Prepare for the insufferable David Ortiz farewell party

(a special guest column by Eric Wilbur)

The David Ortiz farewell party, otherwise known as the entirety of the 2016 Major League Baseball season, is going to be an insufferable display of iconery from all facets of the game. The Boston media - hell, all media - will run out of laudatory superlatives to describe the Red Sox franchise superstar by the time Memorial Day comes around. Major League Baseball will attempt to market the star's final season with the inevitable tributes, T-shirts, collectible coasters, and Fenway Park dirt upon which Ortiz once tread. Twenty-nine other MLB teams will have to come up with more original parting gifts, after exhausting the well for Derek Jeter's retirement lap through the league last season.

The All-Star Game will no doubt be Ortiz-centric. Heck, Fenway Park may even have a sellout or two over the next six months.

Look, there's no argument that Ortiz doesn't deserve the accolades. He is indeed one of the most popular Red Sox to ever play the game, a consummate winner with three rings to his name. But let's stop with the knee-jerk nonsense that has Ortiz preparing to go into the business of multiplying loaves in his post-baseball life.

But because Ortiz played for the powerhouse Red Sox, his legacy has to be so much more. Had he won three rings in Oakland, his farewell tour might amount to a couple book signings and a new Samsung commercial. In self-important Boston, Ortiz will receive enough flowery tributes to make you gag. We're in for seven more months of debating where Ortiz ranks among all-time BoSox, among all-time first basemen, among all-time just ol' regular swell fellas.