Liveblog: The Big Football Game at the end of the season

Hey there sports fans and welcome to Third Edge of the Sword's live February 3rd coverage of THE BIG FOOTBALL GAME AT THE END OF THE SEASON which I understand is a popular thing to watch today.

It's a little confusing seeing how the big football game at the end of the season -- you know, the Grey Cup -- was actually held 70 days ago. I was there in the stands, actually. But since I missed watching it on TV, I did PVR it.

So this is a good time to liveblog my rewatch of the 2018 Grey Cup, since apparently everybody else is also watching it. So here, live from Third Edge of the Sword World Headquarters in Cobb County Georgia comes THE BIG FOOTBALL GAME AT THE END OF THE SEASON.

4:30pm: I understand this is the time everybody is planning to watch THE BIG FOOTBALL GAME AT THE END OF THE SEASON so I hit "play" on my PVR. It starts kind of awkwardly as two guys from Purolator's "Tackle Hunger" are being interviewed. And now, shitty pathetic women are coming out to join the CFL Commissioner for the official coin toss.

4:32pm: Fake Governor General Julie Paquette (because she's a woman and therefore not picked on merit) hears Ottawa call tails, and she throws heads so Calgary wins the toss. She's really a pathetic useless piece of shit. Trudeau nominee, what can we say?

4:33pm: Dave Dickenson looks tanned. Why does he look tanned? He makes a lame "we need to score one more point than these guys" joke. Nobody smiles.

4:35pm: I just heard a couple Black Friday Ford commercials. I thought half the fun of this event was watching the amazing commercials? Ford and Harry Rosen both put out lackluster ones.

4:37pm: Ugh, the National Anthem. You know, I would actually enjoy if they did an Alberta anthem (something by Paul Brandt) and an Ottawa anthem (something from the Dumb and Dumber soundtrack). Listening to Brent Kissel the shitty fake Trudeau anthem lyrics in English and the pathetic Frog lyrics mixed in is always infuriating. By the way, listen carefully: you can hear me loudly sing "in all thy sons command" when Kissel does it wrong.

4:39pm: William Pallister was the Safeway Score and Win candidate. Good to know it wasn't me.

4:42pm: "Super used to mean something" in the hilarious Real Canadian Superstore commercial. Meant nothing on November 25th 2018 but means a lot more today.

4:43pm: Exactly 0 Celcius at kickoff. How good would that feel right now?

4:45pm: Harris' throw was good but it meant nothing, and Ottawa punts away the fall after only three plays. Plus a 15 yard unnecessary roughness penalty.

4:47pm: Chris Matthews gets a first down. I remember groaning when I originally watched that. Also a reference to the Patriots in something called the "Super Bowl". I wonder what that's about.

4:49pm: Mitchell's throw was errant the moment I saw it, and Ottawa snags an interception in the endzone. I honestly forget what this flag did.

4:50pm: Ottawa penalty was after Rose's interception so the play stands.

4:54pm: Ottawa has to kick it away, I wonder if I can still go to BrickGreyCupParty.ca?

4:57pm: The REDBLACKS had food poisoning? I hadn't heard that.

4:59pm: BLV gets away from pressure and makes an iffy throw to Durant who...drops it. Nice try, dudes.

5:01pm: The frozen field causes players to be concerned about playing conditions and they have to wear a special shoe called the "Destroyer". Hey, wasn't this not a problem back when we had natural grass? We really need to go back to natural grass in that field. Fertilize it with Iveson's corpse.

5:03pm: Now Calgary's turn to intercept the ball.

5:05pm: Calgary gets their first touchdown of the game as BLV remembers there's this guy named "Jackson" on the team and he's allowed to throw him the ball.

5:09pm: They just showed the worldwide broadcasts including Mexico on "ESPN Tres North". Funny.

5:12pm: Alessa Cara was the halftime show. I knew it, forgot it, and I'll not remember it tomorrow either.

5:15pm: Ottawa misses the field goal attempt and Calgary gets possession. Still 7-0 Calgary.

5:16pm: First Bryan Hall namedrop.

5:18pm: Skip the Dishes and TransMountain pipeline commercials. Ironically I think the KeepCanadaWorking.ca ads are horrible. They make me want pipelines less. Next a Huawei commercial. Banned in most of the west. Here they are the prime sponsor of the government broadcaster's flagship program.

5:24pm: Powell is showing the Ottawa ground game. Not bad, not bad. Ottawa gets a field goal, it's now 7-3 Calgary in the second quarter.

5:27pm: Offside call against Ottawa. As an Eskimos fan I have to say that it feels like not a lot of penalties have been called in this game. Why does the league hate us?

5:29pm: Pizza 73 is on the way by the way, so there may be some gaps in my coverage starting around 6pm.

5:32pm: World Juniors coverage on TSN starts Boxing Day. Uh, you don't want to know how that one ends.

5:33pm: Calgary is in the middle of a strong drive here. First down on the Ottawa 17 and Mitchell throws a TD to Durant who just extends his arm to get the ball across the line.

5:34pm: Point after is good, score is now 14-3 Stampeders. I think this is when I left to hit the concession stands.

5:39pm: Every time I watch an NFL kick return I'm screaming "no yards" at the screen. I don't watch the second rate junior American league often, but that's one of my favourite calls, along with "TWO AND OUT" and "throw to the twelfth man". This is a straight up no yardage call on the Ottawa punt.

5:42pm: Grant got a first down but it was a very very rough hit. I remember Ottawa never having the ball, but here they get an interception to prove me wrong as the thought enters my brain.

5:45pm: Powell fumbles the ball and the Stampeders recover. There's a lot of cheers in the crowd, and I frankly don't remember that many Calgary fans in the stands. Maybe it was just my section but I recall a lot more Stampeder taunting than anything else.

5:50pm: What a play! Harris 's throw goes to #83 from Laval whose name I can't see or pronounce, and he fights his way into the endzone. Ottawa then gets the 2pt conversion. 14-11 Stampeders but the REDBLACKS (remember to scream when you say it!) are coming back. I half cheered but remembered I already know how this all ends up.

5:55pm: Ottawa seems to be on a roll here right now, with 1:30 left in the half they almost get an interception and are keeping Calgary from getting a first down.

6:00pm: I remember this: Calgary runs back after a punt and gets a touchdown. Hilariously the Stampeders horse wasn't warmed up at this point, so the girl and her horse have to go for a run with no warning in about -9. The horse was not happy and you could hear him huffing in pain from a dozen yards away.

6:03pm: The first half comes to a close. Pizza guy just called telling me my pickup was ready. Uh, dude, I asked for delivery. Calgary leading 21-11.

6:09pm: This footing problem is new to me...we can seriously push to get real grass at Commonwealth again. The cold isn't a problem. We can rebuild it. We have the technology.

6:13pm: Alessia Cara is up for the halftime show. I legitmately never watched this, we went to the concession pit for some whisky and Boston Pizza awesome-ness. I think the whole appeal of this chick is she's a hot 17 year old who sings with autotune. But she's in plain grey long coat with a toque and multiple layers. So who cares? It's like when Shania didn't show midriff at the Grey Cup but did at the Superbowl two years later.

6:14pm: She name dropped "Grey Cup". I still don't care about you. Here's the only reason we should care:

6:19pm: Hey I know this song! I thought it was Rhianna singing it though.

6:21pm: Here's her entire show by the way:

6:22pm: This would have been a good time to be eating pizza. Why would I want to pick it up?

6:25pm: The fireworks shot was cool. Commonwealth Stadium looks impressive from the air. At night. I kid of course: it's nothing that special for a stadium except its the biggest one in the CFL. So no biggie.

6:28pm: So I can see the actual Grey Cup? Wow! Oh..wait...

6:45pm: As you may have guessed the pizza arrived. Opening of the 3rd featured some uncharacteristic Calgary penalties and a lot of messy back and forth between the two teams. Harris to Harris and Ottawa is getting deep into their zone.

6:48pm: Ottawa settles for a field goal. 21-14 Calgary.

6:56pm: Calgary gets their own field goal and it's 24-14 Stampeders. Sorry, I was busy eating the wing meal. Why do I ever get the wing meal? I've never once had the Pizza 73 wing meal instead of my second pizza and been happy with my decision. Is this why morons keep voting NDP?

7:01pm: Why are CPAs taking credit for fake faggot marriages?

7:07pm: The third quarter was pretty dull. Speaking of dull, Martok texts to report the final game of the NFL season was boring up until this point.

7:10pm: Ottawa fumbles on what looks like an innocent play. Spencer clumsily tries to escape a tackle and he doesn't escape the tackle but does let the ball escape him. Calgary on the Ottawa 25 yard line.

7:12pm: Ottawa manages to prevent a touchdown, so Calgary opts for a field goal. The Calgary victory seems inevitable, just like drug addled losers dying from opioid overdoses. Only one horrible outcome involves ridiculous government ads though.

7:16pm: Ottawa is moving the ball pretty good, and processing well on this drive. This looks tense.

7:17pm: Another great Harris to Harris throw, but Harris the receiver is injured.

7:18pm: Ottawa scores a TD but the play is going to review and by the way it's going to be overturned.

7:20pm: Surprise surprise, it was overturned. I like these aerial shots of Commonwealth by the way.

7:21pm: Ottawa stopped at the two yard line. 3rd and 2, this is the TSN turning point.

7:22pm: Calgary successfully blocks the attempt and the REDBLACKS turn the ball over on downs. I mean, we all knew Ottawa was doomed at 4:30pm when I started this liveblog, but this is the point where live at the game we realized we were going to have to attend a Calgary victory.

7:23pm: Remember before Mortal Engines came out and we knew it was going to bomb? We were right.

7:28pm: The Grey Cup is in the building. Of course, we always knew it would be. Like, months ago.

7:29pm: Harris tries a deep throw that gets blocked. Now it's 3rd and 10 with 6:05 left in the 4th quarter. Ottawa chooses to punt. I will never understand this move. But the punt does go out into the endzone, Ottawa now has a chance as Calgary is on their 1 yard line.

7:32pm: Calgary gets the short yardage first down to keep their drive alive.

7:33pm: Ottawa takes their timeout as Calgary moves to the 25 yard line.

7:35pm: Bo Levi almost throws an interception, but instead Calgary gets to punt the ball away.

7:40pm: Ottawa delays the inevitable with a timeout. Sure the 27-14 lead in the CFL isn't insurmountable with 2:22 left on the clock...but Calgary has the ball

7:43pm: With 1:43 left Ottawa gets to the Calgary 33 yard line with a deep throw by Harris.

7:45pm: Calgary catches a Harris throw to snag an interception with 1:22 left on the clock and a 13pt lead. This is literally the point we left, Martok pushed us to walk away from the game, and therefore everything after this is all new to me.

7:46pm: Ottawa holds Calgary from getting a first down but now it's too late anyways.

7:47pm: Calgary runs backwards out of the endzone and now it's 27-16 Stampeders. At this point it's just a coronation and the TSN announcers are just talking about all the adversity and shit the Stamps have gone through. They got rid of that fag-lover Cornish, what other adversity can there be?

7:49pm: I still can't get over how much more partisan pro-Calgary the crowd is when you hear them on TV. Our "Build That Pipe!" chant, easily the loudest thing I heard from the crowd at the game, never was even heard on TV. I wonder if that was some sort of deliberate effort on the broadcast team's part.

7:51pm: Harris is sacked and that's it that's all. The Calgary Stampeders are your 2018 Grey Cup Champions. Wait, I knew this 3 hours ago. Hell, I knew this 3 weeks ago.

7:53pm: The Lone Ranger theme plays and I think at this point we were getting on the LRT.

7:54pm: Singleton tries very hard not to drop F-bombs to celebrate the win with his retarded sister.

7;57pm: Chris Matthews gives the classic negro football player interview: he doesn't speak in coherent sentences, he just screams catchphrases and hoots and hollers. Followed up with another stereotypical interview by negro Micha Johnson who talks about how "we all feel like brothers in there" and equivalently meaningless statements.

8:01pm: Rod Black is about to award the Grey Cup and other trophies. Better than that Julie Paquette bitch.

8:02pm: Bo Levi Mitchell is Grey Cup MVP. He threw slightly more passes than interceptions. For him, that's an outstanding performance!

8:03pm: BLM isn't a very good speaker compared to Reilly or Ray, but he's still the most eloquent of the interviewers so far. He's also white. Just sayin'...

8:04pm: And...uh...that's it. That's all my PVR captured. The actual Grey Cup awarding wasn't covered. I probably should have said "go for another half hour". Whoops.