The architect of the exhaust ports on the Death Star speaks out.
But I have one response to all of you who blame me for the destruction of the Death Star:
Are you FUCKING serious???
I mean, do you understand the point of exhaust ports? Do you know HOW MUCH EXHAUST is created by this MOON-SIZED battle station? There were hundreds of floors on that thing. It housed a laser capable of instantly blowing up planets. It needs a LOT of ventilation - the fact that I was able to keep those exhaust ports to the size of a womp rat should earn me some credit.
Now - let's talk a little about what happened at the Battle of Yavin IV. Some farmboy nobody flies down trench, shoots some bombs out of his X-wing straight ahead, the bombs take a 90 DEGREE TURN and then they go EXACTLY down the tiny exhaust porn, go down miles and miles of insanely narrow pipe and hit the Death Star's core, blowing it up.
Notice anything weird there?
First off, 'exhaust' doesn't mean shit gets SUCKED DOWN. It means shit gets PUSHED UP. That's what it is - it's expelling gas. Outward. As in, not in a direction that would suck down a bomb. If anything, i tshould have pushed the bombs UP.
So how'd the bomb take a right angle turn down it? Hmmmm I dunno OH THAT'S RIGHT WE LIVE IN A GALAXY WITH MAGIC SPACE WIZARDS.
Of course, I can't go without earning some cred' here and noticing that they put up a picture of one of those white British baddies from A New Hope, when we learned in Attack of the Clones that the Death Star was built/designed by giant bugs mainly so George Lucas could smack down Kevin Smith.
