2017-08-28

Beerfest

There isn't a potfest movie. There isn't going to be a potfest movie. You've been watching this movie for the first time and telling me that Potfest is coming out soon for exactly eleven years now and I would like you to please stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

2017 Edmonton International Fringe Festival: A Midsummer Night's Fringe

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It's that time of year again.



The summer wind-down continues with the Edmonton Fringe Festival. This year to celebrate Canada 150 the fringe subtitle is "A Midsummer Night's Fringe" to honour Great Britain, the amazing nation that turned a useless land being poorly used by Red Indians into something impressive. It is doubly ironic considering that this Fringe is going to literally run until August 27th which is pretty much the end of summer, especially for schoolchildren.

Anyways this will be a quiet Fringe for yours truly since I did just wind down not one but two rather expensive Eastern vacations. Still there will be a bit of Fringe coverage, I'll try to go to the grounds a couple nights at least and see what human beauty can be on display.

And as always here at Third Edge of the Sword during the Fringe, there is a steadfast rule that can never be broken:

No fags.

For previous Fringe coverage please see last year (2016), 2015, the infamous 2014, and the similarly slow 2013.

2017-08-20

2017 Edmonton Fringe Festival review: Szeretlek: A Hungarian Love Story

For all the knocks I have to give it from the get go, it's not all that bad.

It's certainly not all that great either, but when you consider it's the dreaded "my story"/"my family story" combined with physical theatre, Szeretlek: A Hungarian Love Story could have been a lot worse. And you get to learn a new dance, a new word, plus discover how to pronounce Budapesht correctly.

The premise is simple: the story about the young love between author/costar Zita Nyarady's grandmother Catalina and the man she would end up being with as long as they both shall lived. Because Catalina came of age in the shadow of the Second World War, and in a small Hungarian town, the setting becomes as important as the characters. Nyrady also brought her...husband Mike France ...along as her co-star. Together they play different characters as the story is expressed through dance and narration.
This is, for better or worse, nothing like the "Hungarian love story" that won at the Berlin Film Festival earlier this year.

I think she said husband, but then again she didn't take his last name so it's possible that isn't even true. Of course, I'm not sure the "take your husbands name" rule is that valid when he spells it Myque Franze either.


If you're cringing at the thought of "interpretive dance" as I was when I was cajoled into attending (because of my recent long and frankly expensive as all get out vacation, I was intending to not see any plays this year), relax: there isn't really any interpretive dance. There actually isn't too much dance at all actually: there's an opening number with an umbrella and a pair of masks that are supposed to reflect Catalina and her eventual husband in old age, but end up looking vaguely like a Drazi and every cartoonist's stereotype of Hungarian features. Then there's a pivotal scene which takes place at an autumn dance involving a traditional Hungarian dance so easy they even convince the audience to do it. There's a weird dream sequence (the only interpretive number) where the actors practice the airplane ride from Grosse Pointe Blank, and that's about it for the dancing portions of the show.

The rest is just an autobiographical telling of Catalina's life. Nyrady is clearly proud of her family history, so much that perhaps she noticed there really isn't that much story there. The most compelling bit was when she was forced to choose between two men vying for her hand in marriage, the "soap opera" portion as Nyrady refers to it...but that part of the story is basically just dropped. "Oh and she chose the linguist" is the punchline and indeed the end of the story. (Relax: the identity of the successful suitor is given away in the first 5 minutes of the play)

That's really the frustrating part of the play: we're left out of all the good bits of drama. Part of that is understandable: this story was formed when Nyrady interviewed her grandmother and other family members about her life. I know full well that when you try to suss out details in this fashion, you're not going to get all of the juicy or dramatic bits. There's a extended riff on the hat Catalina bought with her first paycheque, hoping to find some sort of universal statement about the human condition or lost youth or something, when instead it's probably just that with your first paycheque you like to make a fun purchase. I can't remember what I bought with my first real paycheque but it was probably at least 5.5% alcohol (and possibly the reason I cannot remember). There are a couple decent scenes about Catalina the teacher trying to deal with children barely younger than her who were scared by WWII in such a way that no discipline could likely frighten.

As mentioned, WWII is a big part of the story even though none of the characters were old enough to have been directly involved in it (Catalina's first love is killed in the war, but whether he was old enough to serve or just a civilian casualty is never addressed). Nyrady observes that her grandmother doesn't like to talk about the war much at all, and a lot of those years are black holes in the story that simply will never be filled. This really brought to life the truism I was told once by a Canadian Forces member who had served in Bosnia in the late 90s, a time when most of the serious fighting was over and a stint in that country was just a pretty shitty paid European vacation. Having left Yugoslavia without any good war stories of his own, he recalls talking with WWII and Korean War veterans at the Legion and trying to find out from them what it was like to be in a real war, an existential battle against equally/superior equipped forces in a raging battle for the future of the globe. None of them would talk about it, even to other military veterans who had come under fire. It just wasn't something that was discussed. As he put it contrasting with some of his fellow Bosnian vets:

Men who have been in a real battle never want to talk about it. Men who haven't been in a real battle will never shut up about it.
Catalina lost her first love and her mother during that War. Remember that Hungary started as fighting for the Axis powers but was later seized by Germany after her second-rate army fell apart fighting the well-equipped Soviets in a winter campaign. Six months later the Soviets invaded and despite an official armistice the tattered remains of the Royal Hungarian Army continued to fight to keep the Russians at bay. Within months, Budapest was besieged and by the war's end Hungary was under Soviet control. At the time of this story, a Soviet puppet government was in place that lasted until the 80s.

For the most part the story itself isn't all that thrilling. Catalina buys a hat. She teaches unruly boys. She gets swindled by her future mother-in-law to pay extra for shaving soap (being told it's a miracle product). That same mother-in-law tells through (music-less!) song that she wanted her studious son to become a priest but instead he wanted to become a scholar and get married. He woos Catalina at the aforementioned autumn dance and this is where the two actors really do their best physical work at expressing something that is really hard to capture with words: the joys of young love. You remember those heady days: instead of a coffee date and then endless Netflix and Chill nights and/or Skype conversations, it's just you and this young girl you've met...the charming simplicity of it all. She likes you. You like her. You lose her for a couple hours at a bush party because she got drunk and decided to sleep it off under a van and when you found her the Red Indian guys who owned the van tried to beat you up because they're savages like that, and then you and her drive away (not in the van) and make out in a pickup along a lake somewhere just outside of Bonnyville. You know, beautiful and simple young love stories like that. The way they move and their expressions really sell that, and I appreciate it. It's the best part of the play.

After that unfortunately Catalina falls ill...literally. We're never told what the problem was and it's likely nobody ever knew. She collapsed suddenly which almost sounds like a diabetic attack, though a lifelong ailment like that would have been detected before she lived into the 21st century. The other of her suitors is a handsome doctor known to participate in weird experimental treatments: in a gory-for-kids scene he uses needles to remove blood from one area of her body and re-inject it into another. This process is technically autohemotherapy by the way, and it's a quack method. Don't try this at home with a syringe and a comatose grandmother, kids! But in the end, she wakes up, chooses her man, and...well, the abrupt ending of it sort of ruins the momentum they had been building up. This show is advertised as 60 minutes, it's only a shade over 45. I normally wouldn't ask physical theatre to run longer, and there are certainly parts earlier on that could have been trimmed, but it wouldn't be too bad to see anything of their life after he slips a ring on her finger.

As love stories go it's fairy-tale like but brutal, familiar but just a little on that border of strange and alien, not as well defined as you think it should be. In other words: it's quintessentially Hungarian.

For more 2017 Edmonton Fringe Festival content, see the portal page)

2017-08-17

2017 Edmonton International Fringe Festivals: Previously Recorded

Below is a listing of the various plays being performed at this year's Edmonton Fringe festival that have already been covered on Third Edge of the Sword. In a couple cases these are the same troupes doing very similar titles.

Dirk Darrow. I reviewed Two Ruby Knockers, 1 Jaded Dick: A Dick Darrow Investigation in 2015.

One Man Star Wars. Previously I reviewed both this show and One Man Lord of the Rings.

Breakneck Julius Casear. Previously I reviewed Breakneck Hamlet with the same cast and crew.

Peter N' Chris Best Bits. I reviewed Peter n' Chris and the Mystery of the Hungry Heart Motel and Peter and Chris who do 10,000 shows that are all manically identical.

Rigby Muldoon: Paradox at Vanderkroft Manor Previously I reveiwed Rigby Muldoon: Time Traveler For Hire.

Also, of course, there's a Die-Nasty every night, but since Danielle Smith isn't the Wildrose Party leader anymore my review will be pretty much useless for you.

(For more 2017 Edmonton Fringe Festival content, see the portal page)

2017 Edmonton Fringe Festival: No-watch previews

As discussed, being a little light on the pocketbook after my summer trip to the Maritimes, I'm going to have to take it easy on the Fringing this year. However, here's are quick previews [can you call it a "pre-view" if you won't be "view"ing them? AP Style Guide doesn't cover this topic. -ed] of various shows based on what I can discern from the Fringe Program and their marketing efforts.

The Canada Show: The Complete History of Canada in One Hour!. Check to see if I did this one? If not, it's still better than the Charlottetown presentation I saw earlier this month that claimed the last half-century of Canadian history was Jack Layton and uranists.

Alex Clark. He has fewer subscribers than Rebel Media. Hey, wouldn't a live Rebel Media presentation at the Fringe be hilarious? Really put the snowflake Fringers in their place.

Animal Farm Treatment. I wrote about this when I covered "George Orwell is not my name" but the curious thing about George Orwell is that he was in fact a committed socialist who just thinks that Trotsky instead of Stalin should have taken over from Lenin. This appears to be a retelling of Animal Farm insulting free market capitalism (the "rising tide lifts all boats" and "all animals deserve to get ahead" lines strongly indicate this) which only works if Alice Nelson is herself a Randian or at least a Reagan Democrat. To give the game away, she's not, she's a far-left extremist.

The show: Animal Farm Treatment. Yup, good ol’ George Orwell’s classic animal allegory. However, I’m doing an adaptation, bringing the animal farm metaphor into our current economy of the have and have nots. About inequality, neoliberalism and globalization. The hope is to bring the show to high schools, get students inspired to vote and question authority.

Bash'd! A Gay Rap Opera. You know this pro-poofter play is going to be absolutely horrible and disgusting and pushing the sick sodomite agenda mercifulessly. However, one bit from the tagline caught my eye: Canada's equal marriage debate collides with bombastic beats in BASH'd! That's right, debate: as in there's a second side to it. Maybe for the sequel they can find somebody willing to promote it?

Blood Countess. This story, about Hungarian serial killer Elizabeth Báthory, purports to question the authenticity of her guilt (despite the fact that the opposite was true: her wealthy and influential family kept her out of prison long after the evidence became overwhelming against her). In that vein I'm debating what to call it: Feminist Holocaust Denial? Or 8/1614 Trutherism? As an aside, what's with all the Hungarians this year? Why not last year to coincide with the 60th anniversary of 1956?


C-. What are the odds this American play will tackle the nonsense that is burdening college debt? Low-to-medium, I'm afraid.

Conventional Musical. From the tagline: Three roommates must overcome the powers of capitalism and their own struggling relationships to succeed. "Overcome" the powers of requiring you to work for money? Who can or would even want to do that?

Days of the Klondike. A musical romp through the Yukon gold rush? Sounds awesome, and there are so many great songs from the era to choose from. I'm a fan of the 1897 Chilikoot March, and there was a huge variety of (mostly ragtime) music tailored for that great land at that wonderful time. When I did my road trip to the Yukon a few years ago I brought tons of it with me for the drive and for the inspiration...and oh, wait, nevermind...
With an original score of upbeat contemporary and ole-tyme honky tonk music, two very different Klondike Kates, Alexander Pantages, Robert Service, and many other men, women and children from this bygone era will once again bring history to life!
Contemporary and "old time honkey tonk". Yep, should make the late 1890s roar to life!

Evil Dead: The Musical. While this is on my list of "shows I would see if I could afford to see shows" list, I assume it's going to really be Evil Dead 2: The Musical since that's the style everybody wants. And I suppose next year we can look forward to Army of Darkness: The Musical which couldn't possibly be more pretentous than Spamalot.

Executing Justice. *yawn*. Extreme leftists think the death penalty is bad because once every 10,000 cases the wrong person gets executed. Meanwhile SJWs execute the wrong person on a near-monthly basis these days.

Get me the Fuck Out of Edmonton! Wes Borg does an on-stage duet with the ghost of Joe Bird. Sorry, I assumed Wes Borg was dead by now too.

Give It Up. From the promoters of Jake's Gift, One Man Star Wars and This is CANCER say the tagline. "From the promoters of"? That's like saying people should watch your movie because you had the same hairstylist as Birdman. Meanwhile the show is a woman who wants to be married to Scott Baio and perform on SNL. One of the testimonials comes from extremist far-left BC union activist Anita Zaenker by the way, for an indication why you should stay away.

Hanging Out. Because "An Occurrence at Owl Creek Bridge" was taken.

Hockey Night at the Puck and Pickle Club
. From the tagline: Watch Canada vs USA play the 2018 Olympic Gold Medal Hockey game at the fictional Puck & Pickle Pub! One wonders how different this would have been had it been written after the NHL announced it would not be attending the Olympics or even allowing players on two-way contracts to participate.

Naked Girls Reading Presents... As they say in the tagline, you can't spell literature without T & A. On the other hand, NSFW] I just saved you $16

Oleanna. Either she's lying or this work is purely fictional. The girl is almost always a liar.

So I was in a Threesome Last Week. This gives off a really really faggy vibe: from starring apparently two men and no women (there are two men in the picture, one looking awfully ass-piratey) to the troupe being is called "Sons of Tremendous" (probably isn't related to the Proud Boys), this one looks to be in the avoidance category. Also, for the rest of Fringe I suppose El Cortez is out as a food venue. Who knows how much fecal matter has gotten into the food?

Souls. Anti-Israel play that buys into the lie that "Palestinians" are a people and not a bunch of displaced Jordanians.

Swordplay: A Play of Swords. Caution: fags.
The Best of Bombs: An Exploration of Broadways' Biggest Flops. This is a neat idea. You can eat at the Sawmill (always fun, especially when their Prime Rib is on point) and listen to songs from...Broadway...flops
. Okay, neat in concept more than execution. I wonder how many songs from "My Lady Friends" will be featured...

The Great American Songbook Cabaret. If Mark Steyn ever attended the Edmonton Fringe, you'd probably see him here at least once.

The Immaculate Big Bang. You just know that he's going to have to dance around the actual "big bang" of birth that so upsets the abortion lobby.


The Milkyway Express. From the tagline: in a post-gender future. Ugh, I hate these dystopian sci-fi gimmicks.


Wooster Sauce. This play co-stars John D. Huston, who I previously saw in Shylock.

(For more 2017 Edmonton Fringe Festival content, see the portal page)

2017-07-23

Eskimos versus Tiger Cats rewatch - 2017-07-20

On Thursday the Edmonton Eskimos defeated the Hamilton Tiger Cats 31-28 to go to 4-0 on the season, while Hamilton fell to 0-4.

But there's more to it than that. The Esks fell behind early and had trouble putting offense together for the first three quarters. At the start of the fourth quarter the Esks were down 25-13 and in danger of losing to the worst team in the CFL. A conversion kick fell short and a punt was blocked and scooped up for a Hamilton touchdown.

With 1:17 left in the game the Esks were just gaining possession on their own 30 and were down by 5 points. They proceeded to score a TD to take their first lead of the game, and then an interception on the final Hamilton drive sealed the deal.

It was a painful nailbiter to watch on Thursday: I don't think I touched my beer for much of the second half. On the other hand, now that the result is known it's very enjoyable to watch. So here it is.

2017-07-14

Abort everybody @LarryManch cares about

Every word of this is true and I stand fully by it. Larry Manch is a retarded leftist who has no problem killing innocent babies but reacts in horror about clinically aborting anybody else.



(Spoiler alert: that woman is probably named Tiffany)

2017-07-13

Fun with YouTube

.

2017-07-11

Wimbledon Quarter Finals

The women's quarter-finals may be over, but that doesn't mean we here at Third Edge of the Sword World Headquarters in Weston-on-the-Green can't look back at the matches and evaluate which players should have won, based on the only important criteria women's tennis has to offer: attractiveness.

Let's get the easy match out of the way:
Venus Williams (0/10) vs. Jelena Ostapenko (8/10):
As has been mentioned numerous times before, the William Sisters are the ugliest women in pro-tennis history. Looking every bit like the evolutionary holdovers they are, these shaved apes are the bane of any woman's tennis match. Ostapenko was having a great tournament until Tuesday's action, where unfortunately Venus won 6-3,7-5 in straight sets. Ostapenko herself is much better to look at (obviously a vast improvement) despite a baby face that makes it look like you're watching a little kid play dressup. Watching her impressive chest bursting out of her clothing certainly makes up for it though.

Magdaléna Rybáriková (7.5/10) vs. Coco Vandeweghe (8.5/10):
In this battle for the impossible to pronounce so I don't even try last names, the gorgeous blonde with the flat chest and very firm nipples goes up against the decent blonde with the nice legs (and a sort of flat chest). Vandeweghe takes the win here of course, though Rybáriková has sported a camel toe in almost every match I've ever watched her in, so I have a bit of a soft spot here for the Slovakian.

Svetlana Kuznetsova (6.5/10) vs. Garbiñe Muguruza (7/10):
Kuznetsova, the burly Russian who you're never 100% positive isn't going to turn out to be a Bruce Jenner, lost to Muguruza in straight sets (6-3,6-4) so we don't have to worry about admiring her legs but instinctively looking for an Adam's Apple for the rest of Wimbledon. Were it not for the Venus William handicapping, this match would have featured the lowest overall score. As it is, the Spaniard who sometimes can make you drool but more often looks very very attainable gets the nod. Seriously though, I've dated girls who looked roughly this good after an afternoon at the gym.

Simona Halep (8.5/10) vs. Johanna Konta (8.5/10):
Our highest overall score in this year's quarter-finals is also our tie: everybody's favourite big-chested Romanian goes up against the tall and lanky British player who dresses up like a 10 and hits the court like an 8 and occasionally gets angry and turns into a 4

Omar Khadr should be paid through the Phoenix Payroll System

The fallout from terrorist scumbag Omar Khadr's recent big cash payout continues.Far-left coward Ralph Gooddale actually apologized to the murdering terrorist who deserves to rot in a shallow grave, and the Liberal cabinet secretly colluded to rapidly pay-out Khadr despite the $100M+ settlement already against him in the United States, where the widow of the medic Omar Khadr the terrorist brutally murdered was hoping for financial compensation. The Evil Trudeau Liberal Government™, who can't figure out how to pay their useless government employees properly, managed to fast-track the big cash settlement to Omar Khadr, terrorist.

The public opposition to the deal is significant. Here in Alberta, where the murdering terrorist Omar Khadr is living on the taxpayer dime, 85% of those polled say it was a mistake giving the terrorist who needs to be shot in the face $10.5M. That's worth noting: those most at risk of being the next victims of Omar Khadr, murdering terrorist and adherent of a child-raping Satanic death cult are also the those most averse to paying the murdering terrorist money for "treatment" at Guantanamo Bay that was far better than the piece of shit deserves.

The push-back continues. Notwithstanding retarded leftists like Peter Smith of Bright's Grove, Ontario the population is doing their part, from filing court documents demanding the Trudeau Government come clean about why they deliberately took action to prevent Tabitha Speer and Layne Morris from getting money the murdering terrorist owes them, to starting a crowdfunded campaign to give the Speer Family some of the money that they should be extracting from the mouldy carcass of Omar Khadr, terrorist.

Beyond that, there's nothing more you can do to deal with the payout. But it is vitally important for your own safety that you protect yourself from Omar Khadr, murderer and terrorist:

BE READY TO SHOOT OMAR KHADR IF HE GETS TOO CLOSE TO YOU. HE IS A TERRORIST AND A MURDERER. DO NOT ALLOW YOUR FAMILY TO SUFFER THE FATE OF TABITHA SPEER. PUT FIVE BULLETS IN HIS CHEST AND THEN CARVE CHRIST'S CROSS ON HIS FOREHEAD.

2017-07-09

Loser faggots like @TheJasonPugh will never win

Every word of this is the truth. Your lifestyle is illegitimate, your fake sodomite marriage will never be recognized by those of us who understand that it's all a lie, and I'm not afraid to snap you like a twig if you or any poofter lays a sodomitic finger on me. 24-0 record, pillow biter.

I'm 100% man. You: not so much.

2017-07-07

It's a dry heat. Also: not really hot

Yes that's right, Edmonton is presently experiencing a "heat wave".

Not meaning to diminish that it is supposed to be nice for the weekend, but things are bad when two days around 30°C is worthy of a "warning".

People in Arizona or Florida or Spain or even China are laughing at us right now. I hope we realize this.

2017-07-01

Free Agent Day. Snipe!!

Today is, along with Dominion Day, the first day of NHL free agency.

Along with so many other events, this used to be a big thing, until the new salary cappped CBA started to kill it.

With so many summer things going on and an NHL event that isn't as exciting as it used to be, there are probably going to be more people broadcasting than viewing.

It's going to be the trade deadline day all over again, which was also a massive boring disappointment. Remember, this actually happened..

Happy Dominion Day 2017


Today is Canada's 150 birthday.

Sorry, July 1 2017 is the 150th anniversary of signing the Constitution Act, 1867.

Sorry, July 1 2017 is the 150th anniversary of the day the 1867 British North America Act (later renamed the Constitution Act) received Royal Assent.

Okay, one last time.

July 1 2017 is the 150th anniversary of the date in which the British North America Act, 1867 came into force.

Okay, there, we have the technicalities right. Yes that's right, today is the day we celebrate that the British Dominion of Canada was founded. As a result, a half million of us or so are going to Parliament Hill itself to celebrate the day.

Hey, if I'm having to pay for it I might as well go!

So wherever you are in the world, be sure to celebrate Dominion Day and not 'Canada Day', a nonsense holiday created by the evil Pierre Rat Bastard Trudeau.

[don't worry, I've already given him hell for the picture up top not featuring a Red Ensign... -ed]

(Of course keep an eye on my Twitter feed as I will undoubtedly post a few pictures of the event. (Don't expect many pictures of hot girls in tight outfits, sadly, the weather looks more than a little unfriendly).