Oh my f***ing god, this bitch is hilarious! She's totally serious about this bull-crap!

I'm in love with blue eyes and guys who smell amazing. Combine the two and consider me head over heels. Cuz ya know, I'm easy like that. hahaha jk. Ultimately.. if i wanted a boyfriend.. he'd do those over the top.. corny romantic gestures that leaves me in tears.. and my friends jealous.. he'd know all the right things to say when i'm upset.. (though i understand that sometimes this is a learned response).. he'd tell me I was beautiful every day and make me feel desirable.. even when I was convinced I was looking my worst.. He'd make sacrifices to keep me happy.. and I would do the same for him.. we'd never go to bed angry.. we'd talk til were blue in the face... and he would always.. watch my chick flicks.. complain about them constantly.. then cry during a really sappy girly part..I need someone who is mature.. and doesn't act like a 5 year old when we're out in public.. I like having fun much as the next person.. but when it's offensive, or rude, or whatever, count me out..

(raindropkiss, you made our night!)

As my buddy says in between guffaws of drunken laughter:
I want a guy who will touch my hair, even when I'm ugly, and eat my shit, and say it smells good, and when I puke, lick it all up, and say my vagina's tight (even though its grossly loose)

Update, 4:09am: It gets even better!
Though a slight confession.. I do make a lot of em.. but here's just one.. Guys.. I don't know what you want.. I don't have the slightest clue.. but whatever you're looking for.. I refuse to mould myself into something that you want.. cuz in the end.. I'm not the one for you anyways... Don't tell me ur different.. don't tell me you could please me.. I'm at a really good point in my life.. maybe if i happen to make a really good friend.. and he turns into something so great.. i never could have even imagined.. ok sure.. otherwise.. i'm not interested.
So you have to cry during romantic comedies [I believe such requests run contrary to the Geneva Convention on the treatment of political prisoners -ed], you have to wander sandy beaches with her, and accept the fact that she thinks a University of Alberta Bachelor of Arts degree is the ticket to a successful law practise in Boston or NYC! Meanwhile, she "refuses to mould herself" into anything else for you. So you have to endure these sickening displays of vapidity on a daily basis, whilst she enjoys these sacrifices you make to keep her happy (but don't worry guys, women who say they are willing to make the same sacrifices are totally serious, and don't mean they'll watch a British romantic comedy when you get sick of their taste in the worlds worst films whilst you uproot your home your life and your career on the alter of her misguided dreams).

Oh, and of course, she writes that "Guys.. I don't want sex from you." Well, that's all fine and good. However, I have one small request... please, and I mean this from the heart, if you truely believe this...
Don't use these pictures as the first images in your profile!