2021-06-01

Canada's top ranked player eliminated doesn't even make the Top 5 anomalies from Roland Garros

Last month (see what I did there?) we covered the opening of the 2021 French Open, including some sad departures from the scene. At the end of that post I brought up the weird curfew rules, and I also discussed how horrible Naomi Osaka's media boycott was. Roland Garros was already weird far beyond the typical red clay and weird naming conventions that usually come around "this time of year" (which of course isn't usually this time of year, another weirdness).

Things have just gotten weirder since Sunday.

First off, as happened the same day as my Osaka post, she quit the tournament entirely (before being forced out, possibly, or possibly because I'm not the only person to note the issue with her playing while claiming severe mental illness).

Secondly, and as the post title implies, kinda-weirdly Canada's Bianca Andreescu (7.5/10) was eliminated from the tournament after losing to 85th ranked Tamara Zidansek (7/10) after an intense three set tiebreaker in the first round. But upsets like that aren't that weird...

Okay, how about players withdrawing from tournaments due to injury? That's not that weird, is it? Well not until this week when Petra Kvitova (6.5/10) injured her ankle while giving an interview (hmmm, maybe Osaka is onto something).

In other updates from Monday, Romanian cutie Sorana Cîrstea (8.5/10) eliminated Johanna Konta (8/10), Sofia Kenin (8/10) defeated Jelena Ostapenko (8/10), Caroline Garcia (7/10) got a hometown boost that helped her defeat Laura Siegemund (7/10), Martina Trevisan (8.5/10) thankfully sent Belgian dyke Alison Van Uytvanck (5/10) packing, and possibly the world's hottest Kazakhstani  Zarina Diyas (8/10) moves onto the Round of 64 while Heather Watson (6.5/10, also known as "homely Brenda Song") doesn't. St. Petersburg winner Daria Kasatkina (8/10) eliminated Misaki Doi (6/10), butterfaced Mihaela Buzărnescu (7/10) sadly won two 7-5 sets against Dutch hottie Arantxa Rus, and Tereza Martincová (9.5/10) similarly only needed two sets to move on against Ivana Jorović (8/10).

Shaved Ape Serena Williams (0/10) won against Irina-Camelia Begu (6/10) in what must be one of the lowest combined totals ever but was almost beaten during today's late match between "you knew she was a dyke the moment you saw her" Carla Suárez Navarro (3/10) and Sloane Stephens (4.5/10).

Okay we shouldn't end on that note: let's cleanse the palette by observing that Italian bird Camila Giorgi (9.5/10) also played Petra Martic (8.5/10) yesterday (and won).