The 100th Grey Cup: a liveblog

Live from the shittiest city on the globe, it's the 100th Grey Cup, liveblogged right here on Third Edge of the Sword!

For the next three hours and change, we'll live the excitement that is a game featuring two crappy teams that never should have gotten this far. As the festivities progress, I'll try to cover all the bases. Be aware, food and drink and the possible mid-game arrival of a pretty blonde may interfere with these plans.

4:08pm: I just watched the crappy pre-game concert. I napped rather than watch more of Milt Stegall and Matt Dunnigan talking about Grey Cup games they've lost due to their own boneheaded moves, and turned in just in time to see...some dude in ugly red pants trying to rile up the crowd. Really? They couldn't have gotten a real band? This guy kept asking the crowd to "come on!". They never did.

4:11pm: We've started hearing our first signs of frog-talk. This isn't quite as outrageous as it being spoke out west, but Montreal's not even in it this year! Can't we tell them to go take a hike? Or should I say, voyager une grande promenade sur le petite jetee?

4:23pm: Ricky Ray got a huge cheer, since he led the Argos, almost single-handedly, to the Grey Cup. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little.

4:31pm: Burton Cummings sings the national anthem. Well, half of it. The other half, he was mumbling something in French, probably surrendering to some nearby Germans or something. He is also, let's note, a better performer than the opening or halftime show.

4:32pm: "Now, let's meet our officials for tonight's game. The guys who were temporary refs during the NFL lockout this year! Have fun everybody!"

4:37pm: These images of Pierre Trudeau acting like the arrogant asshole he was are brought to you by Martha Hall Findlay.

4:42pm: Ricky Ray's first throw of the game and it's an interception (his second in Grey Cup history). This could be good news for the team from Cowtown.

4:49pm: Argos strike first. Team I Hate: 7 Team I Hate Slightly Less: 0

5:12pm: Almost time to put in the nachos

5:16pm: Kubota ads during the Grey Cup...that's almost as awesome as herbicide ads during hockey games.

5:17pm: TSN is discussing how Toronto is shutting down John Cornish. Can we learn how to do that? He killed us all year.

5:18pm: Second quarter starts off with Kevin Glenn throwing like a pillow biter.

5:19pm: Another super-weak girly throw by Glenn results in a Toronto interception and touchdown. I mean, that was one with distance at least, but was horrible. Which Stampeder was within a light-year of Horne on that play?

5:31pm: Damn you Ricky Ray. Argos are yards away from another touchdown. I thought Calgary had a stifling defense?

5:36pm: Calgary defense has held the Argos to a field goal. They pretty much need a touchdown now though, 9:04 on the clock in the second quarter. They can't sit and watch Bieber while this far down.

5:40pm: It's really hard to get into this game. Really, this is just an excuse to sit in front of my big screen, eat nachos, and drink beer.

5:44pm: Lewis breaks through two tackles and almost a third, to do a 61 yard run off a short pass to make it look like Calgary might make a game of this after all.

5:47pm: Cornish moves to the 3 yard line, and the 3 minute warning sounds. Numerology says Calgary will have to settle for 3 points.

5:50pm: Big loss of yardage for Calgary on a Glenn sack. Hey look, Calgary has to kick...one day I'll tire of being right. 17-6 for The Big Smoke.

5:58pm: Argos challenging a weird play...I don't think the ball crossed the line, but there's a good chance the refs are going to award it based on some of the screwball angles TSN is showing us. Even if not, Toronto's on the 1 and I don't think they'll have to settle for a field goal like Calgary just did.

6:01pm: Argos had to play from the 1 yard line. Ray is oddly in the game, and his handoff didn't quite do what it was supposed to.

6:02pm: Ray's in for a reason: his throw is good, Toronto scores yet another touchdown before going into the shitty shitty shitty halftime show.

6:06pm: Calgary almost throws a Hail Mary. Toronto almost gets an interception. Toronto almost suffered a pass interference call which would have led to Calgary screwing up a play from the 1 yard line.

6:09pm: Girly just showed up...this will likely be the last liveblog entry until later tonight.

Justin Trudeau is crying out for some sweet chin music

I would like to take this time to announce that I am not running for the leadership of the Liberal Party of Canada at this time.

I maintain my hard and fast rule, and will continue (despite pleas by the teeming masses) to reject membership in any political party that will not let me, upon my victory, enter the convention hall to Shawn Michaels' entrance music.

Karlie Kloss is a sexy Indian. Non-sexy Indians get their panties in a twist

From the "Things You Didn't Know Were Offensive Department"...

FLAGSTAFF, Ariz. – Victoria’s Secret has apologized for putting a Native American-style headdress on a model for its annual fashion show, after the outfit was criticized as a display of ignorance toward tribal culture and history.

The company responded to the complaints over the weekend by saying it was sorry to have upset anyone and that it wouldn’t include the outfit in the show’s television broadcast next month, or in any marketing materials.

“We sincerely apologize as we absolutely had no intention to offend anyone,” the company said.

If you think this is a ridiculous controversy, you ain't seen nuttin' yet!

Thousands of people have commented about the outfit on the company’s Facebook page. Some praised Kloss’ attire as artistic and urged those offended by it to “get over it.” Several expressed appreciation to Victoria’s Secret for halting its marketing of the clothing, and others reached back in history to explain their feelings.

“We have gone through the atrocities to survive and ensure our way of life continues,” Navajo Nation spokesman Erny Zah said in an interview Monday. “Any mockery, whether it’s Halloween, Victoria’s Secret — they are spitting on us. They are spitting on our culture, and it’s upsetting.”

The Victoria’s Secret stir follows a string of similar incidents. Paul Frank Industries Inc. and the band No Doubt ran into criticism earlier this year for their use of headdresses in clothing and parties, and in a cowboys-and-Indians-themed video, respectively. They offered apologies as well.

Last year, Urban Outfitters Inc. set off a firestorm of criticism with its line of Navajo-branded clothing and accessories — particularly underwear and a liquor flask, which the tribe said was “derogatory and scandalous.”

Jennie Luna, who is Chicana and Caxcan, said society largely is ignorant toward indigenous spirituality and doesn’t understand what should not be marketed commercially. She and others say more education about Native American cultures is needed.

“We are people; we’re not a fashion statement,” Luna said. “We are people who are facing serious issues, and for them to further perpetuate the type of stereotypes and disregard for a community’s way of life is unacceptable.”

ReGina Zuni’s advice to companies looking to market Native American culture is to hire Native Americans who have knowledge of tribal traditions, cultures and customs.

However, her reaction to hearing about the Victoria’s Secret headdress wasn’t outrage about the clothing itself, but about the lack of attention on health care, education, housing and other issues in Indian Country.

I'm frankly not sure which quotes on here are the most offensively retarded? Is it Erny Zah's blathering about 'spitting on' Indian culture here? If this is your "mockery" buddy, just wait until you become a Republican and see what happens to you on The Daily Show.

Or perhaps its Jennie Luna's concern that wearing a bunch of feathers is showing we are "largely ignorant towards indigenous spirituality" and don't "understand what should not be marketed commercially." Riight...is she going to attack the soccer logo used in Northern Ireland next? Or is it her turn to be outright ignorant here? If so, I notice she went first and nobody followed.

For my money of course, its the shocking revelation that there are "health care, education, housing and other issues in Indian Country". Geesh, maybe it turns out Attawapiskat is more representative of an inherent failure in Indians than some sort of statement about Stephen Harper? Who knew?

In the final analysis though, probably the most offensive thing to the Indians about Karlie Kloss wearing a headdress during a fashion show is almost certainly that it has never been worn on somebody while they were working...

A Tale of Two Storms

A Tale of Two Monkeys

It's really really hard to get rid of a monkey infestation.

On a completely unrelated note, hey how did the U.S. election go tonight?