Why the CFL shouldn't change their schedule

In Edmonton this morning we're just recovering from a blizzard that dumped about a foot of snow on the city. The 102nd Grey Cup will be in two days from Vancouver.

I say this because outgoing CFL Commissioner Mark Cohon said a couple weeks ago that the CFL should look into starting the season earlier. Events like the Eskimos/Roughriders game (that your humble correspondent attended) and cold temperatures two years ago in Calgary for the Western Final have put a damper on attendance: the game I went to had a measely 26,000 people there. For Saskatchewan in the playoffs (though they still ran out of alcohol!).

The thing is though, the 18 game CFL schedule ending in late November isn't new: the Grey Cup actually used to be played in December. Even in the pro era, the big game has been held at the end of November. It's routinely been around the -10 mark for the Grey Cup: the last time it was in Edmonton, it was -19. This Grey Cup, one may note, sold out in less than a week. (Again, your humble correspondent -- and the Prime Minister -- were in attendance).

So why, especially if this so-called global warming ever starts coming our way, are we talking about moving the CFL schedule around now? The answer is simple.

Canada is becoming a nation of pussies.

The pussification of society doesn't just mean trannies in women's prisons and radio star Jian Ghomeshi: it means that as a people we're so weak and pampered that we can't really spend any amount of time in physical discomfort. Sure sure, HDTVs are a factor (the debate amongst my circle of friends this week is whose TV we're going to watch the game on: the 70", the 65", the 55", the 47", or the 42"). It also doesn't help that the Evil Empire Eskimos^TM have been extremely lousy this past decade or so, leaving a "good" attendance at an Esks game in the 38,000 neighbourhood when the stadium seats 66,000. Still, the ultimate answer is that we're becoming a nation of pussies. Sure sure, Alberta is working to slow this trend as much as possible with real men like myself at the forefront, but it's a relentless process.

Every time the CFL scales back the role of female cheerleaders, or has some whiny Red Indians complaining about Edmonton's team name, or has players wear pink booties during games, or fines Maurice Price for speaking to conservative Christian values, it's another little hit to the manliness of the league, the manliness of sports, the manliness of sport. The CFL is slowly succumbing to forces that will ultimately destroy it.

So no, leave the schedule alone. Don't fine the Maurice Prices of the world for chastising human weakness: work harder to chastise it yourself. Invoke a little patriotism: Canadians like to pretend they're better than Americans, start showing them the attendance differences between cold weather CFL and NFL/NCAA games. There are dark forces at work that are trying to change society in a way that will harm your league. Even if you can't stop it, you have to try. And that means holding games in weather that guarantees no pussies in the crowd.