Grey Cup 2019

In just under an hour the 107th Grey Cup begins live from Calgary.

Last year, I attended the Grey Cup here in Edmonton, and while my cousin is at the game and suggested I come along, I decided to continue my streak of never attending a game at McMahon Stadium and give the hated Stampeders organization hard currency (it's the same reason I don't go to Cuba or Montreal).

It goes without saying that this year's edition is much less rage-inducing than last year's edition: I don't hate either of these teams though I'm still mad at Hamilton over last week's debacle. And it goes without saying that after the events of earlier this year there's no reason to cheer for Hamilton about anything.

So...uh, let's go Blue Bombers.


The Wrath of Abrams

Ranker.com has a list of the greatest film scores of all time.

The highest Star Trek score is, probably unsurprisingly, Star Trek: The Motion Picture. What is surprising is that it's at a criminal #47 overall [please, no "47s" lame quips.. -ed], below Dances With Wolves and Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. Surely Jerry Goldsmith's sublime and powerful album deserves a Top 25 spot along with other 40something scores like Goldfinger and The Wizard of Oz.

But then things get sad, and they get sad fast. What's the second ranked Trek score? My money of course is on Star Trek II: The Wrath of Khan, the wonderful before-he-was-famous James Horner score. Dark horse candidates would include The Search for Spock, First Contact, The Undiscovered Country, even The Final Frontier (no, really, the movie is horrendous but the score is lousy).

So, second place Star Trek score, ranked at #111 is... Star Trek (2009). Wait, what? No, seriously: are you kidding me?

Movie scores have been on steady decline since Howard Shore and John Williams did such great work on the Star Wars prequel and Lord of the Rings trilogies. By 2009 they were essentially Rick Berman's famous "window dressing". There's nothing remotely memorable about the score. For that matter, no movies made after 2009 should even be on the list. But there's the 2009 waste of space Abrams-verse film polluting spaces that better scores could take up.

The next Star Trek film is First Contact at #177, Wrath of Khan at #188, Final Frontier (see?) at #343, The Undiscovered Country at #346, The Search For Spock at #374, The Voyage Home (the worst of the original 6 Trek scores) at #375, Star Trek: Nemesis at #397, Star Trek: Into Darkness (the one that opens with Faggot Spock flaming) at #425, and finally the IV-level forgettable Star Trek: Insurrection at #459. Almost every entry is ridiculous.

Other surprising omissions on the list are The Hunt for Red October (surely a top 50, Crimson Tide sits at #253), Who Framed Roger Rabbit, Event Horizon, and National Treasure (both surely in the top 588!).


Physics must be racist now

Bianca Andreescu has defeated Serena Williams and won the US Open. If the Serena-loving leftwing media went ape over racism when she was rightly defeated by a half-Jap half-negress last year, just wait for what the excuses are this year.

Note Serena's closest chance to win was only taken away when she double-faulted. I assume the only thing that can come next is the Lucy van Pelt defense...


2019 Edmonton Fringe Review: Game of Chrohn's

"I was failing biology and biology failed me."

One of the downsides of fringing...
a) at the very end
b) with other people
...is that you're at the mercy of what the group wants to go see. While nobody in my circle has Chrohn's Disease, one of the girl's brother did and therefore we ended up spending Friday night watching Game of Chrones and trying to laugh at disease.

Play play features one of my least favourite tropes: "the story of my life". "Write what you know" is good advice and all that, but it also comes across as horribly narcissistic, which we all know arts majors are notoriously guilty of, but they don't have to remind us so effectively. Dan Rosen, helpfully styled as "Dan B. Rosen" fortunately gets that fact about him out of the way relatively early.

Growing up in Halifax, both of Dan's parents were doctors. He was the always seeking attention class clown, when suddenly he got hit by a debilitating illness that neither of them could work out. I'll take a brief aside here to note I know a girl (not one who attended the show) with two doctor parents and she's also diseased. Read into that as you will. Anyways, Dan (a balding guy who vaguely resembles Enrico Colantoni from "Just Shoot Me!") is constantly in hospital before discovering that what he has is Crohn's disease.

He goes into the dietary restrictions quite a bit which resonated well with those of us (most of us) who have diabetic family members who also suddenly can't eat the foods they like to eat. I counted five Game of Thrones references. I'm not a fan of the show, so there may have been more. Martok seemed to think there were a dozen, but I consider his input unreliable. The crowd generally ate it up (Dan had to smack down a brief heckling comment), as the fru-fru fringe crowd (especially on Friday night) really likes their poop jokes. Is it because of all the homos, they have shit on the brain so to speak? Who knows.

There were a few legitimate laughs, a lot of uncomfortable moments when he went into detail about medical stuff I don't like hearing about, He also yammered about "white privilege" because of course he does. For a guy who's been stuck in the hell of the Canadian healthcare system he didn't have much material about its failings: whether that's because he's as delusional about socialized medicne as all "white privilege" talkers are or because he never thought anything abnormal about his experiences, who can say.

For those interested in hearing a sympathetic tale of a teenager whose romantic and professional future was sabotaged by his own bowels, it's engaging enough. I didn't feel it though. Rosen's energy is just enough to keep you interested without being manic however, and except for the third quarter of the play really dragging and getting repetitive, it flowed well enough.

Flowed well. That insane far-leftist Fish Griwkowsky made a half dozen poop jokes in his review. I only made the one, and it wasn't even intentional.

Dan Rosen may become the public face of Crohn's disease, but I'll still keep typing "Chr" and having to correct myself until the day I become worm food.

Where the Wild Thi...wait is that really the theme this year? Ugh. 2019 Edmonton Fringe

It's that time of year again, and after missing the first half by being on vacation I've been able to fit in the final weekend of the Edmonton Fringe Festival. Just like 2017, 2016, 2015, 2014, 2013, and most years going back to 2007 and 2006.

And as always for my fringe reviews, I have the standard rule:


Read the Game of Crohn's review here.


Day 1 of the Hipster Millenial Holocaust

YouTuber Emily Hartridge killed in UK's first fatal electric scooter crash


A Third Edge of the Sword Success Story

A special thank-you to everybody on team Third Edge of the Sword.

I honestly didn't think Operation Destroy FagWalk From Within would work, but you guys who pretended to be women and got outraged that dykes are allowed to exist.

Excellent work!!


145th running of the Kentucky Derby

Break out the mint juleps, tell your woman to put on a silly hat, and get ready for the 145th running of the Kentucky Derby from beautiful soaking wet Churchill Downs in Louisville Kentucky.

Currently Tacitus and Improbable have met up at 5-1 to be tied for the favourite this year, with strong contender Omaha Beach already being scratched. And since I'm sitting at home with mint juleps in a proper silver cup instead of somewhere I can gamble, I provide my (mostly) seat of the pants predictions for the main event.

Win: War of Will (17-1)
Place: Vekoma (21-1)
Show: Tacitus (5-1)


ALBERTA ELECTION: Global Edmonton tells lies about conservatives

As you may have heard this week, Far Left Big Tech further banned Faith Goldy from social media because of her political beliefs.

As you may have also heard, Faggot-Familiar Alliances are still big news because Jason Kenney dares to think maybe parents should know when child molesters like Kristopher Wells or Mike Morrison are being invited to secret meetings with young children who have shown an interest in an evil and unacceptable lifestyle choice.

And if you watch Global TV Edmonton, you'll hear all about the "online reaction":

What you definitely won't hear in the extremely biased and one-sided reporting of fake news peddler Sarah Kraus is anybody opposed to Faggot-Familiar Alliances in school, or even opposed to keeping parents in the dark. Why is that? Because Global News is only looking on platforms that are already setup to exclude those voices. Kraus and her bosses know this, but they'll push the sodomite agenda endlessly and claim ignorance to anybody who pushes back.

So I'm calling out Kraus, her bosses (Jim Haskins and Kerry Powell), and any other media member pushing this false narrative. They know, surely, that Twitter won't even let you call a man by his name to satisfy the insane tranny activists. As a result, the people likely to support Kenney are either removed from the platform (as what happened with Faith Goldy this very week) or forced to self-censor in order to avoid the axe falling on them as well. As a result is it any wonder that pillow biting teachers extolling the benefits of exposing the children they are supposed to protect to sexual deviants are the only tweets Kraus can find (or pretends to find) in her disgusting story?

I call on Global News Edmonton to apologize to Jason Kenney for their story that makes it sound like he's a crazed maverick standing against universal opposition. I demand that they permit those of us who oppose these sick schools airtime in accordance with the popularity of our views in accordance with Global's own news policies which Kraus and Haskins violated:

Integrity, fairness and transparency are at the foundation of our newsgathering process. We are committed to reporting news without distortion or misrepresentation.
How is it not distorting and misrepresentation to talk about "online reaction" and not admit that these social media platforms are biased against conservative expression, especially social conservative expression?
We will not formulate news content based on our own personal cultural beliefs, opinions, corporate influences or those of anyone else engaged in its preparation or delivery.

News events and public issues may be analyzed and put into context, as long as comment or opinion is clearly identified and kept distinct from regular news coverage.
Based on the fact that child raping sodomite Kristopher Wells is a routine guest on Global Edmonton's morning show, it's clear that this story is part of a longstanding trend of Global TV stories about the Edmonton uranist community formulated on the personal beliefs and opinions of Global TV News department.

Kerry Powell, will you promise going forward that Global News will cease publishing anti-conservative opinion under the fake guise of "reporting on online reaction"? If not, will these stories feature a disclaimer in the future that the social media platforms these reactions are posted on have a long history of banning, shadow-banning, and suppressing viewpoints that would provide a more balanced (and accurate) set of views?

We all know this story was written, coordinated, and aired in order to attack Jason Kenney. No "online reaction" news stories have ever been posted when conservatives not yet banned on social media have used their accounts to blast Trudeau or Notley. Global News owes an apology to us all, and a promise that in accordance with their own journalistic principles they will not push false narratives in the future.

The chance to set the record straight on the eve of polls closing is fading fast, Global. Your move.


Eugenie Who?

As I type this, Angelique Kerber is defeating a shaved ape in straight sets (after winning the first 7-6) at the Indian Wells quarter-finals.

But the story of the tournament isn't either of the ugly monkeys who keep U.S. sportswriters employed. It's probably 7/10 Belinda Bencic who topped 7/10 Naomi Osaka to get to the quarter-finals on the weekend, and then Karolina Pliskova to move onto the semis.

The second biggest story though has to be Bianca Andreescu (7.5/10), who last month surpassed the 10/10 Eugenie Bouchard as Canada's best female tennis player. This week she herself moved into the semifinals herself by defeating 7.5/10 Gabriñe Muguruza. Canadian tennis is now in an Anna Kournikova/Maria Sharapova scenario, where the hotter and famous player has to give way to a younger less attractive girl in the cold hearted reality known as "you may actually need to be good at tennis now and again". Bianca Andreescu is certainly no Maria Sharapova, but she's decent looking enough and can actually win a match or two. It's certainly better than the poor American situation where two shaved ape sisters win the matches while Nicole Gibbs has to languish in relative obscurity.

For now, Andreescu will take on Ukrainian hottie Elina Svitolina (9.5/10). She already, by getting to the semifinals, has in this tournament surpassed her lifetime earnings.

Now she just needs to do some more suggestive photo shoots.


For Shame, #YEG

Attention Edmontonians: we have failed the internet.

I'm not being accusatory here, I have failed in the exact same way, but I'm here to help rectify the situation. I was binge watching some "You Gotta Eat Here" over the weekend and I noticed that the iconic Barb and Ernie's Old Country Inn has not yet been featured. This is a shame, the only reason I don't eat a Bratwurst Eggs Benedict from there every week is that sometimes I don't end up drinking on Whyte, Tasty Tom's exists, and I have started making them at home. So that's a second black mark on the show (the host, of course, being the main one), but that's not Edmonton's shame.

I also notice that DaDeO (not Dadeo's as everybody calls it) is also not featured on the show, while Louisiana Purchase is. It's reminiscent of Colby Cosh's line about how Patrick Roy isn't even the best goalie born in 1965: they went to Edmonton's second-best Cajun/Creole restaurant. High Level diner is another blog post entirely.

Our shame, instead, is the YouTube view counts. "The what?" I hear you say...well, Barb and Ernie have a YouTube Channel...and the view counts are absolutely pathetic.

I'm going to put them on a loop next time I run to the grocery store and you should too, because the couple who gave Edmonton decades of eggs benedict joy deserve more than 38 views on their travel videos.