Mega-huge-giant-super-omega newspaper rundown!!!

(No, this isn't Stephen Notley's blog, why do you ask?)

A store in Newfoundland is restricting student customers due to theft, and maybe the theory that the little brats should be in school learning grammar:

"They're letting like five teenagers at a time, but they're letting like adults go in," said Jeanette Tourout.

The Nobel Prize in Physics has been awarded, for something you've actually heard of: iPod hard drives. Again, tragically, I wasn't even nominated for my work on the mathematical modelling of acquaintences on public transit.

It's the thin edge of the wedge: YouTube ads. So much for the back-compatibility dreams of the modem crowd.

It's hard to write a good newspaper op-ed. Including Teddy Ruxpin is always a start.

Earlier today Britney Spears was awarded partial visitation of her children. Meanwhile, she's in danger of losing her dog.

Low-to-middle-income file download criminal Jammie Thomas is the new face of the martyred file downloader. Too bad the martyr is so bad-for-sympathetic-TV-coverage ugly. Don't think the RIAA went after her on purpose, when some cute college girl is out there somewhere.

Sony has dropped the price of a PS3 in Japan. A bit silly, since Japan is the one place that the PS3 is doing so well. Microsoft dropped the Xbox 360's price as well.

It's time to close down all those blood banks: turns out the blood is next to useless.

Turks are jerks: that was the overriding theme in my head when I read this article.

Google has invaded campus. There may be no escape.

Hey, a brief aside here: have you ever looked at Google News's Canadian page? Now check out the French Canadian page...notice all the "Canada" stories are about events in Quebec only? (and creepily enough, you're noticing this at likely a different day and time than I am).

Hey, speaking of those Frog morons, did you hear they're building a giant mall that will dwarf West Edmonton Mall as the largest on the continent? A huge retail shopping centre in the locale with the highest sales tax in North America and the weakest economy...well how could that go wrong?

This article on Ontario traffic fatalities wouldn't catch my notice were it not for the highly literate "defense" of the victims:
U dnt know these 2 guyz. The roads were wet . . . .These are two guys cut from a good family. They woodnt do something like this. The media and ppl like u jump up and scream street race. Steve was pulling out to pass, right?

I can already hear the laughter from Calgary Flames fans...
Edmonton, with its ravines and river valley, is feminine. Calgary, with its Husky Tower, is masculine.

The poorly-named Federal Building is probably the Legislature compound's ugliest. So naturally there's a scheme to make it look even worse.

What do you do if you're a corrupt member of Edmonton Police Services, the most corrupt and criminally behaved police department this side of New Orleans? Reclassify bribes as severence and retire en masse.

Edmonton's Riverdale Community League has decided to go carbon neutral. Just for fun, roar up and down their neighbourhood in a muscle car on the coldest day of the year. I promise they'll all shut off their furnaces. I'm sure they all mean what they say...

Another energy company vows to pull out of Alberta if the royalty rate changes. Any reason the media keeps calling this a "threat"?

So does Ottawa know what it can and cannot do? Does the CBC know what Ottawa can and cannot do? Then how do you explain this story?
The groups are calling on Ottawa to lobby U.S. senators to try to stop the proposed law from passing. The federal government cannot launch an official challenge until the law goes into force.
Agriculture Canada officials were not available for comment. The government has written the U.S. government to formally oppose the plan.
How do you "formally" place an unofficial challenge?

Artists are stupid. They all deserve what they get.

I once saw this on an episode of Pointman starring Jack Scalia. It was far cooler when he did it. Dude competed with Brosnan for the ladies in Remington Steele for crying out loud!

Another site more interesting for its comments.

Free Radiohead! No, they aren't in jail or anything (Naomi Wolf must have started hyperventilating when she first read this title), they're selling their album for as much (or as little) as you want to pay. Since its not Kid A, any number you pick is too high.

Ever been given the gold medal slap on the wrist?

"Little Mosque on the Prairie," a Canadian hate crime against well meaning Saskatchewan residents who object to an evil society moving in on their doorstep, is getting the Search for Common Ground Award. My opening paragraph is so much more accurate than theirs, isn't it?

Police can't sing. At least, not when its their own catalogue.

They're going ahead with this stupid Starfleet Academy prequel Star Trek series. Don't blame me when it sucks as much as I've warned over the past decade that it would.

A major Hollywood scandal has erupted after Warner Bros. head Jeff Robinov expressed a concern over women's drawing power in movies. Sexist, chauvinist, blah blah blah. But is he wrong?

"The treaty has given the autonomous government control over use, development and sale of the lands. So far, she said, logging, mineral exploration and highway construction have taken place without consultation or compensation to the clans to whom they rightfully belong. "They have broken the sacred laws of the Nisga'a people. The law says that you cannot infringe on the lands that belong to each tribal group," she said. "You cannot take their lands away. You cannot take their songs or dances or crests away and yet that's what they did."
So she wants the treaty abolished, and real democratic reform brought in, right? Er, no, she wants to be the dictator, not live under him:
Mercy Thomas, who goes by her matriarchal name Nisibilada, said that at stake for her people are human rights and proprietorship of Nisga'a territory, which is passed down through the generations according to a matriarchal system of clans.

Houston, we have a derka derka.

No Chrysler agreement says the New York Times. Guess what happened the next day?

I did mention that EPS is 100% corrupt, right? That Edmonton City Police are either all on the take or all covering up for those on the take, and that they enjoy brutally stepping on the rights of the people they claim to be protecting? I hope you didn't think I was exaggerating.

Mike Nickel is sadly off Edmonton's City Council. And the quote halfway down the page from Nyambura Belcourt, who thankfully didn't win a seat, is frightening. If that isn't bad enough, look at this ever-chilling look into the future.

Top story in the Globe and Mail was about Toronto's municipal library policies. Any wonder I posted this comment on Colby Cosh's blog entry about regionalism in the Western Standard?

Putin lied, people died? How come acting in the Soviet's self interest is never so viciously attacked?

This headline has much different implications than a similar headline just 5 short years ago.

Fear not ye gentle socialists. The Toronto Star hasn't forgotten about its other favourite dictator!

As I mentioned on Scuffy Dan's blog, nobody with any sense cares about the Nobel Peace Prize.

Even hot New Zealand girls aren't against kicking a shark's ass. (Effeminate husbands are another story)

It's a good start.

Is Jack Layton next? Would the rabble.ca crowd even object?

Remember when Garth Turner bragged about being such a bold political maverick who marched to the beat of his own drummer, who's constituents and conscience combined to make him a man unwilling to take orders? He sure doesn't:"and the leader is listening to all voices" says Mr. Turner. Invasion of the Body Snatchers anyone? [How did political discourse function before that flick came out, anyways? -ed]

An idiot speaks about stupid awards.

The National Lacrosse League has shut down due to labour difficulties. $14,000 average annual salary and you can't operate? Quick Donair manages to survive while paying less than that!

Real deep conservative roots, eh? Is that why Nova Scotia's been on the dole since most of her residents could vote?

Anybody make any sense of this phrase in an article about Universal Music trying to promote non-iPod MP3 players? "The big question is whether the makers of music players and phones can charge enough to cover the cost of baking in the subscription."

Two very different articles about the same survey:
1) Canadian Murder Rate Plunged in 2006 on Fewer Gun Homicides
2) Homicide rate drops in 2006, but other violent crimes on the rise

A B.C. company has made unreasonable demands to its workers: Stop piloting fast ferries while high.

"Dion not an idiot". The most praise the Globe and Mail can bring itself to give Harper is that he placed Dion in a situation where he could have done a stupid thing and didn't.

It's called sucking with cancer, Maple Leaf fans!

Water on Mars? Either that or anthrax...

Neil Young sucks.

When you're a Liberal, the lies start sometimes before you even join. Look at Marc Garneau: "Only two weeks ago, Garneau had announced he was quitting politics, saying he didn't seem to be part of Dion's vision." Now, already, comes the flip-flop: I am a Liberal. I believe in the great Liberal values of this country and I am here to make sure that I will defend and bring forward all of those values so that Canadians, who I believe line up with Liberal values in this country, will stand behind us in the future.

The French President married the once French woman on the globe who doesn't obsess over being in the limelight (the universal dream).

Elliot Friedman talks tough about Buffalo. It's hard to read/watch Elliot Friedman trying to be tough on anything...

What do you do if you're the Premier of Saskatchewan? Your biggest achievement is opening a mill. Did he use a really big pair of scissors, or did Miss America not have the chance to send them over?

I call it Centre of the Universe Syndrome: Golden Triangle events catapult "local news" into the nation's eye. See the library comment from earlier in this post.

The last thing this poor universe needs is another fucking Trudeau.