who were all "looking the other way". There's CD Howe (he of the centre-claiming-to-be-centre-right think tank), or that lunatic racist cum "women's suffragist" cum pacifist Agnes MacPhail. Perhaps the brainless spineless Liberal toady Warren Kinsella should be selected, if he can spend time away from tarring and feathering people based on the "six degree of separation" principle. Pacifist UN toady Stephen Lewis? Alan "in my world only the police will have guns and I will send them against any unarmed citizens I disagree with" Rock, or maybe Barbara McDougall, the woman so intelligent she hitched herself to Belinda Stronach's star. John Mannish, er sorry, Manley? Sorry Ontario, you have nobody to blame but yourself.

Not surprisingly, the best choices are from the West. Alberta-West, of course. Tommy Douglas and Lloyd Axeworthy and Elijah Harper need not apply. Being CalgaryGrit, he finds it necessary to include Nellie McClung (who would not be qualified to be the Prime Minister of a kindergarten Model Parliament) or Clifford Sifton, who wrote about the west he was from:

What will western Canada do for the Canadian organism? Sir, it will give a vast and profitable traffic to its railways and steamship lines. It will give remunerative employment to tens of thousands of men... It will do more. It will build up our Canadian seaports... It will furnish a steady and remunerative business to the manufacturers of eastern Canada, giving assured prosperity where uncertainty now exists. These are the things the west will do for the east.

Two Mannings, Ralph Klein, Stockwell Day, and Bible Bill Aberhart can't hope to raise up this slime-cover dredge of choices. It's quite clear that Canada has failed because we have yet to have a leader worth electing to mayorality of a city let alone stewardship of a Parliamentary democracy.

I totally studied the wrong thing at the Faculty of Science

Scientists have ran the studies, crunched the numbers, and weighed the variables:

Jennifer Aniston has the most perfect legs in Hollywood.

This is totally depressing to learn that other scientists decided they could get the big research grants by doing this kind of stuff. Sounds like a good gig.


Speaking of scientists, since I'm a big fan of Dr. Richard Feynman, I thought I'd use this "Google Trends" feature (that I managed to spell wrong in the post I made yesterday) and see who searches for him the most:

The worldwide results are here. Naturally, Cambridge MA leads the list, but the next two locales are in India. Austin and Boston finish up the top five, and other major American cities finish the list. In Canada, not enough searches exist to even register a rating, which seems odd. Only Oxford in Britain has searched for him on their little isle. If you want "Richard Feynman" as a whole string, San Fran jumps to first overall, with Boston, San Diego, and LA following behind. Regionally, "Richard Feynman" is popular in India and Singapore more than the U.S., with Canada, Austrailia, and the U.K. behind

I also discovered the neato "comparison" mode: goddamned Ontario massacres Alberta as a search string everywhere except for Portland (in places that search Alberta a lot). The reverse case is even worse! This is the most depressing news I've heard in ages. Fortunately out west, some sanity exists.

How about the other half of my adopted blogging persona? Canada is 2nd behind the U.S. in "Ann Coulter" searches. The cities in the U.S. that search her name isn't very surprising (though its odd NY is so low and Seattle so high), but its odd to learn that nobody in Canada is more interested in her than the denizens of Saskatoon, Fredericton, Winnipeg, Halifax, and Kingston. Edmonton/Vancouver/Calgary are also prominent on that list, the two Alberta cities obvious choices. Despite Ann's German-language searches the only other language (besides English of course) that registers, not enough searches in German have been done to make it register. Austrailia is a late but sudden addition to her searches, but South Korea and the U.K. are not. Weird all around, I say.

Mahim Arar, his wife ran for the NDP, his stunt double is the President of Iran

I didn't want to post again, but after the comment I just posted on Dust My Broom's comment thread about Iranian wackjob Mahmoud Ahmadinejad:

That’s a picture of Mahmoud Ahmadinejad? Really?

When I saw it in the posting, my first thought was “what on earth is Maher Arar up to this week?”

I had better make a post here to avoid nasty flames.

Specifically, check out the Google image gallery of Arar, and then the Google image gallery of Ahmadinejad.

I think I have a reasonable defense on this one. The real question is which one of them is more bat-shit crazy than the other. Another potential real question is which of them is the bigger terrorist?

Okay, this time I mean it, this is my last baseball post of the day (and probably the last post today, too)

I should be saving this material for August to improve my numbers.

Anyways, watching Kevin Mench's first plate appearance as a Milwaukee Brewer. He just swung bit on his first pitch...always trying to make a strong impression.

I decided to do something I've been thinking of doing for a long time: putting up a chart showing the numbers with each baseball position. Announcers will always talk about a "6-4-3 double play" and nobody bothers to put up a quick graph of which positions are which. ehow.com tells you how to score in baseball and describes the numbers but doesn't put up a neat infographic. So I have decided to do this: you can see it above and to the right.

And that is my final note on baseball. Except to observe that the picture of Big Unit that tops this post is really really really creepy. What the hell is with those spindley arms? Or the incredibly weird angle? This had better be an HDTV broadcast still shot improperly scaled for the graphic. Ick.

FOX Sports teaching us about sandwiches

During the LA Dodgers-Washington Nationals game on right now, they just showed an images from the Dodger Stadium offshoot of Phillipes, the iconic Los Angeles restaurant.

And then into a discussion about the origins of the French Dip sandwich. It's awfully weird seeing them show babies in the LA crowd and not have Vin Scully commenting on them. But as for this sandwich, they went on about it for several minutes. You have to feel sorry for Dodger batters Olmedo Saenz and Andre Ethier, who were up at the plate and struck out and flied out (on 2-2 and 3-1 counts respectively) with no notice while the announcers went on about sandwiches. They discussed the 0-2 groundout by Russel Martin, and then back to showing images of Phillipes in Dodger Stadium. Jon Rauch also got no mention of his middle relief work. Poor bastard.

Hmm, James Loney is now in place at 1B to start the 8th inning. You remember him, right? I showed him to you before anybody knew of him. I then of course gloated about it.

Weird Googel Trends(TM) Alberta facts:

Google Trends lets you see who in the world is searching what.

For example, Moncton, NB leads Canada in searches for "sex" (and "porn"), while Richmond Hill leads the country in searches for "MP3".

Most "Edmonton" searches are from Edmonton, most "Toronto" searches are from Toronto, etc. etc.

Now lets see "Alberta", around the world. Naturally, Red Deer, Grande Prairie, and Edmonton all lead the globe in searches for "Alberta".

In the United States, Mountain View, CA leads in searches for "Alberta", followed by Portland, Seattle, Salt Lake City, and then the "natural" choices of Houston and Denver. Washington DC barely cracked the list: and this is despite this "Alberta at the Smithsonian" exhibit.

In the U.K., Aberdeen Scotland leads in "Alberta" searches. Oxford, home to one of the two greatest universities on the planet, is 2nd place. Glasgow takes 3rd place back for the Scots, while the other great university in Cambridge is in 4th. Not too bad in impressiveness, really.

Canberra leads the Aussies in "Alberta" searches. Again, kind of weird.

In China, the city of Tianjin, which I had never even heard of, leads the searches. Harbin is a notable 3rd. Beijing is up there as well, but the popular centre of China (Shanghai) barely cracks the top ten.

Only the city of Hermosillo, Mexico has searched for Alberta in that country. This is a good time to present the Wikipedia entries on both Hermosillo and the Chinese city of Tianjin (ie. not the asteroid.

In France, Bordeaux is the king of "Alberta" searches, followed by Nice. Toulouse and Paris come in at 4 and 5 respectively. Lyon and Dijon are also on the list.

In Germany, only Freiburg Im Breisgau has searched for our fair province. Now I have to search for Freiburg Im Breisgau itself.

Japan, India, Ukraine, Egypt, Switzerland, and Norway all don't have any searches at all.

In Belgium, Brussels leads in searches. Diamond capital Antwerp is in 3rd place. Belgium's are all fairly well spaced, one can note.

Italy has some interesting searches, with Trieste and Genova leading the pack. Florence, Venice, and Bologna are the next in line. Verona, Rome, and Torino are at the bottom of the top 10. There are also some weird spikes in the graph, which I haven't paid too much attention to.

So enough about "Alberta". "Ralph Klein" is a search most popular in Edmonton and Calgary, with Ottawa and Winnipeg(!) next up. Toronto is 5th, with Halifax a curious 6th. Oddly, Alberta Alliance" only received hits in 2004.

Update, 4:27pm: How did I never think to check searches for Chris Pronger? Notice the massive spike in Canadian searches after the Oilers picked him up in August 2005, and again when the playoffs were underway (and then over). This 2006 cross section shows a little more detail: later in the year this page should be more illustrative.

Nice game Chone, nice game...

Watching the battle between the LA Angels and the Boston Red Sox today. Chone Figgins, who is playing CF and is in my fantasy pool, did well in the 11-inning game that just ended with a 7-6 Red Sox win.

First offensively: a hit and two walks in 3 official at-bats, with two stolen bases in a single inning. (He stole 2nd, and then was involved in a double steal where he moved to 3rd). He sacrifice bunted later in the game.

Defensively he was Man on Fire: 11 times Red Sox batters flied out to Figgins at center, in just 6 innings. Sadly, he was unable to get a couple more in the subsequent 5: the Major League record for outfielder putouts in a single game is 12. I couldn't find who set it, but Ruppert Jones did it in CF for the Mariners on May 16, 1978; fellow Angel Darin Erstad acheived it July 24, 2000 but in exra innings; Ricky Henderson in LF took extra innings to do it on 9/11/88; Tom McBride did it on July 2, 1948 but also needed extra innings; Lyman Bostock only needed 9 innings at CF to tie the 12 on May 25, 1977; Lloyd Merriman tied the 12 on September 7, 1951 playing for Cincinatti. You might find reference to Cubs outfielder Phil Cavarretta getting 12 putouts in a game September 25, 1934: however, what you won't find is that he was playing 1B at the time: NYY Roy Weatherly set the MLB outfielder putout record at 10 in 1943. The first outfielder of the 20th century to reach 12 putouts in a game was Earl Clark for the Boston Braves on May 10, 1929. Apparently one 19th century OF (in the AL, obviously) also reached this mark. A google search of Baseball Library fails to produce a name (though Lou Bierbauer at 2B got 12 putouts in a single game in 1888).

Bonus quip: In the first inning as Chone Figgins rounds second on a hit to deep left by Maicer Izturis, the playing conditions at Fenway actually required Angels 3rd base coach Dino Ebel (pronounced "Eee-Bill") to step briefly into fair territory to judge what to do with Figgins. The call was to hold up at third: Fenway is awfully unforgiving of players who try to score a run from 2B on a hit to left field (just ask Mike Napoli who may have cost the Angels a win when he tried to make it from second to home on a hit to LF, and was putout by a cannon throw by Manny Ramirez in the 11th inning with 1 out). Ebel had to step back out of bounds to get Figgins' attention, causing Figgins to almost run him over. FOX Sports announcers (Joe Buck and Tim McCarver I assume, I never can catch announcer's names) immediately declare "see no Ebel, hear no Ebel". Funny stuff.

Whaddaya mean the Edmonton Journal wouldn't print this??

Here's a letter I fired off to the Redmonton Urinal following the gong show which was the sickening police presence on Whyte Avenue following Game 7 of the Cup finals. They never printed it, which is probably not a huge surprise. It's some of my better work though:

Quick, what's the difference between Whyte Avenue after an Oilers game and Warsaw circa 1940? Edmonton's Gestapo have to beat up on handcuffed little girls in uglier uniforms. This is a sad night for Edmonton, not only because of the Oilers loss but because EPS, including their Chief, see nothing wrong with their blatent disregard for constitutionally protected liberties and wanton abuse of power. Or has trying to cross at a marked crosswalk or leapfrogging over garbage cans become recently added to the criminal code? If there is any justice left, which I know there isn't, every person "arrested" and then subsequently let go will take successful legal action against the EPS members who imprisoned them, and the officers themselves being the ones facing the inside of a jail cell. Of the whole city, I'm sure the riot police feel saddest about the loss of most all of us: they don't get to intimidate peaceful revelers of what was supposedly a "free" country -- at least when I was in Soviet Russia two weeks ago, the officers making up offenses for the fun of it just blackballed a little cash out of you at let you go, rather than crow in the Edmonton Journal how so many people were jailed and such a victory for the police state was acheived. (Besides, in Russia you can legally drink on the streets, a European sensibility that would tragically have hampered EPS harassment). From what I understand, the biggest night of riots left Whyte Avenue with a phone booth lit on fire -- not much of a loss since phone booths on Whyte haven't worked in years. A woman also broke her ankle, which she could have done just as easily jogging in the river valley. After 15 nights (15 wins) of riots, that one can count the number of broken windows on one hand at the epicentre of 105th street is surely a testament to the hyperbole of EPS to justify their strong-arm tactics. I do feel for the people who were stabbed at Squires on May 12, particularly since the entire police force was just outside the door and yet these crack investigators still didn't manage to actually nab a suspect in the case: say what you will about the original version of the SS, but at least they managed to keep law and order whilst harassing the populace. Now there is a bright side in my mind from this activity: Oiler game nights were great times to flaunt traffic laws throughout our fair town, what with the entire force occupying 82nd Avenue with a penetration that would make Napolean blush. Of course, I wasn't the only one to notice this, and the people who killed somebody at a southside bar on Saturday were doing something a little more serious than turning left without signalling. Yet I hesitate to call what happened a "murder": I've long held that gang members who are killed deserve no public sympathy. They are less victims of a crime than a workplace-related-fatality statistic, since joining a gang brings with it a strong possibility of being killed. I don't think I'm alone in this sentiment. I also don't think I'm alone in the sentiment that this Cup run has shown that Edmonton Police is just another gang, a collection of people joining up for the thrill of having some power they can wield over those who are too weak to fight back. As these inexcusable actions and tactics continue, more and more people are going to come to the same conclusion that EPS does not deserve the benefit of the doubt in any situation that may arise, and the police ability to investigate actual crimes -- if by chance any members of the force still happen to do that (the last police invesigation I heard about was trying to track down somebody who had hung posters saying unpopular political opinions about homosexuals) -- will suffer as a result. The Overtime incident received a lot of column-inches by the media, but now we have another flagrant violation of police powers this time directed to those who might dare to celebrate in a public venue. I certainly hope that Edmonton's news media stays on this story and considers that for every complaint EPS receives, an untold number of other people with justifiable grievances will stay silent knowing full well that the Chief of Police and the court system have more than a tacit approval of what we have seen during the Stanley Cup run. Until I see some officers behind bars (suspensions just mean the "gang" is taking a vacation), I have no respect for Edmonton Police Services and the crooked mandate they have taken upon themselves to enforce.

Post #300 Baby!

Well, its been quite some time now since the 200 post milestone. An additional finger injury, a monthlong out-of-country vacation, and a busy summer with hot Edmonton weater has contributed to a serious slowdown of blogging since April 18th. Let's check the stats to see how bad this really is:

Total in the month of April I made 55 posts in 30 days, for an average of one post every 0.5454 days (ie. every 13 hours, 5 minutes, 27.27 seconds). A bit of a slowdown, but ah well. (Even a slight slowdown from the 12 hours 44 minutes from the first part of April).

In May, the slowdow was really pronounced: 38 posts in 31 days, a post every 0.8158 days (ie. every 19 hours, 34 minutes, 44.21 seconds). To be fair, I was gone for most of it: when you call the month "over" at the May 24th posting there is 38 posts in 23.0979 days, for an average of a post every 0.6078 days (ie. every 14 hours, 35 minutes, 17.37 seconds).

June as a whole was a mere 18 posts in 30 days, for a paltry post every 1.6667 days (ie. every 40 hours, 0 minutes, 0 seconds). Again, if I count the month "starting" at the first post of June, that's still only 18 posts in 15 days plus change. A post every 0.87 days (ie. every 20 hours, 52 minutes, 46.67 seconds).

July there's no chance for excuses: 21 posts (not including this one) over 24 and a half days for a post every 1.1645 days (ie. every 27 hours, 56 minutes, 48.57 seconds). Well, there are excuses, I think I covered a few of them in this post. Also, I was stuck at 299 for a few days not wanting to post any baseball/hockey/life/politics thoughts until I got this milestone post out of the way. A small surge should be forthcoming.

So in August posting should increase slightly, though this blog's posting rate probably peaked in March 2006. Historians will one day remark upon this month as blogging's golden age.

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Best Reads:
As always, I'll use keywords here to highlight some of my great works over the past 100 posts:

Oilers 2006 Playoff Run:
• 1 win, 2 wins, 4 wins, 5 wins, 7 wins, 8 wins, 9 wins, 10 wins, 11 wins, Stanley Cup Game 7
• I insult the Calgary Flames.
• I do an early-playoff goalie review where I correctly predict the potential of Sherwood Park's own Cam Ward. I also correctly predict the fall of Anaheim's Bryzgalov. It did look rough there for a while.
• Finally, I join in the mudslinging by discussing the rumoured reasons Chris Pronger left our city, regardless what "Christie Chorley's good friend Akira Lee" says about it.

Baseball:
• I link to an 8-bit tribute to one of the great World Series games of all time: 1986 Game 6.
• I spend a bit of time encouraging throwing bats at differnt umpires than the ones who had been hit this year.
• I know a lot of baseball fans complain about interleague play. I add my own opinion on the topic, though not in particularly large detail.
• I compare Telus Field dimensions with other ballparks from the Majors (and a few other minor-league parks) to see how our downtown jewel compares. The results may surprise you.
• I also summarize the efforts of my baseball pool teams and their disappointing progress. I also rundown two of my teams current rosters here and here.
• I also have to deal with opposition to a trade in one of my fantasy leagues because both sides don't have precisely equal value involved. I hate guys who complain like that, I really do.

Comedy and other neat non-political stuff:
• I check thesound.ca, a website devoted to Canadian bands (mostly in the west) getting a chance to impress record labels. So far only one of the artists listed has found the entry, and it wasn't either of the 3 I trashed in the hope of their discovering. Ah well.
• Fulfilling a serious void on the internet, I go to Whyte Ave and secrely take photos of the hot-ass girls who frequent it in the summer (less so later this summer, as we've had enough hot days girls actually get tired of walking around in tight clothes).
• Women love to tease men with their bodies. Every once and a while, they pay a horrible price for these crimes against humanity.
• I explain various quotes of Einstein you might see on pretenious people's blogs/t-shirts/posters/email tag lines and rundown the personality flaws of the individuals who use them. This sort of heresy either will forever tarnish or immortalize my reputation in the scientific community.
• What should you listen to while packing for a lengthy vacation? Here's my suggestion: do with it as you will.
• The free meeting-site PlentyofFish.com has a few samples of stupid women with mixed messages.
• If you wish to fly to the north, Edmonton is your place to do it. Unless, say, you're going to the largest city in the north. Then if you are from Edmonton you still travel a whole long distance out of your way to do so. I can't explain why, but I crunch the numbers and throw my hands up in disgust.
• Dr. Tran will thrill you in the greatest movie coming out this summer.
• I have a brilliant comedic and insightful thought about Leonard Cohen and his impact on the sexual potential of our civilization.
• I also have a personal angle to it, as I meet a new friend with a strange twist.
• Finally, the greatest "Neurotically Yours" episodes are archived in easy YouTube viewable format for posterity.
• I do a more in-depth ranking of Women's Tennis players. I get through the first couple days of Wimbledon, but haven't finished it yet.
• The FIFA 2006 World Cup had all of the world, particularly Europe, with their eyes trained steadfastly on Germany. This isn't the first time Germany has been the focal point for world attention with serious ramifications for numerous European countries, of course. But only I have the brains and balls to come forward and make a massive and bold statement comparing World Cup #18 to World War #2. Check out a comment to question my prediction for the final result holding to the original concept. Even when I'm wrong I'm still right!
• Jason Kodish was the "scourge of Usenet" in the mid-1990s. I ask the fair and intriguing question of what happened to him and the (allegedly fictional) gravitational institute he founded. As it was, I ask a week before a real gravitational physics institute in Edmonton got a big injection from the Harper government.

Political topics:
• Gas prices were a big story in April. They still are now. A few thoughts on the Journal/CBC coverage of the topic.
• My plan for a Royal Alberta Navy now seems way smarter compared to the Liberal snaffoo regarding the British submarine purchases.
• Cynthia McKinney and Stephen Harper were embroiled in controversy at the same time in late April. One of the controversies is really funny (ha ha), while the other is really funny in a sad sense. Which of these figures will I defend? Do you have to ask?
• Is the U.S. military supposed to stay out of international conflicts, or get involved in them. As war rages in Lebanon as we speak, its interesting to note that the left couldn't make up its mind when "Sudan" was the key hotspot on the globe that almost took time away from Iraq.
• Warren Kinsella is upset over the Liberals calling a political opponent a Nazi. I'll let you read that one again just to see the absurdity in it all. Just in case, go check out the post.
• Edmonton blogosphere whipping boy Eugene Plawiuk and I briefly duke it out over politics. Sort of. More sports, but I'll include it here because I rip on "Zionist conspiracies" a little bit. And faggy people.
• The Oilers playoff run was a chance for Edmonton Police to show their true colours. I rip on them pretty severely, but not as bad as I will do in a few days.
• North Korea went crazy on July 4th, and I was one of the first western Canadian blogs to discuss it, with a few politically incorrect thoughts that aren't even mine.
• Alberta marriage licenses have a few strange religious quirks designed to help creepy untrue religions. Kind of scary stuff, really.
• I hilariously and accurately reveal the insanity behind Cindy Sheenan and Susan Sarandon's "rolling hunger strike", and announce my own hunger strike with a few demands of my own. (I didn't eat lunch today out of protest, for example).

See you all in another 100 posts!

Really too hot to blog -- both for me and the computer

The last three attempts over the past two days to write a post here have resulted in a computer crash. I'm going to quickly preview what I've got planned to come up before it happens a 4th time.

Baseball, ripping some more on Edmonton City Police, the heat, Capital Ex, crisis in the Middle East, what I would do if I was Premier of Alberta, post #300, and probably a few other topics that will come to me at some point.

I've been awfully slow posting the past couple weeks. My only solace is knowing that Mike Jenkinson, Colby Cosh, Lorne Gunter, and even ABFreedom have been slow during this period too.

Its the hot Edmonton weather, I tells yeah.

Hot hot July updates

Well, I asked last week about Jason Kodish, formerly of the mythical "Thirring Institute for Gravitational Research".

Today, the Canadian government named UofA professor Frans Pretorius to a "tier 2" research chair...in gravitational physics.

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I also have another Chris Pronger rumour added to the usual location.

Whats it take to get me to socialize with work people?

Free beer!!!!!

(20 free Coronas were purchased for staff tonight. Add to that the staff drinks we already have purchased from the bar, and suddenly its an effort to remove the beer. I was a lynchpin in the efforts, although staff were generally surprised to see me. After all, I have a sign in my locker expressing how I don't particularly like them. But free beer, y'know?)

So anyways, you recall just below I expressed disappointment that I was unaware of interesting events in Edmonton until it was too late to attend them.

Tomorrow I shall rectify that by attending the Capital Ex Parade tomorrow with my digital camera. Fun at the grounds shall be my plan for Friday. Perhaps tomorrow I'll visit another wading pool for more hot ass in Edmonton photos. Stay tuned.

Major events today in Edmonton

Just saw on A-Channel Citytv CTV Jr. that Edmonton Grand Prix girls are taking the stage downtown for some ceremony.

Just saw on ITV Global Edmonton that the crazy Lebs are rallying over the current Lebanese-Israeli conflict I haven't been blogging about.

I am attending neither. Pity, both subjects (with photos) would make good blog entries...

On the bright side, still have eight working fingers

You may recall this post where I reported an injured finger during my buddy's birthday party.

Well, over the weekend I managed to break a separate finger during his wedding celebrations. Something to do with fighting a fellow groomsman in a sauna.

Posting (which has been very unfrequent lately) is going to spiral further downward. Sorry.

This week in celebrity news

(AP) Pamela Anderson may have a stripper pole in her bedroom, but she's a soccer mom at heart.

"I go to every game!" says the 39-year-old actress, discussing her young sons' sports schedules in an interview in the August issue of House & Garden magazine.

Anderson has two children, Brandon, 10, and Dylan, 8, from her marriage to now ex-husband Tommy Lee.

Her Malibu, Calif., home is featured in the magazine, which describes Anderson's cozy bungalow as "hippie-chick-meets-Miss Havisham." The former "Baywatch" star would not let House & Garden show her bedroom, which has a stripper pole.

Er, exactly at what point did Pam think that House & Garden Magazine would be including the stripper pole anyways? And if she already told them it existed, what was the point of refusing them entry? This sounds like somebody trying to build her own mythos.

Meg White fans, prepare to have your little hipster hearts broken: the White Stripes won't be returning any time soon as Jack White is busy working on a second Raconteurs album, Contactmusic.com reports.

"I think [we'll do it] as soon as we get a chance. We're going to make another record," White said. "We've been talking about where rather than when. We've got some songs ready to go."

Although he had originally planned to take a short break from his main project, Jack was reportedly inspired by the huge response to Broken Boy Soldiers and by the chemistry he found with his new bandmates, who, we hate to say it, play a hell of a lot better than Meg.

In other Raconteurs news, on July 31, the quirky rockers will be releasing "Hands" as their next single — which will feature B-sides of David Bowie's "It Ain't Easy" and live tracks "Intimate Secretary," and "The Zane Rendition."

White Stripes on hold? Could this have anything to do with the fact that Jack and Meg haven't had enough time lately to listen to old obscure albums to steal hit singles from?

Coldplay doesn't want to impose its political beliefs on others, says frontmanChris Martin,but band members feel an obligation to use their celebrity for a good cause.

Coldplay supports Oxfam's fair trade campaign, which lobbies against trade policies that hurt developing countries, such as the influx of goods from developed countries.

"We don't want to be preachy, we just say those words (fair trade) and make sure people look it up themselves," Martin said at a news conference ahead of a concert Thursday.

He said the British rock band wants to put their name recognition to good use.

"When one or two people take pictures of us, we feel like we could start advertising something we care about," said Martin, 29, who has the Oxfam campaign's twin-striped logo tattooed onto his left hand.

At least Coldplay is going through the motions. The fact is that these left-leaning celebs always have a "good cause" to promote (or more commonly with rock and punk acts, a "bad U.S. President" to villify) but usually do so less out of some deep rooted concern for the planet and more for the good publicity and "anti-authority street cred" it generates. As somebody (Neil Boortz?) once mentioned, if these kids really wanted to say something radical and anti-establishment they would say that mothers who had abortions should be sent to prison for murder. (As an aside, the New Zealand Herald reported on Wednesday that celebrity causes are never particularly popular with actual people, as Bob Geldof had to cancel a benefit concert due to lack of interest.

(KP International) Paris Hilton has supposedly decided to give up some of life's enjoyable indulgences: wearing and ingesting meat and having sex.

Apparently the hotel heiress was shown a video about animal cruelty by Heather Mills, animal activist and estranged wife of Paul McCartney, which changed not only Hilton's diet but her fashion sense as well. "From that point on I've never worn fur and I never will," said the socialite. "I also haven't eaten any meat since. I just survive on pasta and stuff like that. I was grossed out. It was disgusting."

Also, there will be no Night in Paris 2 anytime soon as Hilton has supposedly made a vow of celibacy for a year. "I'm doing it just because I want to," said the 25-year-old. "I feel I'm becoming stronger as a person. Every time I have a boyfriend, I'm just so romantic and I'll put all my energy into the guy, and I don't really pay attention to myself."

I'll leave you with just two thoughts: Paris Hilton has gone out of her way to extend her 15 minutes of undeserved fame and keep her vapid useless self in the media spotlight so that we have to hear about her every 45 seconds or so. And she thinks eating meat is a cruel thing to do to a species? Secondly, the only part of Paris Hilton worth two shakes is apparently her vagina, and now she's not even going to be using it.

Whither the Thirring Institute for Gravitational Research?

A sudden burst of curosity made me wonder what Jason Kodish was up to. (check below for the updated answer)

For those (blissfully) unaware, Kodish was one of the first people ever to be named "Usenet Kook of the Month" (October, 1994). He viciously flamed most of the Canadian political threads, and was the laughing stock of nerdy net politics in the early 90s. (Check out this thread in ab.politics from November 1994 on Kodish's honours featuring "before he was famous" Colby Cosh(!) trash talking Jason)

Oddly enough, in private emails when you got off of politics he was curiously polite and almost normal. While he political talk was off the deep end, he at the very least had enough understanding of physics (I believe he was a CompSci graduate student once upon a time) to help out an undergrad in need. Well, help was a strong word, but I digress.

Anyways, if you want to cruise Usenet history, a list of all of Kodish's posts in Usenet (newest first) are available here. Go to it with godspeed.

Let's also remember such notable Kodish threads:
Karl Marx Sucks Just Like Jason Kodish
Proof of Jason Kodish's insanity, I have it! Bonus item: the only posters Google Archives has for this thread is Kodish himself
Jason "pull over and show me your ID" Kodish
A Small Collection of Kodish Posts
WAS KODISH KIDNAPPED?? WILL NOBODY PAY THE RANSOM?
Kodish Government : One for me, one for you. Two for me
Sick letter to Jason Kodish
Ckeck it out - Kodish just may have popped a vessel this time
Kodish chickens out; scared of squaring off against Klein on live radio!
Kodish: Even more evidence of rampant stupidity
More Bullshit Nonsense From Kodish
Is Steve Ranta Really Jason Kodish? Final result:

Jason has been around longer than Mr. Ranta. Indeed, if my
recollection is correct, Jason was an early winner of the
Net Kook of the Month Award.

My recollection is that after I nominated him, my system
administrator (me) received email from Jason telling me
to "take my access away".

Mr. Ranta has not been nominated, and has not won the award.
-- Stephen Jenuth

The "Thirring Institute" however is apparently long gone. The GeoCities page has gone the way of all GeoCities pages, while the Edmonton Freenet edition is long-gone as well.

Fortunately for us, the "Internet Wayback Machine" was invented. Low and behold, one can discover the history of the Thirring Institute on GeoCities and also the (newer, larger) version on Edmonton Freenet. The most extensive version ever was the 1999 edition, which was comprised mostly of UBC physics links.

I was sadly unable to dig up a photograph of the elusive Jason Kodish (1994 was the days of layered .BMP files and thrown together .pict images culled off MacIntosh computers), but I did find a cute picture of Atlanta-area lawyer Elisa Kodish, which is probably for the best anyways.

Update, 3:22pm: Naturally I never thought for the old-school pre-Google answer to the question "Where is Jason Kodish?" Check the phone book you retard. And there it is:

Kodish, Jason 304-8107 29 Ave 466-2295

(Quick aside, how sad is it that it never occurs to you to find a long-lost person who lives in your own city by looking in the phone book? Has the internet really changed our world that much?)

Update, July 20 2006 1:45pm: A new development has occured in UofA gravitational physics.

Latin term surfing on Wikipedia

A rundown on the Confederate States of America led me to the first one:

damnatio memoriae -- "damnation of memory", being removed from history books.

Since this seemed oddly fun, I figured I'd look up a few common ones I know of:

a priori -- propositional knowledge that can be had without experience
a posteriori -- propositional knowledge that can only be had with experience
vaticinium ex eventu -- prophecy after the fact
dramatis personae -- the cast of characters in a theatrical performance
experimentum crucis -- the definitive test of a scientific theory
ignoratio elenchi -- the logical fallacy of making an argument that is valid yet irrelevent to the proposition being discussed
in camera -- deliberations or meeting elements to be held in private session to avoid the public revealing of sensitive information
ipso facto -- "therefore"
lex feranda -- the law as it should be, as in morally right or internally consistent
modus operandi -- the method by which an individual normally acts
non sequitur -- a conclusion which does not follow from the premise
persona non grata -- a person who is not welcome or belonging to a group
quid pro quo -- a favour proffered in return for the performing of an otherwise unrelated favour
res ipsa loquitur -- the existence of an event implies guilt by the party which clearly held a role in the event
sic semper tyrannis -- "thus always to tyrants" where death is the (implied) "thus"
sine qua non -- that part which is essential to the whole of which it belongs to

A sad sports admission

It turns out that this posting from Thursday the 6th is in error: in the end, Zidane's red card cost France the match and the bloody Eye-Toys win the World Cup. I still think without Zidane's card the French would have won in the penalty kicks: after all, they came within an inch of pacing the Italians as it was.

If you want to email/blogcomment/textmessage me about my error in predicting a sport I never watch and know nothing about, then you'll have to wait 6 hours and 19 minutes for my response.

Friday Night is right for... blog updates

Decided to go through the blog and update a few of the posts made over the past couple of weeks, adding new information and updates and all of that. Helps keep things fresh in the archives, if you understand what I mean:

The "unfair" baseball trade has finally had resolution. You'll never guess the decision of the league. (Well, you might... 50/50 chance, actually).

I'm not the only blogger who noticed the North Korean situation and had an active comment thread on the subject. (No, really! I have comments! This is worth checking just for the sake of observing history).

George S. Patton would have made a lousy soccer coach

As the FIFA World Cup moves towards it two final games that will determine the best footballers in the world, I came across what I can only declare a brilliant insight, which I shall now share:

I call it Feynman and Coulter's Love Child's FIFA World Cup Prediction System. It goes something like this:

The less the success a country acheived in World War II, the greater the success at the world cup.

Below you will find a graphical arrangement, and then a few teams to explain the system:


Germany: Germany lost World War II. It held on for a good long while, but eventually lost the battle. Germany will play Portugal for the consolation prize.
England: Britain won World War II, but at a terrible cost both in lives and property and hardship for her people. Accordingly, England never made it into Group 4, being eliminated from Group 16.
Switzerland: Switzerland was never invaded during World War II, and suffered no real hardship in the conflict. Naturally, they never made it past Group 16.
Ukraine: Ukraine was invaded twice, by both the Nazis and then counter-invaded by the Soviets. Although Ukraine lost 10 million people in the war, it really wasn't much worse than the Stalin era of peace that proceeded it. Ukraine never passed Group 8.
United States of America: The U.S. was by far and away one of the biggest winners of Double-Ya-Double-Ya-Two. They ended the conflict as one of the two great Superpowers. The United States never even made it to Group 16.
Czechoslovakia: (I don't care that its the Czech Republic now) Czechoslovakia was one of the first nations invaded by the Nazis, but they sparked the very existence of WWII. While they didn't fare too well in the war, they were sort of like Ukraine: WWII was a cakewalk compared to the Soviet gulag they faced afterwards. The Czech Republic never made it to Group 16.
Tunisia: Though Tunisia was a participant in World War II, the nation itself got off fairly well. Most notable for being one of the primary theatres of the North African campaign, a lot of Germans and Italians died or were captured in Tunisia, but not a lot of the natives really got harmed. Tunisia never made it to Group 16.
Italy: Everybody's favourite WWII whipping boy is Italy. (There is another popular choice, but lets remember that its a more general case). Italy was an Axis power, the fascists under Mousellini great supporters of the Nazi cause. So Italy proceeded to get its asses handed to them by the Allied Forces. They lost on the beaches of Greece. They were defeated on the deserts of Africa. They got their butts kicked on their own soverign soil. They conquered Albania....Albania, for Pete's sake...for about 3 days, before losing her to the Greeks. Then finally in 1943 they abandoned the Germans, and proceeded to get their asses handed to them by Hitler for a couple years before the Germans lost. Italy's lousy soldiers was part of one of the great SCTV gags (the surrendering batallions), and therefore was one of WWII's biggest losers..they lost in the end and the entire time leading up to it. Naturally, Italy is now playing in the championship game for the FIFA World Cup.
Canada and Russia: Neither Canada nor Russia are even playing for the bloody World Cup. Needless to say, both fared well during the war. Canada demonstrated her newly won full independence from Britain and ended the war with the 4th largest navy on the planet. Russia lost a lot of troops but certainly gained a lot of land, expanding the Soviet Empire to previously unknown heights.
France: Now here is the favourite whipping boy in any armed conflict. Forgetting all you know about French military victories, just look at World War II on its own. France is quickly conquered by the Nazis, the fames Maginot line just another piece of scenery for the Krauts to photograph on their leisurely tour of the countryside. The De Gaulle Regime flees to Africa (via London), and the Vichy's not only proclaim their sudden and complete capitulance to the Nazi ideals, they famously plant trees (unbidden) along their famed boulevards so that the Germans could have the pleasure of marching down the occupied streets in the shade. This sort of complete brownnosing surrender style is what endears hundreds of millions around the world to the French sticking their noses up in the air over this or that military conflict. The end result? France is playing in the championship game.

So what can we learn from all this? France will win the World Cup this year. Because they got their asses beat even more than the Italians!

Disclaimer: One may observe that Japan, which got nuclear-freaking-weapons dropped on their ass, also failed to make Group 16. I suppose the best lesson out of this is that the Feynman and Coulter's Love Child FIFA World Cup Prediction System only applies to the European Theatre, not the Pacific one.

(A discussion on the French is covered here, with several hilarious anecdotes and results)

Fantasy Roster Rundown -- Royal Alberta Navy, July 5th

Previous teams in the series: Alberta Mariners

Here's the team in my rotissere league, the Royal Alberta Navy. Two small changes were made earlier this week. As always, all changes from draft day are shown in red

Batters:

• Catcher:
  Jason Kendall, Oakland Athletics
• First Base:
  Chase Utley, Philadelphia Phillies
• Second Base:
  Marcus Giles, Atlanta Braves
• Third Base:
  Garret Atkins, Colorado Rockies
  Chipper Jones, Atlanta Braves
• Shortstop:
  Edgar Renteria, Atlanta Braves
  Bobby Crosby, Oakland Athletics
• Outfield:
  J.D. Drew, Los Angeles Dodgers
  Manny Ramirez, Boston Red Sox
  Scott Podsednik, Chicaog White Sox
  Brady Clark, Milwaukee Brewers
  Mike Cameron, San Diego Padres

Pitchers:

• Starters:
  Brad Radke, Minnesota Twins
  Jose Contreras, Chicago White Sox
  Jamie Moyer, Seattle Mariners
  Lilian Hernandez, Washington Nationals
  Esteban Loaiza, Oakland Athletics
  Pedro Martinez, New York Mets
• Relievers:
  Billy Wagner, New York Mets
  Chad Cordero, Washington Nationals
  Danys Báez, Los Angeles Dodgers

Hollywood's Newest Fad Diet

Stars join anti-war hunger strike:

Hollywood stars Sean Penn and Susan Sarandon are to join a fast protesting against the Iraq war.

Protestors will each give up food for 24 hours, with the "rolling fast" due to last until International Peace Day on 21 September.

The protest has been organised by CodePink, a woman's anti-war group who are concerned at the loss of life on both sides of the Iraq conflict.

Other celebrities due to take part include Willie Nelson and Danny Glover.

Around 150 protestors began the fast outside the White House on Tuesday morning, including leading anti-war activist Cindy Sheehan, whose son died in Iraq.

Oscar-winner Penn is one of Hollywood's most vocal stars over the issue of war in Iraq.

He visited the country in 2002 and 2003, meeting politicians, visiting a water treatment plant and touring a children's hospital.

This is the lamest thing I've ever seen. A "rolling fast"? What the hell is that? The rest of us do it all the time...its called "skipping meals". I've done it today already: instead of eating breakfast, I blogged about baseball. Instead of lunch, I've chatted with a gorgeous calendar model from Mexico.

No, wait, I've changed my mind. Really I'm on a rolling hunger strike, protesting until...um...well, pick one from the list:

• Sheila Copps is fired from the SUN Media Chain
• Edmonton Police Officers are hauled before a tribunal to justify each and every arrest they made on Whyte Avenue
• Al Gore is sentenced to one month working on Alberta oilsands projects where he is required to interview at least 100 people asking how much they make.
• Faggot Pride Parades are banned and the police who are so happy to crack down on stepping off of Edmonton sidewalks arrest paraders violating indecency laws
• Klondike Days is restored in the City of Edmonton until such time that a less lame festival can be devised to replace it. The Kinsman slide must be permitted to continue there as well. ED Fest can stay.
• 96X returns to being a lame Power-92 clone instead of a lame CISN Country clone
• I get my own Wikipedia entry.
• Andrés Manuel López Obrador is assasinated
• Maybe this effiminate bastard too
• Sania Mirza, Marta Domachowska, and Maria Kirilenko are all given rematches in their Day 1 competitions at Wimbledon
• This guy from American Thinker is promoted as the first ambassador between Alberta and America
• Come to think of it, set Alberta free! Or I swear to God, I will skip a meal or two!

Gack

First off, the funny baseball news that Pedro Martinez may be facing a career-declining injury due to an illegal undershirt. Oh yeah, and "substandard" Dolphin Stadium.

Secondly, check out this boxscore from George Steinbrenner's 76th birthday game at Jacob's Field.

The worst thing about this 19-1 loss?

Hafner: 4 runs, 3 hits, 1 walk, 5 plate appearances, 2 home-runs, 4 RBI
Peralta: 3 runs, 2 hits, 1 walk, 5 plate appareances, 2 home runs, 3 RBI
Jeter: 1 hit, 3 plate appearances

Guess which 2 of these 3 guys whom I have on my fantasy team were benched that game?

(As always, the worst thing is good reason: Hafner recently has been in-and-out with a bad elbow, and I have Thome/D-Lee as competing first basemen, so Lee was in the utility spot and Jeter took Peralta's SS duties. I hate when that happens)

Er, you know all trades are slightly lopsided, right?

The Alberta Mariners have decided to make some bold roster changes, and 2 trade requests were offered over the weekend. One of these, both were rejected and counter-offers were made. I'm hesitating over the one, but thought the better of this one:

Travis Hafner and Derek Lowe for Justin Morneau and Bronson Arroyo.

Now while I'm giving up a 1st baseman (Morneau) with roughly equal stats to Hafner for this yea, but with historically lower stats, along with a pitcher who has been playing way ahead of his curve (Arroyo in 2005 had a 4.51 ERA and 1.30 WHIP for the season... and his August/September numbers were atrocious: 5.40/1.53 in August and 4.97/1.42 in Sept.) versus a pitcher whos last two months last season were far and away his best.

My team is currently in 2nd last place, and at this point any shakeup is a good shakeup. So what happens within 2 hours of this trade being accepted by me (and therefore up for review?) A mid-ranger immediately posts with "Another bad trade! Cancel it!" So far, the trade is still valid, so we shall see what happens when the smoke clears.

This league is for some reason that one league you have where a couple people agonize over every aspect of everybody's trades, and if they find one side ends up ahead in any sort of way, its an immediate call for cancellation. There have only been 2 trades made in the league this year: Jeff Kent, Barry Bonds, and Mark Kotsay for Eric Chavez, Manny Ramirez, and Lance Berkman (which was approved despite 3 people opposing it); and Todd Helton, Joe Crede, and Paul Byrd for Chase Utley, Barry Bonds, and Pedro Martinez (which was rejected by the league).

Now the second one most certainly is lopsided (almost any Pedro deal is, especially with Utley's 2B qualification factored in). But in the first one, the main "loser" aspect one can think of is giving up Berkman's big numbers along with a quality 3B in Eric Chavez. But the team that was losing Berkman/Chavez already has Todd Helton and Pedro Feliz and Ty Wigginton and Nomar Garciaparra on it...it could afford to give up a 3B qualifier. These are the sort of things that people need to look at when evaluating trades: filling the gaps.

For example, I'm trying to pick up a stud reliever in return for 2 quality hitters in one of my leagues. (I know 2-for-1 can be daunting, but still). Akinori Otsuka for Coco Crisp and Ramon Hernandez was one of my attempts. For another team, I tried Francisco Liriano for Chipper Jones and Travis Hafner. The first example I settled for a poorer pitcher because he doesn't need any 3B/Util spots, but OF/C...and I don't have enough quality assets to make that trade. In the 2nd, he doesn't have a plethora of 3B assets, so Chipper and Hafner's super-powers might pry Liriano away from him.

Its all relative, you understand.

Update, July 7 2006 8:30pm: The trade has gone through. Here's what the (lead?) objector had to say on the subject:

look at average player rank
Hafner/Lowe=61
Morneau/Arroyo=32.5

Hidden requirement of the Alberta Marriage Licence

The Alberta Government information page on marriage licences gives the following prime requirements:

1. You must be at least 18 years old. If you are younger than 18, you will need legal consent from your parents.
2. You must show acceptable identification such as a birth certificate, passport, treaty status card, Canadian citizenship card or driver's licence.
3. You cannot be related to the person you wish to marry by whole blood, half blood or adoption. For example, you may not marry your grandparent, parent, grandchild, child or sibling.
4. You must be currently unmarried.
5. If you are divorced, you must present proof the divorce is final such as a Certificate of Divorce or a Decree Absolute.
6. You must have your wedding in Alberta, however you do not have to be an Alberta resident to get married in Alberta.
7. You must be free of the influence of drugs and alcohol when you apply for a Marriage Licence (and when you participate in the wedding ceremony).
8. Both parties to the marriage must apply together for their marriage licence.

And the following additional requirements under special circumstances:

1. Both parties to the marriage must speak English. If they do not, it is their responsibility to provide an interpreter who is over 18 years old and is fluent in both English and the language requiring translation. If the registry agent issuing the Marriage Licence is fluent in the other language, then that registry agent may proceed as the interpreter for issuing the Marriage Licence. The couple applying for a licence cannot translate for each other.
2. If either party is deaf, a sign language interpreter may be required.
3. If either party is mentally challenged and a trustee or guardian has been appointed, proof that their trustee or guardian has been informed of the upcoming marriage is required.
4. Blood tests are not required.

But having recently received a marriage licence, a friend of mine has informed me of a few other requirements that have not been covered as of yet on the Alberta Government website. In particular:

• Applicants must know the place of birth for both of their parents. This is more difficult than it might seem...he actually learned both birthplaces during the licencing process yesterday.
• Both spouses must acknowledge that their spouse is not their personal property.The first bit is obviously put there for all of these Muslim wedders in modern-day Alberta who fail to realize that coming to the New World has traditionally meant that you were leaving the flawed traditions of the Old World behind (with one two noteworthy exceptions)
• Both parties must solemnly swear that there will be no abuse of their partner, neither emotional nor physical. It seems odd that the emotional section is on there, as it would mean that every husband in Alberta is in an illegal marriage and can get an annulment.
• The above "requirements" can be waived if being married by the Bahá'í Faith. A Bahá'í wedding also would change the wording of the licence. Section 5(1)a of the Marriage Act (1980) covers the Bahá'í.

Does anybody actually watch Men's Tennis?

I don't know, and I don't care.

But Wimbledon is on right now, and lets see how the tennis hotties I've ranked before are doing (and see if any new hotness needs to be added to the mix):

Day 1: No womens singles events.

Day 2:
Henin-Hardenne (9/10, unrated but mentioned in the above post) def. Meng Yuan (unrated, no photos available)
Kim Clijsters (7/10, previously unrated) def. Vera Zvonareva (8/10, previously unrated)
Martina Hingis (8.5/10, previously unrated) def. Olga Savchuk (9/10, previously unrated)
Svetlana Kuznetsova (6.5/10) def. Romina Oprandi (6/10, previously unrated)
Patty Schnyder (7.5/10) def. Antonella Serra Zanetti (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Daniela Hantuchova (9.5/10) def. Maria Elena Camerin (8/10, previously unrated)
Anna Chakvetadze (8/10) def. Zi Yan (7/10, previously unrated)
Marion Bartoli (7.5/10) def. Camille Pin (7.5/10, previously unrated)
Jamea Jackson (6/10, previously unrated) def. Kirsten Flipkens (7/10, previously unrated)
Karolina Sprem (8.5/10, previously unrated) def. Anne Keothavong (8/10, previously unrated)
Alicia Molik (6.5/10, previously unrated) def. Yung-Jan Chan (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Elena Vesnina (8/10, previously unrated) def. Maria Sanchez Lorenzo (9/10, previously unrated)
Katarina Srebotnik (9/10) def. Martina Sucha (7.5/10, previously unrated)
Agnieszka Radwanska (7/10, previously unrated) def. Viktoria Azarenka (8/10, previously unrated)
Ekaterina Bychkova (7/10, previously unrated) def. Aiko Nakamura (7.5/10, unrated)
Jie Zheng (8.5/10) def. Iveta Benesova (9/10, previously unrated)
Virginia Ruano Pascual (6.5/10, previously unrated) def. Hana Sromova (6/10, previously unrated)
Akiko Morigami (7/10, previously unrated) def. Vera Dushevina (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Katerina Bondarenko (7/10, previously unrated) def. Ivana Lisjak (7/10, previously unrated)
Ai Sugiyama (6/10) def. Naomi Cavaday (6/10, previously unrated)
Nicole Vaidisova (9.5/10, previously unrated) def. Klara Koukalova (9/10, previously unrated)
Tathiana Garbin (6/10, previously unrated) def. Katie O'Brien (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Eva Birnerova (8/10, previously unrated) def. Sofia Arvidsson (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Kveta Peschke (8/10, previously unrated) def. Kristina Brandi (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Tamarine Tanasugarn (7.5/10, previously unrated) def. Catalina Castano (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Severine Bremond (7/10, previously unrated) def. Anastasia Yakimova (7/10, previously unrated)
Meilen Tu (7/10, previously unrated) def. Vassilissa Bardina (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Gisela Dulko (9.5/10) def. Emma Laine (7/10, previously unrated)
Tzvetana Pironkova (7/10, previously unrated) def. Anna-Lena Groenefeld (8.5/10)
Shinobu Asagoe (8/10, previously unrated) def. Maria Kirilenko (9.5/10)
Na Li (6.5/10, previously unrated) def. Virginie Razzano (7.5/10, previously unrated)
Viktoria Kutuzova (9/10) def. Lilia Osterloh (7.5/10, previously unrated)

Day 3:
Venus Williams (6/10, previously unrated) def. Bethanie Mattek (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Svetlana Kuznetsova (6.5/10) def. Kveta Peschke (8/10, rated above)
Kim Clijsters (7/10, rated above) def. Viktoria Kutuzova (9/10, rated above)
Maria Sharapova (10/10, previously unrated) def. Anna Smashnova (8.5/10, unrated but mentioned in the above post)
Martina Hingis (8.5/10, rated above) def. Tathiana Garbin (6/10, rated above)
Amelie Mauresmo (8/10) def. Ivana Abramovic (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Justine Henin-Hardenne (9/10, rated above) def. Ekaterina Bychkova (7/10, rated above)
Dinara Safina (7/10, previously unrated) def. Jill Craybas (7/10, previously unrated)
Shahar Peer (8/10, previously unrated) def. Juliana Fedak (8/10, previously unrated)
Ashley Harkleroad (9.5/10, previously unrated) def. Jelena Kostanic (8/10, previously unrated)
Elena Likhovtseva (7/10, previously unrated) def. Stephanie Foretz (7/10, previously unrated)
Ana Ivanovic (8/10) def. Emmanuelle Gagliardi (9/10, previously unrated)
Lisa Raymond (7/10) def. Yaroslava Shvedova (7/10, previously unrated)
Sarah Borwell (7/10, previously unrated) def. Marta Domachowska (9/10, previously unrated)
Amy Frazier (7.5/10, previously unrated) def. Mara Santangelo (8/10, previously unrated)
Ai Sugiyama (6/10, rated above) def. Akiko Morigami (7/10, rated above)
Martina Muller (6/10, previously unrated) def. Kaia Kanepi (7.5/10, previously unrated)
Sybille Bammer (6.5/10, previously unrated) def. Nathalie Dechy (7.5/10, previously unrated)
Vania King (6/10, previously unrated) def. Julia Vakulenko (8/10, previously unrated)
Anastassia Rodionova (9/10, previously unrated) def. Emilie Loit (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Mashona Washington (7/10, previously unrated) def. Julia Schruff (7.5/10, previously unrated)
Laura Granville (6/10, previously unrated) def. Maret Ani (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Anna Chakvetadze (8/10) def. Elena Vesnina (8/10, rated above)
Tian-Tian Sun (8.5/10) def. Nathalie Vierin (8/10, previously unrated)
Meghann Shaughnessy (9/10) def. Alyona Bondarenko (9/10)
Karolina Sprem (8.5/10) def. Marion Bartoli (7.5/10)
Jelena Jankovic (8/10, previously unrated) def. Lourdes Dominguez-Lino (6/10, previously unrated)
Gisela Dulko (9.5/10) def. Virginia Ruano Pascual (6.5/10, rated above)
Samantha Stosur (7/10) def. Michaella Krajicek (8.5/10)
Elena Dementieva (9/10, previously unrated) def. Sania Mirza (9.5/10)
Tatiana Golovin (9.5/10) def. Mariana Diaz-Oliva (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Nicole Vaidisova (9.5/10, rated above) def. Katerina Bondarenko (7/10, rated above)
Anabel Medina Garrigues (7.5/10) def. Su-Wei Hsieh (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Shuai Peng (8/10, previously unrated) def. Eleni Daniilidou (8.5/10)
Na Li (6.5/10, rated above) def. Meilen Tu (7/10, rated above)
Clarisa Fernandez (7/10, previously unrated) def. Conchita Martinez Granados (6/10, previously unrated)
Melinda Czink (8/10, previously unrated) def. Laura Pous-Tio (8/10, previously unrated)
Shenay Perry (7/10, previously unrated) def. Kristina Barrois (6/10, previously unrated)
Anastasia Myskina (9.5/10, unrated but mentioned in the above post) def. Cara Black (8.5/10, previously unrated)
Melanie South (6.5/10, previously unrated) def. Francesca Schiavone (6/10, previously unrated)
Nicole Pratt (6/10, previously unrated) def. Jarmila Gajdosova (7.5/10, previously unrated)
Flavia Pennetta (8/10, previously unrated) def. Sandra Kloesel (6.5/10, previously unrated)
Jie Zheng (8.5/10) def. Eva Birnerova (8/10, rated above)

Whew! That took way longer than it should have. I'll do Day 4-9 rundowns later on.

For now, those interested can observe lots of tennis photos here and here.