2006-10-30

"Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls, Biggie Smalls"

Sorry to crib two recent South Park episodes in a row (particularly when Canada's Teletoon Network has yet to air the tenth season), but a few days ago I came across "unimpressive story of the month": Snoop Doggy Dogg has been arrested for possession of a firearm and marijuana.

I remembered the affair tonight because of our own black people in Canadian cities with guns incident.

At the time my first thought was how this is the sort of thing to play directly into Calvin Broadus' hands: he's a "hardcore gangsta rapper" with a gun and some pot in his car. I got to thinking that this will net him another 75,000 album sales, and cement his reputation despite his mainstream and Hollywood success. It led me to conclude that what law enforcement agencies really need to do is lie. Don't let their myth and legend grow, stymie it early with a fake story "planting" non-evidence.

BURBANK, CALIFORNIA (AP) - Airport police officials at Bob Hope Airport have officially apologized to rap artist Calvin Broadus for the "unnecessary and unproductive" search of the musician's automobile.

The 35-year old was approached at his vehicle by airport authorities due to a minor traffic violation. Upon identifying the suspect, airport police conducted a search of both Broadus and his vehicle. "An investigation found no controlled substances or illegal weaponry in the vehicle," a police statement said.

Airport officials apologized for the public manner of the search, and felt that the search was unnecessary due to Broadus' pleasant cooperation with police authorities. Officials also believed that they caused Broadus undue embarassment, as while no illegal products were found within the vehicle, three legal copies of the homosexual pornographic magazine Machismo, a jar of K-Y Jelly, and three Brooks & Dunn CDs were removed from the vehicle and placed in evidence for almost four hours.

Broadus, who has performed bit parts in several major films and sold 17 million records, has not commented on the case since politely requesting back his property.
Trust me: if you want to hurt Snoop Dogg where it hurts, don't bother charging him with possession of drugs and guns: apologize for finding all the gay porn and profusely state how pleasant he is to work with!

1 comments:

Jenn of the Jungle said...

That was friggin hilarious, and true.