"All I ever wanted was a world without maps "

With the hilarious news this week that President Monkey has a "senior aide" who feels confident enough to tell the world what to do vis-à-vis the Middle East despite not knowing Syria and Saudi Arabia don't share a border, I thought I'd help the White House out and give them a primer borrowed from Canada's famous NATO quip to Russia.

So here is a handy guide for any US Government Presidential aides wandering past Third Edge of the Sword before a big press briefing and unsure what the Middle East looks like.