Edmonton Civic Election 2007

Since so many of you have been clamouring for it, I present a rundown of the 2007 mayoral and councillor candidates.

Ward 1: A small tight race, featuring Liberal Linda Sloan, who hopefully loses her seat, and occasionally intelligent Karen Leibovici, who less hopefully loses hers. Andrew Knack supports the Canadian Taxpayer Federation, so he's obviously the choice, even though he supports the criminally corrupt Edmonton Police Service for unknown reasons. Betty Kennedy is an unknown, so I'd prefer Leibovici over her.

Ward 2: Ron Hayter has been a city councillor since about 1836, and should be re-elected just because of plank #9 on his manifesto: "I do not support city funding to replace Rexall Place and I do not support either of the proposed designs for the city’s highway entrance signs." Kim Krushell is a woman and uses flash on her website. I'm iffy on Dave Loken, and have heard nothing from Jabin Caouette or Shelley Tupper, so I guess I'll suggest Kerry Hutton, who's scary but at least is worried about roads.

Ward 3: Yay home base! This is also the wired slate, so its easy to look these people up. Kyle Balombin wants more money for the corrupt EPS, so he's a scratch. Tony Caterina likewise gets a hardon for more bribe-taking cops on Edmonton's streets. Ed Gibbons already has my vote, some business saavy in a very un-businessmenlike neighbourhood. Chris Martin is an artist who works with the CBC, so three guesses how fast his pamphlet hit the garbage (and its your WIFE dumbass, not your PARTNER). Harvey Voogd worked for Michael Phair, so that poofter-lover isn't a viable candidate. Shiu Wing Mak and Chris Rohers have had relatively quiet campaigns. Better the devil you know, so I guess vote for Thomas Tomilson.

Ward 4: I feel really sorry for the poor denizens of this sprawling ward, they have some of the worst choices for council (though none as bad as that notorious sodomist Michael Phair).
Jane Batty - Ol' Batty Jane is hoping we all remember her name and forget what she did on council. Pass.
Ben Henderson - "Who is Ben Henderson?" asks his campaign literature. He's Mrs. Laurie Blakeman. That's all you need to know.
Debbie Yeung - Well known NDPers have been campaigning for her...so she'll probably win. She shouldn't.
Well, okay, Ward 4 has tons of candidates, and I'm getting bored: don't vote for Lewis Cardinal or Brent Thompson ["Ward 4 has a huge homeless problem. THESE ARE THE PEOPLE I AM REPRESENTING!" er, no, you're representing homeowners... -ed]. Hana "fair trade" Razga is to be avoided like the plague as well. Likewise Adil Pirbhai (Ralph-hater), and Deborah Peaker (CBC gasbag). Brian Wissink and...oh, hell, why not Nyambura "I seem harmless enough" Belcourt. Dear God I'm glad this isn't my Ward.

Ward 5: Mike Nickel is running for re-election, and for heaven's sake Ward 5 please vote him back in! Brent Michalyk is pro-photo radar and anti-pesticide...definitely a man in tune with Edmonton's problems! Don Iveson worked for the UofA's Students' Union regarding the stupid transit pass, so take a "pass" on him! This leaves "Mostly Harmless" Bryan Anderson.

Ward 6: Chuck McKenna is corny, but just might work. Chinwe Okelu is a definite go-to-guy, even if his name is too much like the evil Alliance Operative in Serenity. Lori Jeffery-Heaney wouldn't even take her husband's last name, while Amarjeet Sohi seems preoccupied with rents. Dave Theile is, of course, one of council's more notorious leftwing idiots, and Tomas Dennis Vasquez looks like the name you'd make up while on the lam. McKenna and Okelu it is, I suppose.

Stephen Mandel - Okay, our incumbant idiot has already been roasted by Andy Grabia, need I do any more? The guy created a Poet Laureate for the city. He should be burned at the stake for this alone.
Dave Dowling - This guy's not bad, but any moment now you expect him to go off about the Jews.
Don Koziak - This is the Mandel-killer. He's a pretty good candidate, knows how to speak, and has no chance in hell of winning. Sorry.
George Lam - He's a Lutheran Civil Engineer. I knew a guy who programmed in Pearl and had a beard. About as scary.
Peter T. Lefaivre - A redneck running for City Council. I can respect that.
Robert Ligertwood - I hope he gets his deposit back. Maybe.
Bill Whatcott - This is my endorsement for mayor. God may not hate fags, but Whatcott does, and that's good enough. With any luck we'll get him as mayor and the two ass-piracy pride parades can move along.

Good luck everybody! Well, except for the ones I don't want to win. Screw off and die.

Update, 10:21pm: Daveberta is already reviewing Ward 2, Ward 4, Ward 3, Ward 1, and Ward 5. Of particular note, he complains about Debbie Yeung in Ward 4 despite the NDP connection, and notes that Margaret Saunter was part of the Christian Heritage Party. In Ward 5 he gives more reasons not to vote for Don Iveson. Ward 3's Tony Caterina turns out to have NDP links of his own, so my instinct not to vote for him was a strong one.



As I have said before you are an idiot. Along with being homophobic, racist and anti feminist. And your comment on Bill Whatcott proves it.

daveberta said...

Debbie Yeung's NDP connection? This is the first I've heard of it.

She was putting out joint ads with Mike Nickel two weeks ago, so that would be quite a swing...

Feynman and Coulter's Love Child said...

From what I've heard from a former NDP staffer whom I know, at least one of the door knockers on Yeung's team is a socialist. That's enough of a Kevin-Bacon chain for me to be wary.

Anonymous said...

You must be seriuosly deep in the ol' closet with so many homophobic remarks.

Feynman and Coulter's Love Child said...

Along with being homophobic, racist and anti feminist.

Whoa whoa whoa, hold the phone here!

When did I ever say I was racist?

You must be seriuosly deep in the ol' closet with so many homophobic remarks.

And you must be a closet homophobe yourself with so many anti-homophobic remarks. Ever trashed a conservative? You'd have to be a pretty closet conservative to do that now.

See, I can play this game too.

Anonymous said...

Very Funny post, liked the commentary.

It's good news about Michael Phair, too bad Mandel doesn't have any real competition, the less pooft'as the better. Finally someone who says what we are all thinking!