Budget 2016

The Lock Wallet

A friend of mine actually bought one of those RFID-blocking wallets last week, and over the weekend texted me telling me I should get one and how useful they are.

Are they effective? Mostly, yes, though some are just made of heavy paper and won't actually work. Are they necessary? Probably not, though if you think about it, the fact that you can hold your card up to a reader at Dairy Queen even while it's still inside of your unopened wallet and a quick chirp tells you that you have just sent them $18.32 of your money is an indication that at it is possible for a thief to use a similar reader and stand next to you and "get paid" the same as Dairy Queen did. After all, as anybody who has blindly tapped and realized that the machine had the wrong price on it knows that you don't have to verify the transaction with anybody before you pay up.

Regardles, look at it from First Principles. Whenever somebody has to lie to sell you something, they're probably a scam. So with that in mind, take a look at the commercial for the "Lock Wallet", one of the many RFID-blocking wallets you can find online.



How far into that video did you watch? Regardless of how long you watched it, I bet you saw the whopper of a lie they opened up with.


Let's follow the zero's here. $190,000,000,000,000. That's a big number. That's $190,000,000,000 thousand. That's $190,000,000 million. $190,000 billion. Yes indeed, we're talking one hundred and ninety trillion dollars of credit card fraud. Isn't that scary?

You're right to be scared. That's 432 times higher than Canada's entire rate of credit card debt of C$572 billion ($439.78 billion US). In fact, it's not only higher than Canada and the U.S. card debt combined, it's actually higher than the total amount of credit card debt on the planet. In fact it's more than the global GDP and oh wait a minute, they completely made that number up didn't they?

Yeah, fraud accounts for about $16 billion a year in the United States which isn't nothing, but probably doesn't sell as many RFID wallets. Besides, the biggest source of fraud is from the "trusted source": skimming of ATMs or convenience store tills.

No, the best defense against fraud is to report any suspicious purchases. Which almost never happens because your bank catches the person using your credit card number long before you do. I've lost count of how many times I've discovered my card isn't working and when I finally get a hold of the VISA security team it's to learn my card has been buying gas from Canadian Tire in Brampton Ontario and they already disabled the card and flagged it to alert law enforcement. Most likely, by the time I get my replacement card a few days later the perpetrators are already caught. Police are starting to make headway actually catching these guys.

So go buy the $5 wallet at the leather store in the mall. There isn't a 190 trillion dollar problem that you need to worry about solving. Unless it's disposing our useless tit of a Prime Minister over his upcoming federal deficit...

Trudeau's made of piss so his litmus test is pretty acidic

Neo-Keynsians have struck again.

Bloomberg reports that Rat Bastard 2.0 is about to unveil his first budget, and post a huge deficit just months after his retarded voter base blamed Stephen Harper for a debt caused entirely by Handjob Jack Layton.

But look how many far-left falsehoods authors Theophilos Argitis and Andrew Mayeda pass off as if they were truths.

Trudeau is taking advantage of a unique confluence of conditions unavailable to most: the fiscal room to experiment given Canada’s low debt levels, a parliamentary majority that allows him to execute without legislative obstacles, a clear mandate from the electorate to dip into the red and a prolonged political honeymoon at home.

Canada doesn't have "low debt levels" for one: the only way you can say an absolute lie like that with a straight face is if you're comparing Canada to countries pushing total debt-insanity. Our public debt as a percentage of GDP is 21st highest in the world (84.1%, which is 24.1% higher than the requirement to be allowed to join the European Union): worse than nations like Germany (81.9%), Netherlands (71.7%), Belgium (65.3%), India (66.8%), and Sweden (38%).

In fact, look at the other countries named at the top of the recent world's happiest people report and find that Canada has the second-worst debt/GDP ratio after Iceland, and a public debt/GDP ratio over double that of New Zealand, Australia, and the Scandahoovian countries. Sure Canada after ten years of Stephen Harper (pbuh) looks great compared to America after 8 years of President Monkey (103%), Japan in the midst of a demographic death spiral (226%), the Portugal that China bailed out in return to political favours (121%), or Greece in a massively public implosion (161%). But we're in a cluster with France, the UK, Spain, and Egypt. Not exactly the healthy debt countries one looks towards. And with the economy expected to be stagnant and Shiny Pony wasting another $30-$35 billion this year alone by the time Canadians are throwing rotten fruit at him to "celebrate" the one-year anniversary of his election we'll be in the 90% debt club...and don't forget that every province not lead by Brad Wall is also spending like drunken sailors too: even if the federal government could keep their spending pecker in their pants the provincial governments would mismanage Canada into the poorhouse anyways.

Rat Bastard 2.0 also doesn't have "a clear mandate" to spend taxpayers (most of whom also didn't vote for the prick) money on increasing debt. We've already established that most Liberal voters had no clue what was in his platform or what it meant. So Argitis and Mayeda are straight up lying here. Shiny Pony also got 40% of the vote, which isn't exactly the huge mandate that the authors seem to think it is -- parliamentary majority or no. And of course, he doesn't have a "prolonged political honeymoon". Talk to anybody who isn't a left-wing journalist and you'll see people spitting on your shoes if you even mention his name. Trudeau's Vogue photoshoots don't reflect the will of the people...again either Argitis and Mayeda are ignorant or they are actively being evil.

Unfortunately, when you have a horrible brain-dead "leader" to promote and his mental shortcomings prevent him from being the City on the Hill that you're pushing for, you have to come up with a narrative. And for that, you find...

To make the transformation, Trudeau is relying on his flair and dynamism -- he has enjoyed rock-star coverage from global media -- to attract attention to his agenda. Honeymoons however can be short-lived and past decades have seen the initial glow around center-left leaders fade, sometimes very quickly.

“There is appetite in the world for someone new on the left that could be an icon,” said Darrell Bricker, a pollster for Ipsos Reid in Toronto. At the same time, inspirational leaders almost always “run smack into reality.”

Trudeau is already coming up against the limits of style and personal persuasion. He made his G-20 debut in Antalya, Turkey last fall arguing that an economic case could be made for accepting refugees from Syria, with little success as recent developments in Europe have shown. On fiscal issues, the old balanced-budget front remains powerful. Even the U.S., with all its caution about cutting deficits too quickly, can’t follow Canada’s lead toward more expansionary fiscal policy given the two-year bipartisan budget plan agreed to by Obama last year.

He's a great leader, a brilliant plan, a litmus test to the world...oh, and he's completely out of touch with reality and "up against the limits" of hagiographic nonsense like the kind Argitis/Mayeda are desperately peddling, because when you get a guy who's biggest claim to fame is being a shitty bouncer trying to discuss world financial matters with people who may not have known as much as Stephen Harper (pbuh) but at least know something, things fall apart.

Which is pretty much what even Bloomberg is forced to admit.

One way to bolster the case for fiscal stimulus is to make smart spending decisions that will pay off in the long-run by boosting Canada’s productive capacity. Trudeau’s budget, to be released March 22 by Finance Minister Bill Morneau, will outline in detail estimates of how their spending will trickle through the economy and boost growth.

And here's where the ridiculousness of the neo-Keynsians come into play: when times are "tough" they can't say enough about the need to go into deficit spending to stimulate the economy. But when times start going good, they absolutely never believe that it's the time to completely abolish welare, fire 80% of the civil service, and cease funding every government program you can imagine. It's the infamous "one-way road" that ultimately means this supposed "litmus test" is complete and utter bullshit. (As an aside, Keynes was talking about running a deficit that was only 3% of GDP).

In other words, everybody knows that Trudeau is a lying piece of filth. The useless cunt has absolutely no intention of cutting spending when the economy heats up, but he's pretending now to be the disciple of some sort of economic deity that can save us all.

There are also potential pitfalls: wasted money on pet projects, corruption and inflated bureaucracy that does little to boost growth. It can also be tricky to turn the ship around.

“When you increase the budget deficit, it’s difficult to go back,” said Domenico Lombardi, director of the global economy program at the Centre for International Governance Innovation in Waterloo, Ontario. “You create a whole set of vested interests that put consistent pressure on you to keep policy expansionary.”

In other words: rampant corruption (always a problem when the Liberal Party of Canada is around) and an extremely biased civil service that will always be looking after themselves and screwing over the country means that Canada is setup for failure.

Of course we knew that Rat Bastard 2.0 was going to be a humiliating failure. He gets that from his useless father who's grave we all love to piss on.

Saskatoon pussies can't handle being called pussies

If they pass this bylaw, I'm going to Saskatoon and calling everybody I see a queer, starting with that tiny-dicked loser Brian Trainor.

Space Cop liveblog

I'm not driving all the way out to Mill Hoods to go to a houseparty, mostly because my rims are on the nicer side. So what better way to spend the evening than with a liveblog of the Red Letter Media film Space Cop? This will be the Blu-Ray version of the film (there's a digital download as well, though I believe they are the same version). The movie is 102 minutes, and just for fun one day you should watch the video while listening to first Is the Is Are by DIIV followed up with Limblifter's Limblifter, a sort of do-it-yourself "Dark Side of the Rainbow" that probably makes about as much sense.

Anyways, tonight's liveblog will start at 6:55pm MT (8:55pm ET, and 12:55am Greenwich Mean Time). Go get your popcorn (or booze) and we'll meet back here. This will mean it can be over in time for me to start Human Achievement Hour.

6:55pm: Slight delay folks, should be starting in a minute or two.

6:58pm: And we're underway with a 2058 version of Milwaukee.

6:59pm: Was that an Earth Alliance destroyer in the space shot? Jessi Nakles is the voice of your police dispatcher.

7:01pm: Did the Mayor of the Moon buy his moustache from Neil Patrick Harris in A Million Ways to Die in the West?

7:03pm: With a little help from Mike and a plot point borrowed by Demolition Man, Space Cop saves the day. Or seems to, until a key plot point is revealed a second too late. The gunman holding the Mayor had planted a bomb in the mines, killing untold numbers. Because we aren't told.

7:04pm: Opening credits. I'll say here too that I've heard that unless you're a fan of RLM's works (example: the "New Bean Factory" joke) this movie isn't going to appeal to you. That's one of the many questions about this movie that I hope to answer here tonight.

7:05pm: Our first hot dog sighting.

7:06pm: "Star Wort" isn't a bad name for a beer, frankly.

7:10pm: Oh God, it's the Patton Oswalt cameo. Apparently Oswalt is a big RLM fan, and I suppose it's nice to see a bit of "star power" [they couldn't land Simon Pegg, huh? -ed]. But I don't like Patton Oswalt. I don't find his comedy very funny (partly because he reminds me way too much of Orny Adams, the "up and comer" featured in the Seinfeld movie Comedian), and of course his politics leave much to be desired. I guess the one good thing I can say about him is that he's on the right side of the free expression "debate" (and how weird is it to have a debate like that). Good on him and all, but again we shouldn't be finding it special or praiseworthy that somebody opposes limits on free expression. I will say though, for the purposes of fairness, the Oswalt's "do I sign out" bit was one of my favourite parts of the trailer. As an extended joke, though, it isn't quite as good. "Wazzup"? Really? The holographic balloon was the highlight.

7:13pm: Now promoted to Space Traffic Cop, Space Cop is hiding behind a space billboard reading a space book when an alien in a "Kbutu" class scoutship speeds by. The pilot doesn't seem to be up to anything good, barreling towards a suspicious wormhole and a mothership. Space Cop puts pedal to the medal, and this is going to end just like Star Trek: First Contact isn't it?

7:15pm: The original plan of the aliens was to land in 1985 (the year of Buckaroo Bonzai), but instead end up going to 2007 thanks to damage caused by Space Cop's lasers. Some nice classic 80s synth music accompanies Space Cop as he stumbles through the jungles of Wisconsin. (A park in Milwaukee, which is odd since Milwaukee was the future setting. That wasn't really necessary, was it?

7:17pm: 8 years later, Space Cop is heading to "The Grabowski's" set where he resolves a domestic dispute at the minor cost of a baby. Hey kids, remember The Grabowskis? That was a good show.

7:18pm: I assume that in the 8 years he's been in our time, Space Cop has learned he doesn't have a signal. I'm also amazed it's still Jessi's voice doing the dispatch. Of course, it happened in Back to the Future III as well.

7:19pm: The stereotypically angry black police captain is pretty awesome, and he does the Samauri Cop gag. Not sure why Reagan is still on the wall in 2015, but I approve. Beats President Monkey.

7:21pm: The evil future ship is breaking into a BioTech lab and they mention that our primitive computers aren't compatible with their Future!Computers. This is true, actually. Try using your iPad and a 5.25" disk drive.

7:25pm: The pancreatic cancer lady and the Enron guy were a bit of a shame interrupting the flow of the laser fight. Quick cuts to Space Cop's timid partner work okay for quick contrast. Finally the laser blasts dislodge Mike's Past!Cop character, who keeps Space Cop from stopping the bad guys at a crucial moment, allowing them to fly away.

7:28pm: Hi Nadine! Jocelyn Ridgely makes her appearance as a Woman in Black. A brain in a jar with Mike's voice is being interfaced with a computer. The brain demands a new body.

7:32pm: "Cop from the past, meet cop from the future." Mike (Detective Ted Cooper) is a frozen Milwaukee cop from the past, wearing a sterotypical trenchcoat. They're on the tail the "Gold Digger" (Jay Bauman), who for seven years has been stealing gold, but only good. One of the cops jokingly surmises that an alien from the future used a short-range teleporter. If you watched the Half in the Bag episode where they reviewed Cowboys and Aliens you know that the gold is a clue, probably used for the brain's wiring. I also liked the "no smoking" gag.

7:33pm: Already Mike's "old timey" accent is getting old.

7:35pm: There are a lot of glory shots of Milwaukee up here. I almost got to go last year but I never got around to it.

7:37pm: The bartender is played by the same actor who played the Moon Mayor. They didn't even ditch the moustache. (I guess he did mention something about his grandfather being a lowly bartender in the opening scene). Special camero by Freddie the comic book artist as a solitaire playing bar patron. There's a nice gag about microbrews and the selection of beers in modern pubs.

7:38pm: The hack frauds are on screen together for the first time. Cooper's gold watch has caught the Gold Digger's eyes, who uses a future-device to teleport the watch off his hands. Space Cop is recruited for the exciting chase sequence, which has some great use of the sun's lighting.

7:41pm: Did you catch all the "celebrities with secret deformities" on the clickbait ad in Space Cop's helmet? Along with all the RLM regulars there's Freddie the artist, and both Colin and Jim from Canada. Porn on his HUD keeps Space Cop out of the chase, but a little shaky-cam later and Cooper has made the collar in Mike and Jessi's back yard. The Gold Digger tries to fight his way out, but Space Cop accidentally stuns him with his space gun.

7:43pm: First appearance of that Redlettermedia staple, the slowly running shot. Is there anybody who finds it actually funny?

7:46pm: Josh (The Wizard) and Freddie in the back of the bar, as Cooper's plan is put into action. Space Cop poses as a gold-loving rapper on a TV morning show in order to lure the Gold Digger into stealing gold.

7:47pm: A whole raft of misplaced fag jokes. The context seems completely out of place. They didn't exactly flow organically from elements of the script.

7:49pm: "We saw where he went, now we level the building. That's police work."

7:50pm: The "most treasured possession" gag wasn't nearly executed as well here as it was in the first attempt to do Space Cop a few years back.

7:52pm: Space Cop tells the story how his wife was killed in the future for revenge for past events that almost certainly will come into play later in the film.

7:53pm: It's the old woman "Carol" from that one Half in the Bag episode playing a receptionist. Space Cop's ID is just a hologram, and Cooper again wants to have a cigarette in a building.

7:56pm: Chike Johnson's character even has a picture of his alien family on the desk. Nice touch.

8:00pm: Strip clubs in movies always are very non-risque. And so few members of the clientele ever seem interested in the strippers.

8:03pm: A ripoff to the theme song to "Chip and Dale's Rescue Rangers" plays in the background while Jocelyn awkwardly moves around on stage in frumpy clothing.

8:07pm: Space Cop is starting to put the plan together, and he and Cooper have the traditional police buddy cop movie "falling out" scene. The sudden appearance of rain that clearly only covers Rich Evans coincides with the emotional "punch" of the movie. The two cop's methods couldn't be more different, but Cooper figures out that "Aleon Steel" doesn't mean they're aliens that steal. As the thunder rolls, the two cops "break up" and go their separate ways.

8:08pm: Special appearance of the "Sith Droid" from Star Wars Episode IV

8:12pm: Rich Evans plays drunk Space Cop about the same as he plays Harry Plinkett on Half in the Bag. Space Cop drives to the home of the man who killed his wife in the future (who is of course 9 years old) with murder on his mind. Unfortunately he accidentally kills the boy's father, and the boy gets away. So yeah, it's Terminator 3 time travel rules, not Terminator 2 time travel rules. Space Cop dropped a train on the kid, but it's obvious that he didn't actually die.

8:16pm: Cooper is investigating the break-in at the cryogenics lab, where he discovers that a misunderstood genius was stolen from the cryotube. "Denise Grabowski" is the name of the reporter that shows the news story where the scientist promises an "X-38" device and is attacked by an angry mob. There are a couple good gabs that keep the audience interested as the plot is developed: the cryo-scientist accidentally played his voyeur tape, and Cooper almost drank weird science-poison.

8:17pm: The X-38 device is a man-made black hole that would serve as a power source. Mike, of course, stole this idea from the Romulans (that's what they use to power their Warbirds instead of a traditional warp drive).

8:19pm: And we're on our way back into space! They accidentally down a jumbo jet and temporarily go all Star Trek Into Darkness on downtown Milwaukee.

8:21pm: Now that the brain is causing evil, he's killing the aliens using the same tubes that the DVD/VCR combo used to attack Jay/Mike/Plinkett in Half in the Bag. Jay does what he thought Bobba Fett should have done in Return of the Jedi...says "bye" when shit goes south and walks away.

8:23pm: Speaking of Trek/Wars, just like Han Solo in The Force Awakens they boost the shields and ram into the alien ship, looking just like the USS Jenolin in "Relics" episdoe of ST:TNG.

8:25: Jocelyn the dying alien is shot, injured, and more than willing to give the cops the exposition they need to explain everything that's going on since we the audience are basically only half a step ahead of everybody else. Space Cop (Team Winner) goes to the lab to shoot the evil scientist brain, while Team Loser (Cooper) tries to reroute the power from the main reactor yadda yadda yadda.

8:27pm: THE EPIC FIGHT BETWEEN RICH EVANS AND JAY BAUMAN!

8:28pm: Len Kabasinski was obviously the Rich Evans stunt double, even before the ponytail and the gratuitous shirt ripping scene.

8:30pm: Space Cop's bloodlust takes hold, as he kills the (innocent) aliens down a hallway that was definitely inspired by some of the lighting in Alien. Sparks fly from the ceiling and moody lights fill the space.

8:33pm: Zorba and Cooper transfer the ship's power into Space Cop's police car, which is good news since Space Cop was totally knocked out by the brain. Bad news though, Space Cop's space gun is enough to give him the power he needs after all.

8:35pm: Space Cop comes through and saves the day though, smashing the jar and beating up the brain. Not thinking is sometimes the way to save the day, everybody.

8:38pm: A combination of a surprising number of extras (more than a first-season episode of Lois and Clark) and badly out-of-place stock footage is used as a Spiderman-like ceremony where Space Cop receives an award from the Mayor and goes home...to complain about the lack of recognition.

8:40pm: A nice post-credits sequence reveals the little boy did indeed survive the train wreck and is plotting his revenge against Space Cop.

9:03pm: Well that was Space Cop. It wasn't bad per se, but the pacing was fairly slow and the action scenes could have been done a little more energetically. This of course gets to the core of what most reviewers agree Space Cop did wrong: parts of it seemed to be intentionally bad (which the RLM gang is quick to describe as the "worst kind of movie") and other parts were done with a lot more legitimacy. Just like with their movie Feeding Frenzy some of the visuals really stick with you. I really enjoyed the Gold Digger chase scene -- until it held too long on the "heads up display infected by porn ads" joke. Likewise the fight scene in the cryo-facility: it had a decent amount of tension and then kept cutting to random opened cryopods, even though the cop sitting on the floor checking his phone worked just fine as a quick comic relief cutaway. Remember when Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom kept cutting between both Short-Round and Winnie during fight scenes, and how that was a little too much? Well this movie repeated that sort of mistake in almost every scene.

And they didn't have to. With a little more streamlined pacing and action scenes choreographed to have more vitality, this could have been a quality action-comedy. There were several jokes that worked, several that didn't, a couple that you needed to be a Redlettermedia fan to even notice, and a tone that mostly held up from scene to scene. Too much of the bad acting seemed to be legitimately bad (which, again, isn't as good as just accidentally bad) and they were using a lot of obviously local actors who probably could have been directed to deliver their lines a little more like real movie characters might. Having both lead characters using a silly voice that obviously wasn't their own didn't help either: the scenes between these two were supposed to be the emotional core of the film but half the time you just wished they'd hired somebody with a funny different voice to play the part. I know that it's a necessary part of the charm of the film, and Redlettermedia fans are going to want to watch their favourite members of the team play major characters. But just like Jay was only in the movie for scant parts of the running time, Mike could have been as well. It would have required a significant re-tool, but the on-screen reality of the "cop from the past / cop from the future" gag just didn't work well for the audience.

Space Cop as a character though is the sort of thing that could definitely work in a sequel (which is setup in the post-credits sequence), though giving him a better foil to play off of is essential. If there is another Space Cop to be made (unlikely, but bear with me) or if one day somebody ends up remaking it with Hollywood money, that's the main thing that needs to change. An action with elements of humour or even outright gags can work (Lethal Weapon 2 comes to mind), but the action and the character interaction really needs to be played straight. Space Cop does a lot right, but gets these things wrong.

Also worth shouting out to how great the special effects looked. In fact, even though the ship movements were choppy in a few places, the VFX in general looked better than the live-action stuff. This created an odd inverse of the situation from old 80s B-grade scifi movies where the effects were so bad that you were taken out of the picture. Here you see a couple actors who aren't particularly convincing (Rich Evans and Mike Stoklasa) in relatively unprofessional costumes and often slapped-together sets, and then it cuts to a beautiful shot of an alien spaceship in orbit of the planet.

This is a rough movie to ultimately "rate". It's missing just a few too many low-budget charms for a movie of this type, and is self-aware enough that while fans of Redlettermedia may appreciate it, the general public almost certainly won't. The actors were playing characters that too often were aware they were just characters in a cheap independent film, which means they're in on the joke with us. It's better if we seem to think the joke is ours alone, or there's no joke (note: this is different than no jokes) and it's a straight-up flick the whole family can enjoy.

Unless they don't like swear words. Because obviously there are a lot.

The 3,467th least sensible thing VIA Rail has done

Some prankster has threatened a VIA Rail train.

A spokesman for the passenger rail company says a threat was received recently and police were informed, but it appeared to be unsubstantiated.

Sounds like your usual garden variety threat, right? The kind that was plaguing Calgary schools last February that are not really legitimate and the announcement of which plays right into the goofball's hands.

So naturally, in the wake of a completely unfounded threat that in no way actually impacts the Crown Corporation, VIA Rail has decided to...

...

...act on them.

Via Rail says it has increased police and canine patrols in certain train stations following what it calls an "unfounded" threat.

So is this a case of officials publicly stating that the threat was unfounded but in reality knowing it is legitimate and planning accordingly? Or is it another case of security overreactions and ass-covering that will make VIA Rail (somehow even) more expensive and ultimately provide no tangible benefit to either train-riders or the public at large?

The answer, of course, is the second one. [as an aside, extra security was implemented after the nonsensical Calgary bomb threats as well. -ed]

Quote of the Day

The Left is totally on alert for anyone carrying something that could be used as a weapon. This, I think, reflects:

• Their own knowledge of how unstable and impulse-driven they themselves are.
• Any peon with a weapon is a potential threat to the regime.

And it's a direct result of the progressive (deliberate pun) feminization of child-rearing today.

BOYCOTT OXFORD DENTAL

Fake "Syrian" "refugees" who shouldn't be in this country definitely shouldn't be getting free dental care.

Memo to Dr. Yousif Chaaban: there are Albertans who could use free dental care, if you're feeling charitable. If you get one of these future terrorists in your chair, don't treat them.

Remove them.

Liberals hate hockey

Sean "Down Goes Brown" McIndoe has a column in the far-left British rag The Guardian about the lacklustre performance of Canadian NHL teams.

Canada has seven of the NHL’s 30 teams, and barring a miracle, all seven will miss the playoffs this year – according to Sports Club Stats, the country’s best hope for a postseason appearance rests with the Ottawa Senators, who have just a 1.7% chance of making it. It would be the first time that no Canadian team has made the playoffs since 1970, and back then there were only three.

The arguments he makes are, broadly speaking (and in the order he presents them):

1. It's just a coincidence.
2. Economics and the low Canadian dollar
3. The Chicago Cubs effect
4. It's a massive conspiracy
5. The other "Chicago Cubs effect"

What isn't mentioned, of course, is the real reason all the Canadian teams have been having trouble since Patrick Roy et Les Habs defeated Wayne Gretzky and Kelly Hrudey.

The Liberal Party of Canada.

Down Goes Brown mentions the struggles faced by Canadian teams in the 1990s: teams leaving Winnipeg and Queerbec City, more teams threatening to leave, a lack of a salary cap. The salary cap was finally brought in after the 2004-2005 lockout^†, but note that the Calgary Flames ended a decade-long Canadian team drought in the Stanley Cup Playoffs to make it to Game 7 in 2004. (Speaking of conspiracy theories, there's one that the league deliberately botched the call on the Gelinas goal)

The Flames actually kicked off quite the run of Canadian teams making it to the Finals: after Calgary in 2004 and nothing in 2005 there was Edmonton in 2006, Ottawa in 2007, and then Vancouver in 2011. After a decade of no Canadian teams in the Finals, there was a half decade of Canadian teams regularly appearing. A major factor, of course, was the strength of the Canadian dollar. It spent about four months worth more than the U.S. dollar in 2007 and weathered the 2008 economic crisis before finally falling due to a variety of factors. Not entirely coincidentally, one of those factors was Rat Bastard 2.0 becoming Prime Minister. When the Liberal Party of Canada is in charge, the Canadian dollars falls to shit (because the country is being led by shitty retards).


Even the above graphic doesn't tell the full extent of the Liberal duplicity. Notice the uptick in the first chunk of Liberal governance? That would signify the brief reign of Paul Martin, the former Finance Minister who satisfied investors that the disaster who was Jean "blacks should smile more" Chretien was over and done with. Under his leadership the Canadian dollar returned to some levels of sanity, finally culminating in the parity-and-beyond years of Stephen Harper. Those same Harper years that the Canadian left is treating like a Nazi occupation were also the years that the Canadian dollar wasn't assigned to the international financier kiddie table, and, not surprisingly, the end to the Stanley Cup Finals drought. Let's examine that timespan again.


We're talking the definition of small sample sizes here, but note that the Cup drought of the 1990s and early 2000s perfectly lines up with the "stewardship" of Teflon Jean. This information would surely offend the delicate sensitivities of Guardian readers^‡, but it's the truth. Under Shiny Pony, don't expect to see the Canadian dollar improve. With that, don't expect a lot of Canadian teams to be competing for the top prize.<sup>§

†</sup> The salary cap, remember, was supposed to "save" teams like the financially struggling Oilers. It hasn't gone according to plan. 

^‡ If we want to tack on another sorta conspiracy theory, McIndoe writes for a variety of outlets, but let's just say ignoring the responsibility on bad liberal fiscal management was probably a contractual requirement of them taking on the piece.

^§ Barring exports for things that don't rhyme with "foil", this will be true for most things. The low dollar is good for manufacturing in vote-rich Ontario, of course, as it covers up inefficiencies caused by union thuggery and socialized medicine.

Rachel Arab Caption Contest!

No more #SafeSpaces

A good sign out of Vancouver [not a phrase you get to hear very often! -ed] as Richmond, B.C. has a new playpark that at the very least has the illusion that a kid can acually hurt himself while playing.

The park was purposely designed to let kids take risks in a safe environment. Features of the playground include ziplines, various size swings, a rolling hill, and a rope walkway.

Levi Higgs says he really values all these design features.

"At the end of the day, you're never going to be able to protect your kids from everything that could happen to them," he told CTV Vancouver. "So you have to get them to learn how to handle themselves, and be able to pick themselves back up."

Now, local leaders in Delta, B.C., also want to bring back an element of risk as they plan an update of the Annieville playground.

Researchers say riskier play helps prepare kids for real life, and that kids who aren't allowed to take risks may show greater anxiety and depression later on.

More critically, these "risky playgrounds" (while not, sadly, actually risky like quality playgrounds used to look) are a rare chance for us to step away from the Pussification of Society, that disgusting scourge on our civilization that leaves us with "no-zero" policies and "trigger warnings" and the banning of The Great Gatsby from college campuses.

This is the same pussification that leads to the veneration of the sodomistic lifestlye, cowardly mayors talking tough against men daring to discuss being a man, and pouring urine over a journalist who speaks the truth (while at the same time demanding an end to private firearms ownership).

A slightly riskier playground won't stop that tomorrow. But maybe, just maybe, it might hard wire a brain or two in Richmond to accept that there's a big tough world out there, and when it hurts you the only response is to get better at taking the punishment it dishes out.

At least this is from the network that doesn't cost you $1B a year

Yes, Virginia, CTV News and the Canadian Press have dedicated an article to explaining a basic fact about best-before-dates...namely, they're about 75% marketing and 25% honesty.

Best-before dates, sometimes called durable-life dates, are required on food with a shelf life of less than 90 days, like milk. Products with an expected shelf life of more than 90 days, like canned tomatoes and dry pasta, need not be labelled because the dates are not tied into safety.

That sounds like somebody who has never had a thing of ketchup for so long it turned into the colour of BBQ sauce, or a jar of Thousand Island dressing that ended up looking more like Russian dressing, or Kraft Dinner that was so old it got infested by weevils.

Will Shiny Pony use "evidence" to leave GMOs unlabelled?

I can't wait for Dalhousie physicist Arthur McDonald to demand the Liberal government use evidence about when life begins and ban abortions.

Turks are jerks

Remember when Turkey demanded €3 in protection money foreign aid from the EU in return for not dumping migrants onto Europe and playing nice as it slowly become a European Union member itself?

Well rumour has it that there's going to be an additional €17 processing fee.

All you need to know about the homeless is they don't deserve your tax dollars

Jesus Christ once said that "The poor you will always have with you", a clever way to encapsulate the economic reality that because human beings aren't equal, there will always be wealth disparties (even in a super-duper-socialist country!) equal to or greater than the disparity between the people themselves.

Justin "Rat Bastard 2.0" Trudeu thinks homelessness is caused by evil right-wingers failing to give jobs to drunken Indians.

It's the latter (and incorrect) mindset about homelessness that motivated the "homeless census" by which activists compete to find the biggest sob story cases to mandate stealing money from hardworking taxpayers to give to lazy layabouts.

Federal data shows that in Peel Region, next to Toronto, 12.3 per cent of shelter users are immigrants and 3.9 per cent are refugees. In Prince George, B.C., women experience more 'episodic homelessness' -- three or more homeless episodes a year -- than men, the reverse of most communities outside the North.

Nanaimo's mild weather makes it easier for people to sleep outside, and the local jail adds to the homeless population because inmates have "nowhere to go when they finish their sentence."

As can be expected for far-left articles about homelessness, expect scary sounding statistics to be quoted without context. Peel Region actually has more immigrants than Canadians living in it, so when you hear that 12.3% of shelter users are immigrants your first thought should be "that number ought to be closer to 50%", rather than feel some sort of shame that poor immigrants are forced into shelters. This is understandable when you remember that (especially under the Right Honourable Stephen Harper) immigrants were at least required to demonstrate an ability to live in Canada without social assistance. In fact, if 12.3% of immigrants are living in shelters then they should be immediately deported as they have failed to live up to the requirements Canada had for their permission to enter the country. The rapeugee count is harder to pin down: the Peel Region had a population of 1,296,814^†, 650,530 of them were immigrants. Rapeugees account for 25,000 a year (plus another 25,000 fake "Syrian" "refugees") nationwide out of a total annual immigration pool of 250,000, meaning you would expect there to be some 65,053 rapeugees in Peel (before the Syrian terrorists moved in). So be glad that despite 5.01% of the population being freeloading fakers from other countries, they only makeup 3.9% of the shelter use. Expect that percentage to spike as the fake "Syrian" "refugees" pour in.

^† Like the immigrant figures, this is from the 2011 census

Remember too the part about "the local jail adds to the homeless population because inmates have nowhere to go when they finish their sentence." Nowhere is that assertion backed up at all. More likely, the evil 2008 "Response to Homelessness Action Plan" has lured in more and more bums from other (colder) parts of the country. I don't doubt, however, that homeless people are of such low moral character that many turn out to be criminals as well.

Regardless, your money is being wasted on a "homelessness census". Don't be surprised when the results of this wasteful project are calls for even more of your money.

"For the poor shall never cease out of the land" said Deuteronomy 15:11, and boy is it ever true. It goes onto say "Thou shalt open thine hand wide unto thy brother, to thy poor, and to thy needy, in thy land".

And if you didn't plan to do so, far-left SJW politicans will force your hand open and take everything in it.

(Less) Sunny Ways...

After five months under PM Selfie: Canada places sixth in the 2016 Happiest Nations ranking

After nine years under Stephen Harper (pbuh): Canada places fifth in the 2015 Happiest Nations ranking

How do I move away from Canada?

With Donald Trump inching closer to the Presidency, loony-left Americans who had no problem living under the nightmare of President Monkey have suddenly decided to get out of Dodge.

Of course, there are more than a few issues with this (for one, haven't these celebrities already moved north after the 2004 and/or 2008 elections?) but the problem might be that if you think Donald Trump is an embarrassing joke who has the IQ of a rabbit, you're going to hate Rat Bastard 2.0.

This never would have happened under a Christian mayor populace

The "Religion of Peace" shoots up a cemetary near Calgary. Saddening, apparently.

Guess how white the perpetrator ain't?

Another attack on Canadian soldiers on public property.

E pluribus unum

I can't decide which one I'm more exicted about getting raped; whiny "aboriginals" or the environment.

#statedinner

President Monkey and Shiny Pony had a historic state dinner together.

Here's an exclusive photo:

2016 Brier: Newfoundland vs. Alberta Gold Medal Game Liveblog

Live from the shitty city where Rat Bastard 2.0 lives, it's the 2016 Brier sponsored by the shitty Alberta-hating coffee company that no patriotic citizen should be frequenting.

Top skip Brad Gushue's Newfoundland (called "Newfoundland and Labrador" by clueless dolts) versus Alberta's Kevin Koe is the gold medal game coming up...right now.

(Note: all times are MT)

5:33pm: The teams are now coming out, starting with Team Newfoundland in red and white shirts with black pants. The girl carrying the Newfoundland flag looks to have been beaten by the ugly stick.

5:35pm: Now Alberta is coming out with white/blue/yellow shifts and also black pants (where's Norway when you need them?). An equally ugly girl carrying the Alberta flag. What's with that?

5:38pm: Earlier today in a close match saw Northern Ontario beat Manitoba in 11 ends. I would have watched more but I was interrupted by a Skype call from Vegas where two girls (one a stripper) were catfighting in the street. If that happens again, this liveblog will rapidly end. Sorry about that.

5:41pm: "Meet the Team" is on. I already forgot the Newfie's names. Kevin Koe curls from Glencoe rink in Calgary. Alberta will be playing the yellow stone tonight, and Newfoundland gets the first hammer.

5:42pm: Alberta's first stone is a decent guard in between the two traitorous coffee cups, while Newfoundland's first stone just slid into the top of the white.

5:44pm: The seconds are now up. Laing clears the Newfoundland rocks out of the house, but Brett Gallant puts his first stone back just outside the top of the red.

5:48pm: Beautiful play by Newfoundland's Nichols to clear the Alberta rocks out of the house and preserve his stone as a guard.

5:49pm: Koe's first rock didn't need much sweeping to draw into the top of the white. Still should be an easy takeout for Gushue, though it's unclear if that will be his strategy.

5:50pm: It wasn't a pure takout: Gushue repeated Nichols' trick, turning his guard into the takeout rock and leaving a deuce on the table.

5:51pm: Koe's second rock was an amazing draw almost to the button right behind Gushue's rock. Alberta might manage a steal here, or at least keeping the Newfies off the board.

5:52pm: Gushue tried the same trick three times and it just didn't work: while he moved Alberta's rock back he moved his guard out more: Alberta steals a point and it's 1-0.

5:57pm: Newfoundland of course holds the hammer in the second end, and TSN charmingly cuts to enough commercials and warmup promos that the leads have already played their rocks.

6:03pm Tonight's beer accompaniment is "Pothole Filler Stout" by Howe Sound Brewery in BC. Newfoundland is putting on a good show here: they've started filling the house after combining with Alberta to put a set of guards over the top right of the house.

6:04pm: Marc Kennedy went a little too far on his first rock, putting a stone behind the button and not helping Alberta much with the double steal. Newfoundland repeats Kennedy's shot to put a rock just closer than the Alberta stone.

6:09pm: Both thirds are named Mark/Marc. That's confusing when you're hearing the teams yell at each other while in the other room. Gushue does another really nice takeout that clears the two Alberta stones that were hanging around the button.

6:10pm: Koe draws almost straight into the button a second time, but Gushue is already thinking about trying to score two by bumping his guard in.

6:11pm: Alberta steals rock, and almost steals two. 2-0 Alberta.

6:13pm: The kids in this "Rocks and Rings" ad are sounding pretty convincing, though I'm not 100% sure it really gets kids as interested in curling as advertised.

6:17pm: The fastest rock of the game as Laing's shot fired the Newfoundland guard off the ice but at the price of his own shot.

6:20pm: Great shot there by Newfoundland's Gallant. But Alberta can still knock it back and be in position for another steal.

6:22pm: Kennedy's shot does 90% of what he intended, another bullet that unfortunately leaves the Alberta rock in the top of the blue as a guard for the Newfoundland stone in the white. Nichols followed up with a shot that leaves Alberta a chance to hold Newfoundland to a single. Probably best to try and get the hammer next round and try multiple points rather than keep stealing a single at a time.

6:27pm: Pretty much impossible for Alberta to get a point here in the third end. It's damage control: minimize the ability of Newfoundland to rack up more than a single.

6:28pm: Koe's last rock cleared all but a single Newfoundland rock out of the house, and Gushue predictably followed up with an easy draw to the empty (and easy to access) button. Alberta still leads with a score of 2-1.

6:35pm: Again we start well into the fourth end: Gallant clears the Alberta rock to put two Newfoundland stones in the white. It's almost a picture-perfect representation of how Alberta was positioned at this point in the third.

6:40pm: Nicols with a double-tap;double-takeout that clears the house and drives the crowd wild. Very pro-Newfie crowd. In other words, probably very anti-Alberta. Rachel Arab's "soft sell" is working great, isn't it? Get that worthless troll out of the legislature by any means necessary.

6:42pm: Nichols' second shot isn't nearly as nice as his first, clipping his own rock and leaving Alberta the only side with a stone in the house. Kennedy's second shot is way better than his first, putting a stone right on the line so Newfoundland will need two shots to clear the two rocks irregardless of what Koe does next.

6:47pm: Koe hits the deuce he was after. 4-1 Alberta lead.

6:49pm: That kid in "for the love of curling" ad is pretty effeminate.

7:03pm: Alberta clears the house of Newfoundland rocks on Koe's final shot. Still leading 4-2.

7:17pm: The sixth end is underway, and Newfoundland has finally figured out that if you drop a rock in front of the Alberta stones it forces Koe's rink to deal with it and sacrifice their own rocks, rather than just cleanly taking out yours.

7:19pm: What's the crowd chanting? Ricola?

7:25pm: Koe's first rock clears the back half of the house rather than getting fancy and cute, deciding to forgo a second point in order to prevent a steal from Newfoundland.

7:28pm: Koe's second shot is an absolute disaster, causing Newfoundland to score a steal. Alberta now only leads 4-3. That was very ugly.

7:37pm: Laing's last rock is a beautiful shot but not as important to the match as Gallant's last rock. The red is chock-full of stones and that doesn't bode well for Alberta which needs to score a deuce here while they have last rock and the lead.

7:39pm: Nichols with another impressive shot that clearly secures Newfoundland the shot rock and enough traffic up ahead to make it difficult for Alberta to even score a point this end, let alone multiple.

7:45pm: There's a complete mess in the house, and endless debate between both skips and their crews on what to do and how to do it. "Pray that the angles work out perfect" is a statement that has inexplicably only been said once.

7:46pm: The traffic jam in the house looks like a pool table after I break.

7:53pm: Alberta has finally decided what Koe's first rock should be.

7:57pm: Gushue's last rock was a monster, clearing half the Alberta stones and leaving open the possibility of a steal to tie the game!

7:58pm: Koe comes through! Three points to give Alberta a 7-3 lead after Newfoundland's rock is knocked out with only a single Alberta stone having to be knocked out as collateral damage.

8:02pm: No word of a lie, I was on the edge of my seat there. There were so many ways that could have ended, and the final result was pretty much the perfect result from Alberta. The men's curling trophy has been brought into the arena. Can we just call it the Clavet Cup?

8:09pm: The eighth is flying by in comparison to the seventh end: Nichols' last stone cleared Alberta out of the house leaving only the two Newfoundland rocks in the bottom half of the house.

8:13pm: Pretty empty house here as the skips throw their final rock of the eighth end. And with that, my Jamie-Oliver-inspired Sunday roast is ready and I'm going to have to slow down on my posting speed. Hopefully I'll be able to post a bit in the tenth. I really wasn't budgeting for the length of that seventh.

8:26pm: 7-5 Alberta lead in the ninth, Gushue has a chance here: his first rock is in the top blue with only one Alberta stone in the house (and an Alberta guard being the only other stone in play).

8:30pm: Koe is playing with fire, scoring a deuce in the 9th to take a 9-5 lead. Newfoundland concedes and Alberta is your 2016 Alberta Brier gold medal winner. Total match time is just under 3 hours.

8:43pm: The medals have been awarded: Alberta, Newfoundland, Northern Ontario are your gold/silver/bronze medal winners. Koe now gets a #1 national ranking. As for the game itself, Alberta really took the wind out of Newfoundland with those opening two steals, and then with the three-spot in the 7th (the really only dramatic end of the entire game) the match was pretty much decided. Newfoundland stayed competitive in the eighth with that deuce of their own, but Alberta had the hammer and a 7-5 lead making it very very difficult for Gushue to get anything going. His reputation of being a round-robin dynamo (2nd best record of the tournament behind Northern Ontario) but a playoff choke isn't going anywhere anytime soon. And with that, this liveblog comes to an end. Hope you enjoyed it and I hope for posterity's sake you can always see how Alberta won the 2016 [traitorous coffee shop name redacted] Brier.

None of the money was spent on driving lessons

U.S. blacks have already received $8.3 trillion in reparations.

The Upcoming Democrat Huffington Post Civil War

Monica Bauer explains why the Democratic Party should choose Hillary and send Bernie Saunders packing.

H.A. Goodman explains why Bernie is being screwed over by party neocons.

I hope they strangle each other to death.

How do you solve a problem like Maria?

A rapidly-expanding tennis scandal is unfolding as Maria Sharapova failed a drug test at the Australian Open.

Sharapova has been suspended effective March 12th and is rapidly losing sponsors.

The wrinkle is, the drug she was taking was literally 100% legal on December 31, 2015. That date, for those who are mathematically inclined, is barely two months ago. The drug is popular in Eastern Europe (it's made in Latvia, and Russian athletes have started being cut off the meldonium-machine), and has been banned not because it's a known powerful substance to improve athletic performance but instead because it's a mild performance enhancer that was taking it due to a combination of irregular heartbeat and risk factors for diabetes which may give her some leniancy when the subject of the length of her suspension comes up.

What this really starts speaking to in the age where men can pretend to be women and compete in the Olympics is why there's such a bureaucracy and rigmarole involved^† in deciding basically on a year-to-year basis what is and is not a banned substance. If you have a couple spare hours, go read the USDA Athlete's Guide to WADA Prohibited Substances or go through the entire World Anti-Doping Agency (WADA) prohibited list yourself(pdf). A word of caution, clear some space in your day.


Understandably, the social-justice ninnies at The Guardian are going the exact opposite in this one. Bryan Armen Graham literally claims that athletes shouldn't take any medication that could benefit them as human beings.

Far less binary are the ethical issues the episode raises. If you take a medicine or supplement that isn’t strictly banned but which makes you feel better on court and in general, is it wrong?

Graham then claims "white privilege" for the lack of a lynch mob coming after Sharapova, since he's convinced that the Williams sisters -- who win more titles than Maria but look less like one of the world's most beautiful people and more like giant shaved apes -- would have been drummed out of the sport by now^‡.

What idiots like Graham don't quite get is that the "entirety of her achievements" aren't at risk as he claims. She needed medicine, she took medicine, some overreacting idiots on a committee decided the medicine wasn't good for the sport anymore, and then the windows of her use and the prohibition overlapped by the tiniest of amounts. Even if she receives a ban (2 years, at most), there's no moral authority imaginable that could justify stripping her of her existing titles (as one of my occasional tennis opponents enthusiastically texted me about on Wednesday). None of those titles were won using banned substances. No titles have been won with a banned substance. Whether or not you agree with the WADA's methods or existence, quite clearly their system worked. (The only other singles tournament so far in 2016 was the Qatar Total Open which ironically she skipped due to an injury).


While we all wait for Maria Sharapova to be returned to the sport let's take this opportunity to start evaluating the criteria used by WADA to make this sudden and unilateral decision and whether or not it makes any sense in this new climate of letting women with dicks onto the track to demonize Sharapova for the "crime" of taking a substance that improves her medical status.

^† Okay we know why there's a bureaucracy involved. As a quasi-NGO organization, the World Anti-Doping Agency will keep expanding in scope and power and administration without any market forces reigning it in. No "doping agency" will ever find a need for fewer things to regulate and fewer staff to administer.

^‡The Williams shaved apes sisters of course have been suspected for years of taking steroids or worse.