2018-08-08

Let the Eastern Bastards Freeze Drown in the Dark

Soaking rain and strong winds in southern Ontario Thursday caused power outages in the Greater Toronto Area and forced officials to close roads due to flooding.

2018-08-03

CBC #FakeNews lies about Trump travel boycott

Maybe I missed it, but where are the CBC archived articles about conservative Canadians boycotting the United States during eight years of President Monkey?

2018-08-02

Fake Syrian Refugees (slowly) setting themselves on fire

Sheila Gunn Reid at Rebel Media has uncovered the damages that has been caused by fake "Syrian" "refugees" at the hotels that the CBC was concerned was too hard on the little terrorists.



One thing keeps leaping out at me from the maddening coverage of how these uncivilized pond scum treat the quality establishments they have been permitted to live in (for free): how they are always smoking.

They smoke in big groups outside and disrupt other guests. They smoke in the rooms and common areas inside the hotel. They aggressively blow smoke in the (often female) hotel employees who ask them to stop. They smoke, they smoke, they smoke.

Where. The. Sam Fuck. Are. They. Getting. Cigarettes. From?

For one thing, they are all living off the avails of prostitutes Virginia Johnson and Kate Bate the generous Canadian taxpayer. Why are we paying for them to smoke? Besides the fact that the Canadian government is currently spending small fortunes to try and discourage people from smoking and here we are importing mass quantities of useless human garbage who also are smokers, clearly these people are not playing nice with their cigarettes or following numerous laws regarding their use.

If we can't send them across the Atlantic on a leaky boat, can't we at least stop paying for their cigs? At the very least, it will save us twice: both the darts we're feeding them and an element of the hotel destruction we're on the hook for.

2018-07-01

Dominion Day on the Far Right Coast

Hi July Talk!

I'm from Alberta. I came here legally and anybody who didn't deserves a bullet to the head.

I believe in convicting people for the sin of sodomy and that the punishment should be a public hanging in the town square.

Thanks for welcoming me to your show!

2018-06-25

Liberal Staffers are considering suicide. We should help them. With razorblade donations.

By now you've heard the story about the pathetic assistant to a Liberal MP who is so incompetent and incapable of being a man that he has twice tried to commit suicide but can't even succeed at that. And now this pathetic little faggot is daring to lecture Canadians on "not doing enough".

Let's be clear:  Paul Wernick is a sad pathetic excuse for a man. He always has been. Without somebody willing to tell him to stop whining and abandon his illegitimate sexual perversions he never will be. Like all homos (and many Liberal staffers) he has severe mental retardation. His brain is broken. And only he can fix it.

Don't believe me? Take a look at this pillow-biters hilariously obtuse 2014 article about fraternity life.
My childhood dog and playmate passed away. I decided to go to a Greek Hockey League game and as I saw one brother approach me, I was expecting to receive a firm handshake and a quick conversation to forget my troubles.

Instead I was called a homophobic slur for the hat I was wearing. I tried to laugh and pretend it was a joke but as I tried to create a conversation, the brother walked off.

I have always been one to accept challenges but I was not ready to meekly accept insults somehow deemed to test pledges. I brought the story to higher leadership within the chapter.  I was told that this particular brother once had effeminate qualities with the implication that he had now grown out of it. Somehow this was supposed to help me understand what had happened to me.

What happened, Paul you pathetic uranist, was that you lost your dog. Yeah it happens. Being a dog owner is going to inevitably come with dog loss (unless, say, you jump off a bridge before that happens hint hint). You deal with this loss by DEALING WITH THE LOSS. Begging somebody else, who doesn't really actually know you mind you, to amortize your loss so that your monthly payments are smaller is a coping mechanism and not a particularly good one.

Good on your fraternity's "higher leadership" to call you out on this. You're being a pathetic sodomite. Expecting another guy who has wisely rejected this sick and evil lifestyle to feed into your toxic downward spiral (and eventually shove a dog bone up your ass) is foolhardy. Had you learned this lesson rather than wrote a butthurt article about it, maybe today we would be free of drivel from you about how "working 60 hour weeks" for a political power that you want to implement your evil sodomite policies needs to change just because you can't cope with issues without trying to swallow rat poison.

(As an aside Paul, you can't get good rat poison in Canada anymore. You will just have to guzzle bleach. Lots of it. It's at Walmart)

Wernick said he didn't know about the EFAP option until after his first suicide attempt, when a longtime staffer told him about it, and that he'd like to see people from the Prime Minister's Office and minister's offices talk to new staff about the importance of taking care of themselves.

No. Absolutely no. I'm 100% against this.

IF YOU ARE A LIBERAL STAFFER YOU ALREADY KNOW EXACTLY HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. YOU NEED NO HELP.

After all, I've seen your people's ideas on how to take care of the country and how you plan on taking care of citizens under your evil PM's yoke. They are horrible and destructive. So if that's your level of thinking, I want you to apply to to yourself.

Continue until you're as dead as Paul Wernick keeps trying to be but can't because he's a pathetic piece of trash.

2018-06-15

God-Emperor Trump stares down nuclear missiles, a groping feminist won't pose him any problems

August 8, 2017: The Leader of North Korea threatens to attack the United States using nuclear weapons. President God-Emperor Donald Trump angrily threatens that he is willing to destroy them in response.

June 12, 2018 (308 days later): North Korea backs down and agrees to de-nuclearize.

May 31, 2018: The Prime Minister of Canada threatens to attack the United States using his arsenal of fake eyebrowns.

June 11, 2018: President God-Emperor Donald Trump threatens that he is willing to (economically) destroy Canada in response.

Do you have any illusion that Rat Bastard 2.0 is more intimidating than Kim Jong Un?



As an aside, I think there's something to Small Dead Animals commenter A Canadian's post:

The difference is that Donald Trump has made clear he’s not interested in peace at any price. Kim Jong-Un can either get rid of his nukes or be defeated in battle and killed. Simple as that.

No, Trump doesn’t care about South Korea. If nothing else but turning the Korean peninsula into a smoking ruin and leaving China and Japan to clean up the mess will stop Kim Jong-Un from nuking the United States, that’s fine by Trump. Fewer factories in Korea means more jobs for Americans.

Turns out that’s all it took.
You might find it quite the cynical bit of realpolitik but I think the point stands. It comes to mind Quark in the Star Trek: Deep Space Nine episode "The Maquis", who tried advocating for peace using an economic argument. Much of what Quark said in that scene doesn't hold water particularly in the context of the episode, but there was this little exchange which is similar to the Trump-NOKO summit:
Quark: You want to acquire peace. Fine, peace is good. But how much are you willing to pay for it?

Sakonna: Whatever it costs.

Quark: That's the kind of irresponsible spending that causes so many business ventures to fail. You're forgetting the Third Rule! Right now, peace could be bought at a bargain price, and you don't even realize it.
History is full of men who wanted peace and didn't get it (Chamberlain, Carter), and men who weren't particularly invested in peace but aw shucks if it's available why not pick it up, I'm already flying to foreign countries and negotiating with people anyways (Nixon, Trump).

Only Nixon could go to China, speaking of Vulcans discussing economics, so maybe only Trump could go to North Korea?

2018-06-14

World Cup 2018

If you remember a decade and change ago I came up with a mid-tournament way of predicting World Cup winners based on the Second World War.

It's too early to come up with predictions after-the-fact-pattern-recognition for the 2018 World Cup so far, but with Russia destroying Saudi Arabia 5-0 today I'm going to have to start the preliminary thoughts about something...

So far the options are:

- Size of armoured vehicle fleets

- Better treatment of evil faggots

- More athletic national leader

The most exciting and important sporting tournament on the planet begins today

And Winnipeg is going down....

You didn't think I was talking about something else, did you?

2018-06-09

"But all the other frenzies of passions–impious both toward the bodies and toward the sexes–beyond the laws of nature, we banish not only from the threshold, but from all shelter of the Church, because they are not sins, but monstrosities."


(The joke so good it's a shame I only get to use it twice a year)

Look faggots.

You know you're evil. I know you're evil. You know your sexual proclivities are such a crime against God and Nature that you off yourself more often than celebrity purse designers.

You can revel in it as much as you want. But understand that I'm better than you: I'm stronger than you, I'm smarter than you, and I'm more moral than you. But some of you evil poofters are so retarded that you still can't grasp this. I don't want to have to make another example of one of your sick kind like I did last month.

But I probably will. Stop parading and become a better person. My arms are getting tired.

2018-06-02

McDonalds $1 Drink Days (offer not available when your Premier has an illegitimate sexual orientation)

It's back! Even though summer doesn't technically come until June 21st, May-long weekend marks the return of McDonald's $1 Summer Drink Days! It's always a fun time, and marks the end of my consumption of fries since the burger and the $1 large is always the best bargain. It's also a constant reminder that McDonald's (and all fast-food companies) Jew you on the drinks the other 8½ months of the year...it's not like Micky D's is taking a loss even selling you a large Sprite for $1. It was like when McDonald's dropped the price of the Big Xtra in the early 2000s to $1.50 to compete with Burger King: it turned out the years they spend charging you $3.45 for the exact same burger was all just because that's the price you dumbly paid.

Even though it feels great now, it always burns me that the promotion ends after the September long weeekend: on September 4th McDonald's drinks go back to their (even more) overpriced regular price.

However my keen eye noticed something that made my heart skip when I looked at the McDonald's website today...the dreaded legal asterisk next to the "$1".



Wait, are they making it $1 pre-tax? I briefly thought, until I remembered that this has been the norm for years: show up at McDonalds with a loonie and ask for a drink, they'll ask you where your nickel is. So what could this be? Well it turns out that not everybody in the country gets $1 drink days...a certain bumfuck province being run by an evil dyke is exempted...


That's right, "offer may vary in Southwestern Ontario". The land of the 13% PST and the carbon tax even worse than Alberta's has apparently raised the cost of living so much that McDonald's can't make money on a 3.57x profit margin. Indeed, a little searching reveals that a large Coke in SW Ontario is going to cost you a whopping $1.50 (plus 13% PST)..

Why is McDonald's charging $1.50 for a large soda/pop/ fountain drink in southwestern Ontario???
I was in London today and they charged $1.50.
Yesterday I was in Mississauga and they charged $1 for a large.
I went on the mobile app and entered different McDonald's locations and they were almost all $1 for a large pop in most of Southern Ontario. When I checked Chatham, it was $1.50.

What makes pop more expensive in Southwestern Ontario? I'd like to know
I know why, kiss0136. I know exactly why...

2018-05-05

144th Running of the Kentucky Derby

At about 4:46pm this afternoon Edmonton time, the 2018 Kentucky Derby will be run. As always, Third Edge of the Sword is happy to participate with mint juleps, funky hats, and making fun of that faggot NBC Sports puts on their Derby pre-show.

This year will feature a couple minor differences from previous years, a couple surprises including actual betting on the event. Can the current favourite Justify be the first horse since the Chester Arthur administration to win the Derby after skipping out on racing last year? Will a Middle Eastern horse finally win it all this year? Can an Albertan die from over-consumption of mint juleps?

With race time looming, here's my unofficial picks for the fastest two minutes in sports other than that time an NFL negro was caught stealing phone chargers from hotel lobbies:

Win: Magnum Moon
Place: Justify
Show: Bolt d'Oro
4-3-2-1: Audible