2020-11-26

Question of the Day

Did the far-left extremists at Progress Alberta have anything to say about the whistleblowers who courageously told us about Hunter Biden's laptop, Dominion Voting Machines, or fraudulent mail-in Biden ballots?

Fags (kinda) cause COVID

 


With the raging debate over whether Albertans should care about COVID (we shouldn't), it was worth noting how many online commenters seemed to think that (insert jurisdiction here) is having a lot of Wuhan Flu cases because the people there are "ignorant".

As you can see from the screenshot above, the easy enough retort (as such) to that is that New York City is so rampant with the Wuhan Flu that their exclusion plummets the United States in the international rankings, while some midwest states are relatively COVID-free. As a result, by Jenna Thomas' own metric above, New York City is by far the most ignorant place in North America (with Montreal being the runner up: at one point it was the 7th most ignorant city on the planet). Meanwhile places like Oklahoma or Missouri or Kentucky have much lower Wuhan Flu deaths (and therefore are much less ignorant, apparently). I suppose the national ranking would have to be (from most to least "ignorant" under this formula, with the number being the death rate per 100,000 people):

  1. Queerbec (81)
  2. Ontario (24)
  3. Manitoba (17)
  4. Alberta (11)
  5. British Columbia (7)
    Nova Scotia (7)
  6. Saskatchewan (3)
  7. Yukon (2)
  8. New Brunswick (1)
    Newfoundland and Labrador (1)
  9. Northwest Territories (0)
    Nunavut (0)
    Prince Edward Island (0)
Who knew it could be this easy? Surely if you were an SJW doing a national "ignorance" index this is the ranking and the relative weights you'd throw behind them right? I jest of course: clearly this dumb girl on YouTube didn't come up with any sort of real metric: she just invented a quality after the fact.

I mean it is fun and easy to do. Let's try to think of one off the tops of our heads (without cheating by looking at the post title that you almost certainly have indeed looked at). Well I wouldn't rank Toronto's fag march ahead of Montreal's, surely, and Vancouver and Victoria probably should beat Edmonton and Calgary...but otherwise I would say there's a decent correlation here between the size of each provinces pro-faggot parades and their position on this list.

So let's go with this wacky contention: being pro-fag causes the Wuhan Flu.

It's obviously not entirely out of left field, I wrote about the shocking public policy divergence between AIDS and COVID just a couple days ago. In the early days of the pandemic when we were being assured that Trump was massively screwing up compared to the Shiny Pony, Martok got into it with somebody on Facebook (who thought Trump could take lessons from his counterpart up north) by pointing out that still meant Canada was one of the 15 worst countries in the world. He then asked her if her contention (much like what I did with Jenna's little rant above) was that Canada should be more like other countries who were doing even better than us: such as Saudi Arabia or Pakistan who execute sodomites in the public square. So this idea of "wait aren't there horrible countries doing 'better' than us?" is hardly a new one.

Still, let's run a few numbers. Okay, you got me: I already ran them. The OurWorldInData website posts a running .xlsx spreadsheet of COVID numbers, so that was easy enough to pull. University of California (UCLA)'s Williams Institute put out a global ranking of how sodomy-friendly each individual country is: a metric they hilariously call the "global acceptance index" (or GAYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY). Looking at the top dozen countries we can see Spain, the UK, Belgium, Sweden...hmm the news seems to think those countries are heavy COVID sufferers. I don't see France or the USA until I scroll down a surprising degree (both are next to each other, in fact), and I know I'm not going to see Brazil at the top (though it isn't far behind France). So maybe we're onto something. The data is of course in PDF format so cleaning it up ends up taking WAY more time than it should have.

A small amount of data manipulation had to take place: many countries share a GAI, and I don't know if their internal data has more significant figures but to maintain the rankings I have added 0.001 to each subsequent GAI: Germany Finland Switzerland Puerto Rico all have 7.4 so I've changed them to 7.4, 7.4001, 7.4002, etc. Hong Kong and Nagorno-Karabakh are officially provinces within larger countries so I had to calculate their death per million manually based on Wikipedia's population figures.

More importantly, we know full well that there are discrepancies between how countries calculate COVID deaths. Unfortunately there is no single reliable metric: cases are dependent on the number of people getting tested: that can fluctuate wildly even within countries (Alberta's testing numbers have been very high for months; test the same proportion of the population in Ontario and watch the case numbers change drastically). Active cases are a joke. So death rate, with all the issues with that death rate, is the only thing we have. Obviously it needs to be analyzed per capita, otherwise Jamaica's anti-poofter society with only 239 deaths will make pro-uranist Canada's 11,571 deaths a slam dunk for my case: not to mention all those African countries. China of course is lying it's ass off about it's death-rate as somewhat of a counter-balance: that amazingly low death rate would balance with a GAI lower than Turkey or Swaziland.

So here's the graph:


This is a weak positive correlation and therefore isn't the whole story. Specifically there's a r-value of 0.46601860562348 and an R-squared value of 0.217173340787253, so it's relatively each to find values well outside the range.

Still, however, that correlation is indeed positive. That's more correlation, one notes, than reduction of COVID cases with compliance to facemask directives (a key element that this widely popularized study explicitly mentions it did not check). It certainly means that an SJW's definition of "ignorance" isn't a valid metric.

So we can't blame the faggots for this one (unlike AIDS, for example). Don't worry, it still looks like niggers are a big chunk of American (and presumably Canadian) death rates, which certainly explains Toronto and Montreal...

additional screenshot of data, click to view full-size:



@WPrivilage - everybody deserves lower taxes

It's a common leftist refrain these days:

As with most leftists who use leftist refrains, Azure hasn't put any thought actually into what he said.

Not the part about jogging niggers of course: men "hunted down" suspected criminals that the law hasn't been effectively dealing with. They may or may not have gotten it wrong. Sometimes police get it wrong. But then sometimes gangster-assed niggers open fire on the wrong house. Imperfect people don't always get their man.

The issue is the "LMAO lower taxes" stuff. Even if we took Azure's claim about only people earning over $400,000 annually affected by tax cuts seriously: so what? What's wrong with cutting the taxes of people who make over $400,000? Are they not human beings who earned their money the same as anybody else?

Leftists think they don't, of course. For them, people in mutually beneficial business relationships are stealing their money from somebody (who? they never really say), while governments imposing taxes aren't stealing anything from anybody even though there are massive lists of the citizens they are stealing that money from. (Of course, the "moral looting" crowd doesn't think actual violent theft is theft, but that's just how backwards left-wing thinking really is).

What Azure has done is identified a group of "evil" people he thinks it's okay that he and his gang of 50%+1 [with Biden stealing the election shouldn't that be "48%-1" now? -ed] can gang up on and steal from. That's sick, and it's important to attack this argument at its basic root: just because somebody is richer than you doesn't justify stealing from them. People making over $400,000 are human beings who deserve the fruits of their labours: at the very least if we insist on stealing 40% of their lives we should steal that from all lives equally #AllLivesMatter and all that jazz.

Azure didn't pick this number out of the air of course: that's the "high earners" that FakePresident Biden is proposing to increase taxes on to pay for his evil social programs. That link of course was before the election, when the #FakeNews media believed the pollster lies that the Democrats were on track to sweep the House and Senate: it concedes that if Biden doesn't control all three houses his tax plans will collapse quickly (I guess next time they need to take an extra few minutes on all the fraudulent mail-in ballots to fill in the down-ticket votes). This is, of course, another leftist refrain based on a lie: that if we just "taxed the rich" we could pay for everything they want government to force upon you.

I said earlier attacking this argument on its fundamental philosophical root was the most important, and it is: even if this plan worked, the rationale behind it is evil.

“In view of what they hear from the experts, the people cannot be blamed for their ignorance and their helpless confusion. If an average housewife struggles with her incomprehensibly shrinking budget and sees a tycoon in a resplendent limousine, she might well think that just one of his diamond cuff links would solve all her problems. She has no way of knowing that if all the personal luxuries of all the tycoons were expropriated, it would not feed her family — and millions of other, similar families — for one week; and that the entire country would starve on the first morning of the week to follow . . . . How would she know it, if all the voices she hears are telling her that we must soak the rich?

“No one tells her that higher taxes imposed on the rich (and the semi-rich) will not come out of their consumption expenditures, but out of their investment capital (i.e., their savings); that such taxes will mean less investment, i.e., less production, fewer jobs, higher prices for scarcer goods; and that by the time the rich have to lower their standard of living, hers will be gone, along with her savings and her husband’s job — and no power in the world (no economic power) will be able to revive the dead industries (there will be no such power left).”

- Ayn Rand, “The Inverted Moral Priorities,”

There's another aspect of this evil plan worth noting though: it won't work. Tax increases for one just don't raise the revenue leftists assume they will: they forget that people will make efforts to reduce their taxes. You'd think the party who's so popular with Hollywood celebrities would know about Hollywood Accounting, yet they have this massive blind spot in not understanding that other industries will use the same rationale as their studio bosses looking at royalty cheques. Secondly, as Ayn Rand has noted above and Mark Steyn confirmed with recent real-world data, you can confiscate all their wealth and it won't matter:

And that’s the problem. For what Obama’s spending, there aren’t enough of them, or us, or “the rich” – and there never will be. There is only one Warren Buffett. He is the third-wealthiest person on the planet. The first is a Mexican, and beyond the reach of the U.S. Treasury. Mr. Buffett is worth $44 billion. If he donated the entire lot to the Government of the United States, they would blow through it within four-and-a-half days. OK, so who’s the fourth-richest guy? He’s French. And the fifth guy’s a Spaniard. No. 6 six is Larry Ellison. He’s American, but that loser is only worth $36 billion. So he and Buffett between them could keep the United States Government going for a week. The next-richest American is Christy Walton of Wal-Mart, and she’s barely a semi-Buffett. So her $25 billion will see you through a couple of days of the second week. There aren’t a lot of other semi-Buffetts, but, if you scrounge around, you can rustle up some hemi-demi-semi-Buffetts: If you confiscate the total wealth of the Forbes 400 richest Americans it comes to $1.5 trillion, which is just a little less than the Obama budget deficit for year.

The United States current national debt is $27.248 trillion dollars. Before the Wuhan Flu hit the United States had 155.76 million people working, and yes that includes CEOs. In other words to pay off that national debt each worker would need to average $174,000 in payouts. The mean U.S. salary is $33,706, meaning each worker would need to have their salary fully confiscated for over five years: that means not eating, not paying rent, not going anywhere, anything.

Leftists like Azure will think that "the rich" just pay because their lot isn't very good at math. CEO salaries are included in the mean salary but it still doesn't make a difference in aggregate. Looking at it on a macroeconomics level, in 2018 the U.S. GDP was $20.54 trillion. That means if every U.S. citizen's financial output was totally confiscated (which includes nonpersonal wealth in everything from corporate profit to stock earnings) it still would take one year, 3 months, and 27 days to make up the debt. Of course soon after that every U.S. company would be instantly bought up by their international competition taking advantage of their cashflow situation, meaning no more nonpersonal wealth effectively being generated in the USA and therefore no way to do this a second time and pay for the Joe Biden social programs that presumably are still running. Nor the unfunded liabilities for existing programs: that's $137 trillion. So what does the U.S. economy look like when their GDP is confiscated entirely (remember that means no American can pay for food!) for 6 years 8 months and 2 days?

Azure and his ilk don't think about the reality of their evil desires. They don't even realize they're evil. And that's why their dangerous.

That, and the jogging.

2020-11-25

Couldn't have said it better myself

Our elections in Canada aren't perfect: there isn't enough security around the voter identification process, the mail-in ballots so sought after by the Shiny Pony add additional insecurity, and there's a longstanding problem with Liberals using intimidation to make new immigrants think they have to vote "L" or face deportation. And of course the less said about the new "leaders debate commission" the better.



I was actually thinking a couple weeks ago when Steyn guest-hosted for Rush Limbaugh of calling in talking about much of this same stuff, as well as a little anecdote about the 1997 election:

I was one of the Reform Party scrutineers in Edmonton West. It was a popular riding: along with the Liberal, Reform, Conservative, and NDP candidates, there was also a Marxist-Leninist, Green, and a Natural Law Party candidate. As Tal mentioned in the article, at 8pm the polling station closes down and nobody is allowed in or out until the votes are counted. Every party is allowed a scrutineer: we can rotate throughout the day, but the scrutineer who is supposed to be there for the count has to be there at 7pm. From later in the afternoon the Liberals scrutineer had left (probably had to pick kids up at a babysitter or whatever) and hadn't been replaced.

Around 7:20pm things started getting hectic: the division polling officer had left a voicemail to Anne McLellan's team (this was all before cellphones remember) but no replacement scrutineer had shown up. A flurry of calls were being performed: the riding returning officer had been forced to notify the federal Liberal campaign team of the incident as well as the higher ups at Election's Canada (who by this point, remember, were already into ballot counts in other parts of the country). There was a mad scramble to find a replacement scrutineer and get them to the polling station. By this point those of us in the major parties (Reform, NDP, Conservative) were assured that our own campaigns were already notified of the discrepancy. Finally it was revealed they had managed to get a scruntineer who could make it, but likely would be after 8pm when the polling station was supposed to be sealed.

Word came down that Elections Canada would agree to let him into the otherwise closed polling station at or before 8:15pm on the dot but if he was any later than that he would be refused entry and the count would be done without them. Even this ended up being a controversy of sorts, or at the very least a major outlier. The polling station results were flagged, and since McLellan won by only 12 votes in 1993 it was a concern: because their scrutineer caused a late start at the polling station (he arrived about 5 minutes after 8pm), there was going to be some special treatment (I can't recall what) in the event of a recount that the Liberals were not going to be happy with. In the end the incident ended up being flagged and reviewed by Elections Canada and all parties in the riding were notified of the incident right up at the federal level.

So yes, Canada's elections (at least the 1997 paper ballot method) is extremely secure. No Philadelphia shenanigans happening here!

Manitoba Goes Crazy

Fortunately Ezra is fighting back with facts:


@iamcelinacc - why do Red Indians always need help from whites to build a water well?

Why can't Beetabun Moonias build her own well?

I mean there are a lot of unanswered questions here. You could ask why Celina Caesar-Chavannes can't build this little girl a well either, or at least pay somebody to do it. You may note that instead she is implicitly insisting that the Canadian taxpayer (overwhelmingly white) pay somebody to build her well.

I don't know Beetabun Moonias, is she an orphan? If not, couldn't mommy or daddy (heh, that's funny) build a well for their family (and by extension the child)? Even if they work full time (heh, that's even funnier) they could work on the well evenings and weekends, maybe hold a work bee (rapidly becoming guffaws) where all the Red Indians on the Neskantanga Reserve (to be future stylized as Neskafe) band together and help out a needy member of their community?

You might think of my suggestions as cold-hearted or ridiculous, which instantly says something very bad about you: are you unaware that for millions of Canadians (again, overwhelmingly white) digging a well was a prerequisite of living in their rural home? Why can these white people do it, but Red Indians like the Moonias family are left running away to a (white) settlement like Thunder Bay where the white taxpayers have already paid for infrastructure for their own fresh water?

According to StatsCan, 6.3 million Canadians lived in rural areas in 2011, and while they didn't all have to build their own wells, some proportion of the roughly 2.2 million Canadians who lived in rural areas in 1861 did have to provide their own fresh drinking water, and so on and so forth in the years in between. Strangely enough, these millions of white people got themselves fresh water even without authors crying on Twitter for more welfare

It's right in the tweet by the way: the Neskafe Indians claim to be a "first nation": so why don't they raise money by taxing the economic activity (haha!) on their reserve and use that money to fund fresh water? Or fund their own welfare program where their "nation" pays for Beetabun's family to get a free well?

Predictably, just like the Loon Lake Indians who apparently can't put water on a fire without white man's help, the Neskafe Indians can't put water in a drinking glass without whitey paying in the sweat and/or coinage in order to make it happen. What's with these guys, are they allergic to water or something?

Now I know what you're thinking: if she's in Thunder Bay then the Neskafe Indians must be that band just outside of the city where you can buy cheap gas (since Red Indians despite their endless lies on the subject are tax-exempt in many avenues), which means she lives right by Lake Freaking Superior. You would be wrong though: it's actually right by our good lazy friends in Attawapiskat (previously seen demonstrating the difference between a failed government audit and merely an observation for improvement in accounting practices). 

However since we're in the neighbourhood and on the subject, how did Neskafe Indians do in their mandatory audit? Take it away, Conservative MP for Kamloops-Thompson-Cariboo Cathy McLeod:

There's one band, Neskantaga, where the auditor said he was unable to satisfy himself over the completeness, existence, and valuation of capital assets. This has been for a couple of years now. Are they in third party management? What is the plan for that particular band?

So by March 2017 the Moonias live in a band which has for several years failed their government audit: all evidence speaks to misappropriated funds and (mostly white) tax dollars being wasted. If you go back on that link from my blog about the variance of $3.1B in federal government spending, both the Right Honourable Stephen Harper (pbuh) and I note that the auditor was satisfied with the audit: for those who have been involved in financial audits before the Harper incident was a "OI" or "opportunity for improvement". Much different from an "NC" (nonconformity) and certainly different from the auditor flat out refusing to sign off on the audit which apparently is what had happened in Neskafe in 2015 (and possibly 2014 and possibly 2016 and possibly ever since, it's hard to know if the 2016 audit was complete for the House of Commons at the time of McLeod's questions.

Did Celina Caesar-Chavannes know about the auditor discovering that Beetabun Moonias lives in band who has been failing audits and presumably also mismanaging the money taxpayers have already been sending her (in part) to provide clean drinking water? Probably not: like all brainless SJW activists she just uses this girl as a bludgeon to imply that hateful whitey isn't doing enough and is responsible for killing her. However the fact that you need to dig a well or treatment facility or something to obtain potable water wasn't invented by the white man or "capitalism" or any other leftist boogeyman: it's a fundamental fact of the world we live in, an inescapable fact (which is in a way a boogeyman to the left anyways).

Actually going back to last month's talk about Columbus Day, let's imagine a world just like the SJWs wanted: no Europeans ever set foot on Canadian soil. The Red Indians of Neskafe and Attawapiskat continue to live their nomadic lifestyle around the thousands of unnamed freshwater lakes in their corner of Northern Ontario (roughly same latitude as Saskatoon). No let's ask a crazy question.

How would Beetabun Moonias be receiving their fresh water?

After all, there wouldn't be any whiteman government in Ottawa to petition to. Red Indians are highly unlikely to have invented copper pipes or pumps or radios to even receive boil water advisories on. Wouldn't Moonias be just as screwed, in fact moreso, in this magical world where we left her savage culture intact? Instead of boiling water from the taps to make it safe, she'd have to go scoop it out of the lake "as-is", which anybody who goes camping knows you're warned not to do. Maybe there are some faster moving streams where she and her family could have gone in this scenario to get more-or-less potable water.

So why can't they do this now? And stop blaming whitey for their apparent allergy to water (and/or hard work).

Bonus hilarity: The Shiny Pony helps deliver water bottles to an Indian Reserve during a photo-op, yet another example of white people apparently being required intermediaries in order for Red Indians to get fresh water. Hey wait, isn't he also banning water bottles? Awkward!

2020-11-24

ESKIMOS (and only Eskimos)

The Edmonton Eskimos are asking for suggestions for a new team name, having already decided based entirely on the outcry that one nigger died in Minnesota that they needed a new name change.


They don't, of course. This is your chance to tell them, often and with as many fake names and public IP addresses that you can muster, that you will never -- ever -- cheer for the team under any other name and that unless they return to the Edmonton Eskimos you'll never support them again. This isn't an idle threat either, as you may note. The great thing about being a CFL fan was there were no hipsters treating it ironically (which is beginning to be an NFL issue), the woke social justice crowd never was a fan (which has killed the NHL), and as a result the fandom was a pretty calm and safe place to be. I received nothing but high fives and free beers when I wore my MAGA hat to an Eskimos game in 2017, for example. In the wake of the name change hundreds of social media posts from reported season ticket holders renounced the team forever. To paraphrase Jack Nicholson, the "Edmonton Football Team" will discover that their "queer party friends" don't attend many games or go out to Boston Pizza Canadian Brewhouse in their green and gold.

This is going to be the Klondike Days debacle all over again. After a minor outcry that nobody in the real world took seriously they changed the name of our beloved Klondike Days to the anodyne and ridiculous "Capital Ex" which tanked so badly they again rebranded it as "TheEx" for a year only to ultimately (after insisting "Klondike Days" was never a permitted option) settle on calling it "K-Days" which was the unofficial name for it in the first place, which half the population just resumed the "Klondike Days" moniker. This team will be the "Edmonton Esks" in half a decade, assuming their loss of viewership doesn't kill the CFL outright.

If you really want to have fun with them, of course, seeing how they are so gung-ho to change a perfectly good name (that only brain-dead activists are stupid enough to believe in the first place), I strongly recommend giving them the following alternatives:
  1. The Edmonton Redskins
    For one thing, I hear this name is recently available, so unlike other suggestions like "Edmonton Eagles" or "Edmonton Roughriders" this name isn't already also being used by another team. Plus the Redskins have a long happy storied history, just like the Eskimos.
  2. The Edmonton Engines
    A friend suggested this one and I'm sorry I didn't think of it. Edmonton Engines. Now say it 5 times really fast. Edmonton Engines Edmonton Engines Edmonton Eingines Edmonton Injuns Edmonton Injuns oh wait I get it. A few "lets go injuns!" chants will get the woke SJWs a little upset, sure. But when the visiting Saskatchewan fans, all fuming over how poor Gerald Stanley was treated for deservedly putting lead in Coulton Boushie, can get a little of their own stress relief by replying to that chant with "Injuns suck!" and "Fuck Injuns!" don't be surprised if their empty SJW brains just explode. Hours of fun for all...
  3. The Edmonton Whites Because Whites are Superior
    This one probably goes without saying, no? Apparently calling sports teams full of dedicated professionals at the top of their physical skill putting in superhuman levels of effort for economic impact names like Eskimo or Redskin or Chiefs of Indians or Blackhawks is somehow demeaning to the sad members of the child-race who become tax sponges. I'm not sure how exactly that works. If I were a member of the Cleveland Indians I'd want a name change: no I'm not at all connected to the people who sniff gas from paper bags and can't figure out how to dig a well for myself. As I noted during the 2015 Grey Cup, I'm not sure why Mike Reilly being compared to guys who embezzle tax money and kill toddlers in a fire is offensive to anybody other than Mike Reilly. Yet here we are. So be it: let the team be named after a group of white people, who will appreciate it like the honour it truly is. The Montreal Canadiens or New York Yankees or Dallas Cowboys or New England Patriots are implicitly named after white people, while the Notre Dame Fighting Irish is explicitly so. The whites don't think it a problem: after all, the Denver Broncos are so named because the eponymous horse is a symbol of power and grace and virulity. The Blue Bombers (also named implicitly after whites) were national heros who inspired all with their courage and skill in defeating the Axis powers in WWII, and it's an honour to be named after them. Teams like the Bruins and Cubs are named after the predator who has for years impressed people with his prowess and makes up six of the ten largest land predators (including top two spots). So naming a team after whites imply that being a white person is awesome: as my proposed name explicitly states it's because white people are better than everybody else...if it wasn't true, why name a sports team after them. If this name catches on, don't be surprised that the actual Eskimos or Inuit or whatever throat gurgling sound they've decided is their name start demanding their names be put into a similar place on honour.

@mur1701 - why didn't Canadian governments deny pillow biters treatment in 1983?

So using Murray McNeely logic, when faggots started getting and spreading AIDS in the late 70s/early 80s, the "courageous individuals" who continued to act on their perversions should have been publicly identified and banned from wasting hospital resources on their care.

Remember folks, one of the joys of public healthcare is that "my body my choice" long ago was given up: if government decrees only they can "care for" your body only two unpleasant choices are available. There's the Murray McNeely system where they can decide if you're "social credit" score justifies your care, in which case health department busibodies own your body. The only alternative is one we can call the HSARB system: just like the "death panels" that Sarah Palin (accurately) warned about, eventually to save money the (unsustainable) public healthcare system has to use cold hard cash as the deciding factor in who does and does not get medical care. Currently used to deny out-of-province cases, as the cost of healthcare increases eventually their mandate will have to expand, in which case your body and the decision to cure it belongs to whoever holds the scrips for public debt (ie. the same Chinese Politburo who gifted us with the Wuhan Flu in the first place).

2020-11-19

Calling Bullshit

Hayden Panettiere has never ever ever ever ever had to deal with a guy cheating on her with another woman.

It's almost as bad as Taylor Swift singing about the guy who dumped her.

2020-11-01

Mother Jones get Ryan Jerperson'd

From Reclaim the Net, Mother Jones, which cheered Big Tech's censorship against conservatives, is in a cash crunch as they have suddenly been (partially) unlisted from Facebook. It's the feel-good story of the week.

It brings to mind the recent affair of Ryan Jesperson, the far-left 630 CHED radio host who was fired after a bizarre "racist" rant in which he referred to black staffers of an Edmonton City Councilor as chimpanzees.

The word "racist" of course has to go in scare quotes because nobody on the right seriously believes that Jesperson's comments were racist: he referred to the right-wing councilor's staff as chimps in a ridiculously crass and unprofessional manner for a radio host. But as longtime readers know, there's nothing "racist" about making chimp jokes that would be equally valid for a white staffer. Indeed, Jesperson claimed (and probably correctly) that he had no idea what the ethnic makeup of the staff was.

In a sane world, of course, that would matter. But this isn't a sane world and so it doesn't. I said nobody on the right thinks he's racist, but if you're on the left you either have to accept that Ryan Jesperson is the most racist man in the history of Edmonton and should be banished forever or accept that not every comment that could be about race is about race. Since the latter isn't an option for the eternally offended, then they must choose the former.

They aren't, of course. Already his far-left allies have bounded with him and vow to help him move on with his life, a gracious sentiment they don't offer Ted Morton or those EPCOR employees (blogpost of which coming soon).

In fact, they are anxiously sharing this missive from Jesperson online:

You might have just spit out your coffee reading this (but seriously, it's almost midnight, why are you drinking coffee?).

The only people who "don't get the platform they deserve" are the conservatives who are superior to the savage Indians or BurnLootMurder thugs or faggot child molesters Jesperson always gave a free ride to. Indeed if you remember his "roundtable on cancel culture" the wide range of allowed opinions on the subject were the "cancel culture isn't real you paranoid losers lol" side, debating the "cancel culture is real but everybody we cancel is evil because they disagree with us and disagreement equals hatey hate hate" side. Jesperson was mostly on the first team with a few sympathetic nods towards the second. At no point during his discussions of Residential Schools, Sodomites, or #NiggerLivesMoreImportantThanSocietyMotherFucker was there any dissenting conservative voice allowed on to speak the truth (ie. that there is no systemic racism in Canada and no evidence of it can be demonstrated, that Red Indians needed education and Residential Schools were the way to do it, and that the sick ass pirate agenda is evil and Conversion Therapy was banned because it successfully cured them of their mental diseases).

So with that, seeing Jesperson the victim of the cancel culture he denied was a little just desserts. As Kurt Schlichter says (endlessly), make them play by their own rules.

Jesperson enjoyed telling his leftist lies in his safe media bubble, never realizing that just outside that thin membrane was Mike Nicols, who cleverly used the purported racial makeup of his staff (I'm unsure if any were actually negroes) to force out a leftist "journalist" who made sure only his side of the story was ever allowed.

2020-10-31

Happy Halloween 2020

Best of the Worst: Shock Em Dead, Hollow Gate, and The Satan Killer from r/RedLetterMedia

It's a Saturday night Halloween. Typically this involves going to a large club like Cook County or Barry T's Standard The Ranch Midway or Thunderdome Union, and getting our costume on while watching and photographing large numbers of hot 18 year olds in slutty outfits (and they encourage us to do so!)

Sadly, the Wuhan Flu has interfered with those plans. Now the best case scenario is sitting at a table at Campio and hoping another table 6' or further away happens to be hot girls.

RIP Sean Connery

A week after I rewatched the Connery Bond films, the news comes along that the great man himself, Sean Connery, has died at age 90.

For me, Connery is James Bond. This isn't a unique thing: according to Bond author Ian Flemming, Connery is Bond. According to David Mitchell, Connery is Bond. As David notes, "well, you know James Bond? You're picturing him? Yeah, that's Sean Connery".

Thok Mak wins the day when, after I told him this earlier this morning, he replied with "now go watch a bunch of Justin Trudeau speeches"

One of the other things that come to mind about Connery was, and I was thinking about him a few months ago in this context, is is Sean Connery the biggest name actor never to have a movie discussed by RedLetterMedia?

The answer, surely, is "yes". Since they've recently done Brad Pitt's "Once Upon a Time in Hollywood" he's off the table. "Gravity" took George Clooney off the board (to say nothing of their Batman and Robin commentary track), and The Martian was discussed in one of their Oscars roundup videos. They've covered both Canadian Ryans (Reynolds and Gosling), all of the Marvel movies, numerous Tom Cruise movies, and of course several with Ernest Borgnine. All the Star Wars coverage takes care of those franchise actors including Harrison Ford, while the 80s action stars of Stallone/Schwarzenegger/Willis have been featured (though mostly in other movies). All of the Ghostbusters are covered, with John Candy getting featured in Nothing But Trouble.

DiCaprio has been covered, and so the only other star of 70s+ (ie. modern era) film I can think of would be Jack Nicholson. I suppose it's a tossup if you asked a hundred people who the bigger star was, but I'm going to instinctively say Connery.

The man. The Legend. The Zardoz (okay, not so much the last one). But let's celebrate Sean Connery's life by showing him do what he did best: smack bitches around with such ruggedness that they loved him even more:

One last note: It remains a shame that Connery didn't get to be the first Prime Minister of an Independent Scotland and also that Fred Thompson didn't get to become U.S. President, because whenever they attended a summit together it would also be a Hunt for Red October reunion.

2020-10-29

Classic Bundy

2020-10-28

@ElleTrudgett - "masculine products section" sounds like where I'd find books about math and science

For those who don't feel like following the whole story, the summary is that Tampex hilariously tries claiming their products aren't just for women, but also for...women who have severe mental retardation and stupidity to the point they actually think they're men. This isn't your traditional bulldyke wishing that God had given her a penis, but women whose brains are so broken that they think God not giving them a penis was somehow a clerical error.

Anyways, this man named "elle" whose real name we'll never know thinks its somehow a point that condoms aren't "masculine hygene products" with gendered packaging. The reason the sex of the user isn't displayed graphically on the packaging is of course cultural: as part of the Freudian interpretation of phallic imagery as symbolically castrating (to wit, if you have to brag about it you don't got it), companies tend to avoid putting overly phallic graphics on products even when, in the case of condoms, it makes a lot of sense. But any condom company that put a giant picture of a space shuttle taking off on the package would be slammed by the same moronic twitterers like this Elle guy if they did. In our pussified society expressions of male virility are not looked kindly upon.

Remember kids, this talk about "gender" instead of "sex" is a misnomer. As it happens Mr. Elle accidentally got it forty-percent-right when he called the packaging "gendered". People, like animals, have sexes and sex only. Gender applies to nouns, and generally only comes up in Romance Languages: le boîte en carton for example. All packages are female because we can stick things in them...

It's worth considering of course that there's also a good reason we don't find condoms in a section called "masculine products". And no, it's not the cheap joke at the top of this post about how a "masculine products section" would be full of things like power tools, spark plugs, books about math and logic, BBQ tongs, and AR-15s. Instead, the reason we find condoms in a section called "family planning" which is usually a section at the end of the aisle with greeting cards and feminine hygene, is because the target audience for condoms isn't men, but women.

After all, condoms are literally there to plan for (not having) families. Unlike Tampex's products which satisfy the requirement to "not bleed and/or slime from the monthly discharge from your cervix", Durex's products are intended for "if you want to boink this girl and not become a father". Even that's a bit of a "meeting this Elle guy halfway" argument though, because men have for centuries had a way to achieve this: simply not be a father. No requirement to spend any of your hard-earned cash on a little piece of latex/sheepskin when not giving her your last name and doing it at her place, a technique that pretty much began with the invention of the big anonymous city, already exists and works so well.

So no, the "gender identity" (ie. sex) of the person putting the product on his (always "his", as only men have them) penis isn't of particular import to the marketing department of condom manufacturers: much of the time it isn't his idea to wear it in the first place, and a good number of those times he probably isn't even the half of the equation that went to the apothecary in the first place.

Bonus tranny idiocy:

The fact that hermaphrodites (likely less than 100,000 people on the entire planet) exist doesn't mean that a man who decides he wants to be a women actually is a women. It would be like noting that dogs have four legs: yes some are born with only three legs and a little stump but you know full well that is an abnormality. In fact, there's a simple metric to explain this:
tranny intersex broken brain broken body DNA trannies insanity

Not that I needed more evidence of this, but just like faggots notice that Elle and his people, even with all of society telling them the lie that they are normal, are still suicidal as result of their mental insanity.

2020-10-24

Pilot Star Trek: Deep Space Nine liveblog: "Emissary"

With a week to go before Halloween, what could be more appropriate a watch than the pilot episode "Emissary" of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine. Oh, you mean an actual horror TV show or movie? Even a horror-themed episode of Star Trek like "Catspaw" or "Schisms" or "Wolf in the Fold" or "Night Terrors"? Or the more horror themed DS9 episodes like "Empok Nor" or "Distant Voices"?

Nah, "Emissary" it is. So here we go. First a few housekeeping things. For one, this is going to be the Netflix version of the show. For another, since the event itself isn't itself "live" I'm actually able to stop and pause in order to type out a full thought, so if you're following along partway through this event on Saturday October 24th evening (Edmonton time) you may find you've gotten far ahead of me. I can also stop for bathroom breaks, phone calls, etc.

So with all that underway, let's get things moving. Here's the first episode of Star Trek: Deep Space Nine

0:05: We start with a Star Wars themed opening crawl. It's Stardate 43997, and the famed Battle of Wolf 359 is underway.

0:28: It's Martok, but he's a Vulcan! We see some of Paramount's $12M in operation as what at the time was the most exciting battle sequence ever shown on a Trek TV show is presented to us. I remember first watching this in 1993 and being very impressed. Who knew how much more would come over the next 7 years?

1:44: The U.S.S. Saratoga is about 2 minutes from a warp core breach. Martok is dead and first officer Benjamin Sisko is working on evacuating the civilians to escape pods. Wait, why are there civilians? I remember this bothering me in 1993. The Galaxy-class ship was supposed to be the first Starfleet ships that had families, and at least there it made sense: 42 decks and a 705m long superstructure. Lots of room for families and creature comforts and the like. This is a 100-year-old Miranda-class ship (or at least a variation). There shouldn't be room for families on this ship. Also, couldn't they have been evacuated first? Starfleet (Admiral Hanson himself perhaps?) picked Wolf 359, it's where the Federation fleet was lying in wait. Wasn't evacuating civilians (even ones who logically shouldn't be there) part of the plan?

2:34: Sisko is looking for Jennifer as a ship explodes in the window. This could have still happened in my scenario: just have Jennifer be part of Starfleet, and leave Jake out of this for now.

2:52: Jennifer is already dead: Felicia Bell is just laying still with her eyes closed in what will be the most authentic acting job she ever does.

3:31 Containment failure in two minutes as Jake is carried away and Sisko is pulled away from his dead/dying wife against his will. She's trapped and they couldn't free her. This whole sequence really is running much too long.

4:14: Sisko's pod is ejected as he watches the Saratoga, Jennifer's body still aboard, explodes.

4:35 Stardate 46379.1, three years into the future.

4:55: We get our first good look (and should be first look) at Sisko's son Jake played by Cirroc Lofton. We also get our first look at calm communicative Sisko, as he lies off his ass assuring Jake that other kids will be around.

5:30: Surprising nobody we discover this is a holodeck.

5:51 We get our first long look at Deep Space Nine, the Cardassian station (in orbit of Bajor) that will be our home for the next seven years and 177 episodes.

6:00 Exactly six minutes in (could have trimmed 60-90 seconds on the Saratoga) we start the Deep Space Nine theme song with the nice CGI comet and a runabout, with fading shots showing us the space station. The keen eye will notice no sign of the planet, but probably wouldn't think anything of it. I like this theme song and it's a shame that (like the series) it's the black sheep of 90s Trek: it rarely gets covered in orchestral presentations or remixed by YouTube fans like TNG or Voyager are.

7:55: Sisko records his log entry and we see the Enterprise-D docked at the station, but no sign of the ship Sisko arrived on for some reason. Ben gives us the basic background to the show: Starfleet is going to be running the station at the request of the provisional government of Bajor, recovering from being conquered by the Cardassians who have just left. I admit I forget if the details of the Cardassians leaving Bajor was explicitly tied to the Federation. It would be nice if this was made clear, and if so it could have been used to really help nuance some of the Bajor-Federation tensions in the early season. Kira and the Bajoran resistance likes to think they made it too annoying to remain on Bajor, but more likely the Federation pushed them to abandon the planet during the peace talks. Remember, during the first season of TNG there was an ongoing war between those powers.

8:39: Sisko: "Why hasn't anybody cleaned this up?"
O'Brien:"We've got all available personnel assigned to repairing primary systems, sir".
I like how Colm Meany has that patented O'Brien barely-contained exasperation already at the ready. "Dude, we've got more important things to worry about". I also like how "Production Designer: Herman Zimmerman" is on screen when we get a wide sweeping shot of the Promenade set that he so loving built/stole from the Babylon 5 zoccolo concept. Yes, I'll be bringing a few of these things up.

9:20 Bajoran monk guy (not a Vedek, from what I can tell) asks Sisko to enter the temple and meet the Prophets. Sisko delays it and we needlessly get a shot of monk guy looking back suspiciously at Sisko. He literally never ever becomes any sort of threat or problem to anybody.

9:57: Jake doesn't like how his bedroom only has a cushion on the floor, and O'Brien suggests bringing a bed over from the Enterprise. This raises an interesting problem: if the starship with all the replicators is right there, why don't they requisition a lot more stuff that they'll need while it's handy? All the Starfleet quarters should be getting new furniture and maybe a few more fancy 24th century toys.

10:03: "Captain Picard needs to see you as soon as possible" O'Brien says. Sisko's look tells us that he isn't going to arrange for possible to be anytime soon.

10:09: The medical and science teams arrive "tomorrow". This is after Star Trek: Generations so it would be a nice callback if the episode could make it clear this took place on Monday.

10:21: The food replicators (wait, Cardassians have those? then why need the mining station?) are down and O'Brien says there are plenty of rations. Well can't the Enterprise bring some real food too? Can't Guinan cater the whole place for a couple days?

10:52: Our first look at a busy Ops and the elevator that inexplicably is open for the last part of route. Gul Dukat's old office is upstairs in case you didn't get that the prefect should be looking down on everybody else.

11:26: The environmental controls are stuck at +32C. Maybe it's just me (it's presently -8C in Edmonton) but these California people don't understand how noticeable hot temperatures really are. Sisko asks if it's warm. At 32C you don't have to ask. The movie Star Trek: First Contact is even worse, where LaForge notes it's "unusually warm" when the Borg bring the temperature up to +39C in Engineering.

11:40: Sisko's about to visit Kira. O'Brien asks if he ever served with any Bajoran women, and he's obviously referring to Ensign Ro who was supposed to take Kira's role when the show was first envisioned. To my mind Bajorans shouldn't be in Starfleet if the planet isn't member of the Federation: Data and Worf were obviously Federation 'citizens' regardless of their racial heritage. Not so Ro or any of the Bajorans we meet in Starfleet throughout TNG/DS9/Voyager. Kira being outside Sisko's direct command will be useful later. O'Brien, of course, worked with Ro before: specifically he and her interfaced often in the TNG episode "Disaster" where O'Brien had to be the go-between between Ensign Ro and Counsellor Troi. Apparently all Bajoran women are "fiery" which is a fancy word for "giant bitch".

11:58 Here's the infamous Major Kira Nerys. We get our first look at Nana Visitor's crazy pilot episode hairstyle. She's deliberately playing up her anger with Sisko and he's being Roddenberry-era calm and serene. She basically explains how she is against Starfleet running the show, that she and the provisional government disagree a lot, and how she was a fighter for independence. Here's her full backstory for us, and she notes that the Cardassians 60 years ago came to Bajor pretending to be like the Federation. Why, I'm not sure: they were quite clearly an invading power. Sisko's "let's work together" speech is interrupted by a security issue on the promenade

14:05: We get our first look at Odo as played by the late/great René Auberjonois. His makeup looks especially horrible as he confronts Nog and his alien co-criminal who tries to kill Odo for apparently no reason other than to show off the (at the time) cool shapeshifting effects. He then tries to run, Odo stops him, and Sisko phasers everybody into silence. For those keeping track, the Babylon 5 pilot also featured a scene like this ("no dust!") with the commander going down to get involved in a law enforcement matter. Odo says he doesn't allow weapons on the Promenade which apparently won't ever come up again: he allows armed deputies and later armed Jem'Hdar aswell.

15:49: Quark (in Rom's nose) shows up to unsuccessfully barter for Nog's release. Sisko describes plea bargaining as an "old Ferengi legal tradition" he plans to exploit.

16:15: The infamous Sisko-Picard scene on the Enterprise-D sets where Sisko really hits Picard by mentioning Wolf 359, but I still can't get over how Patrick Stewart mispronounces "Bajor". Picard helps set the tone by pointing out the Federation -- an organization of hundreds of planets -- can barely provide relief efforts. He talks about factions of Bajorans at each other's throats which doesn't really come up in the series,and how Sisko's job is to help Bajor enter the Federation as long as he doesn't violate the Prime Directive. Picard, who serves in an ideal environment, reminds Sisko that he might be assigned to non-ideal environment. Sisko angrily tells Picard he'll do his job until he quits and Picard lets him leave.

19:35 Quark and Odo do some of their patented bickering. The interactions between the two always stand out in the first season. Sisko assures Quark that he's going to work under Bajoran rules,then says he must run honest games. I'm sure those two are in alignment, but is Sisko 100% sure of this?

20:32 "When governments fall people like me and lined up and shot" says Quark. He's sort of right, he's a victim in the second season when the provisional government comes closest to falling: however Quark's prediction it would soon fall was way off: even Jaro's coup wasn't really jeopardizing the provisional government itself.

22:40 Only Kai Opaka can prevent civil war on Bajor, because religion holds them together. "The Storyteller" later in this season will contradict this. Creepy Bajoran monk comes back and says "it is time", leading Sisko away to what turns out to be Bajor and Opaka. Kira gives a look with a music sting, but she can't possibly know that where he's going can she?

24:30: Opaka says Sisko's arrival was long-anticipated. It wouldn't be until the Sarah Sisko storyline in the seventh season before we'd know how true this was. Opaka explores Sisko's "pah" which sounds just like the Klingon word for "zero" which bothered me a lot in 1993. Opaka calls it their "lifeforce" less then 10 minutes after Patrick Stewart appeared on the show.

25:10: The "emissary" thing is brought up. Opaka seems both surprised and nonchalant about this revelation at the same time. She really should sell more how crazy this emissary discovery is, whether or not she expected it (which the episode doesn't make clear).

26:20: We get our first "prophet vision" where Sisko in hot sand meets a suntanning Jennifer. Felicia Bell is holding her open swimsuit on to avoid showing us her goods, and she's talking which means she's showing how bad of an actress she is. Sisko is realizing he's re-living the moment they met and she's living as if it was really that time. To be fair, Avery Brooks isn't doing a great job in this scene either, we get a yelp for no apparent reason.

28:40: Sisko mentions he graduated from Starfleet: Jennifer told him her mother assured her to avoid Starfleet officers, but this could easily be fixed in my "no civilians on the Saratoga" concept. Sisko mentions his father in the past tense for the first time, and creeps out this version of Jennifer before the vison ends and Sisko is back on Bajor. Was this just a vision? This isn't the Orb of Time which is currently on Cardassia waiting to be taken back in the "Trials and Tribble-ations" episode. Memory Alpha says this is the Orb of Prophecy and Change, so why is it showing an alternate version of the past where Sisko appears to interact with Jennifer as if he was really travelling through time?

29:53: Opaka mentions that this is one of nine orbs, and the other 8 are with the Cardassians. She mentions the Celestial Temple and decided Sisko needs to find the wormhole and stop the Cardassians from deciphering the orb's secrets. The problem is that these two things are totally different: Sisko finds the temple in this episode, but can't stop Cardassian scientists from prodding orbs light-years away. Opaka says Sisko must warn the prophets. Yet again, this journey doesn't achieve the goal she assigns to it.

32:11: Quark's bar is open! And it's a flurry of activity with aliens drinking and playing games and getting their fortunes read and Sisko grabs a seat next to Morn.

32:56: Sisko asks about the local synthale. Quark's response: "You won't like it. I love the Bajorans, such a deeply spiritual culture, but they make a dreadful ale. Never trust ale from a god-fearing people". Apparently DS9 writers are unaware of Trappist beer traditions.

33:34: Half an hour in, another starship arrives with Bashir and Dax. We see Bashir's aggressive flirtation with Jadzia which will be an annoying character trait for the first third of the show's run. Jadzia apparently is 28. Sisko and Dax do a bit of discussion about how she used to be Curzon but seems to handle it very well. I know a large number of reviewers have mentioned this already but the show really missed a chance to start the season off with Curzon: if not a permanent part of the crew at least bring him in for episode 3 or 4. You could even establish Jadzia as the science officer with the knowledge that she would be taking over the Dax symbiot when Curzon died in the pilot, and make it clear that was going to happen very soon. Then we could get some time with Jadzia as Jadzia, some time with Curzon Dax,and then at the end of that episode where Curzon dies meet the new Jadzia Dax. Ideally we'd even get one last scene of a dying Dax-less Curzon interacting with Sisko. It would help too for them to properly establish how the joining worked. As TNG showed us Trill, we expect that this person Sisko is talking to is 100% slug. DS9 would never quite decide how they wanted the relationship.

34:54: "Real frontier medicine". This is the infamous scene where Bashir talks about the adventure and the heroism on the frontier and Kira smacks him down for it. "This wilderness is my home": Kira tries to play up the "this is the centre of the universe to us" angle which never really satisfied me. Sorry if it bursts Kira's bubble but Bashir is 100% right. For Christ's sake the station's name is "Deep Space Nine": what did you think "deep" was in reference to? The Bajorans really are simple folk compared to the Federation and he is going to the edges of the map. We never get a good sense in the pilot and much of the show, but you get the sense that Bajor is opening new areas of space for the Federation to explore even before the Gamma Quadrant becomes part of the "backyard" as well.

36:03 Sisko and Dax and studying the orb combining the monk's research with what's clearly Cardassian scanners. Why not bring a better (presumably) Federation one over from the Enterprise? Or go over there during the couple hours you have before they are scheduled to depart? Sisko seems to think it's a race to analyze it before the Cardassians discover orb secrets. But are they? And are they likely to discover the wormhole?

36:53: Here's a brief orb scene of Jadzia getting the Dax symbiote. Unfortunately we don't learn anything about any of the 3 characters in this scene (Jadzia, Curzon, Dax slug) as none of them have any real conversation. What a waste.

38:30: O'Brien on the Enterprise-D bridge: he's in his TNG uniform and debating going into the Ready Room. Apparently Picard's working the night shift today, since none of the senior officers/TNG lead actors are on the bridge. O'Brien instead goes to Transporter Room 3 where Picard himself beams our TNG/DS9 crossover character over. It's a nice sweet moment. In retrospect it would be nice for Picard to say "you sure you don't want Worf to come join you?

40:14: The TNG theme plays and the U.S.S. Enterprise sails away.

40:22: We come back from commercial break with menacing music and a Cardassian ship on the viewscreen. This was an awkward transition, we as the viewer feel like we missed something. Gul Dukat wants to beam aboard and O'Brien in his DS9 uniform mentions it's a funny coincidence that the Enterprise just left 8 seconds ago. For us literally it did: don't they have sensors? Didn't they at some point detect a Cardassian ship in or en route to Bajoran space? Are the Cardassians even allowed in Bajoran space? They really should play this up more.

41:30: Dukat tells us how much he wants his office back. Don't worry, Dukat, you'll get it. Sisko grants him an open invitation and this is still Bajoran space and I'm still bothered by this. However soak up the scenery chewing wonder of the legendary star of Tango and Cash Marc Alaimo, who has perfectly nailed his creepy "hero of Star Trek: Terok Nor" persona right from the get-go. It's worth noting that Alaimo's IMDB photo page shows none of the photos of his non-Trek roles: just Gul Dukat and an aged Alaimo at conventions. Here's a photo of him in his prime

41:52: Poor defense systems (this will be a problem for a while) and a remote frontier outpost. Dukat implicitly threatens Sisko and discusses how he knew about Opaka and the orb, and all I'm thinking is even the guy who's empire lives next door to Bajor acknowledges he lives in the middle of nowhere and is less frustrated about this than Kira was.

43:20: Dax is telling Sisko how she thinks that the celestial temple might be in the Denorius Belt. It's a charged plasma field that nobody would want to be anywhere near in the 24th century, and it's where five of the orbs were found. I thought all the orbs fell from the sky on Bajor itself, not stumbled across in open space. Also, minor quibble, but if this dangerous Denorius Belt is really where the wormhole is located then why doesn't this come up at any point in 175 of the next 176 episodes (it is a plot point in "Times Orphan")? Memory Alpha describes the Denorios belt as akin to the asteroid field between Mars and Jupiter which doesn't track with what Dax is telling us here. Sisko says they need to sneak past the Cardassians to find the temple. I'm unsure why they can't wait.

45:00: Sisko has Kira and O'Brien shut Quarks Bar down so they can force the Cardassians to put their winnings into an Odo-bag. Was violating the agreement with Quark the only way Sisko could think to encourage the Cardassians to take something aboard their ship with them?

46:18: Enjoy that Odo morph effect: won't see it again for half a season.

46:59: We get our first look at the Runabout-class vessel and its docking bays.

47:30: Odo disables the Cardassian vessel which is technically an act of war. Odo then beams back aboard after O'Brien does his best Arthur Fonzerelli impersonation by kicking the console. Hopefully the Cardassians don't detect the residual transporter trace and all that technobabble that helps our team figure out a transport happened hours days months ago.

48:33: "Sensors are picking up unusually high proton counts". Protons are the basic building blocks of matter. So shouldn't she be saying "I'm picking up an object and/or a large number of objects"?

49:00: Roughly halfway through the episode we get our first look at the Bajoran wormhole. After being tossed about inside the wormhole (which never happens again) they find themselves in unfamiliar territory. Majel Barrett identifies the closest star system as Dedron. Despite this being 70,000 light years away Sisko seems to recognize the name. Also bizarre, apparently in the 22nd century Earth was able to send probes into the Gamma Quadrant. Why they didn't mention this as being from an astronomer looking through a telescope? It could still be in our future without this bizarre idea of a "Quadros 1 probe". Why didn't the Dominion blow it up?

50:37: Sisko stumbles across the truth: "Stable wormhole" a lot faster than he probably should have. He reminds me of the Jeff Goldblum character on South Park. Or Batman in the 1966 Adam West TV show figuring out Riddler's clues.

51:35: There's an atmosphere inside the wormhole. Did the prophets just temporarily put this here, and the ground and everything? Again, this rocky matte painting er I mean planetoid never comes up again.

52:30: She sees a beautiful paradise, he sees a rocky hellhole. It's like modern day politics encapsulated in this one scene: everybody gets their own planet to observe.

53:29: Sisko and Dax both get shocked by a floating orb and Dax sees Sisko's worldview before disappearing. Avery Brooks has to roll around a lot and pretend he's seeing optical effects yet to be added.

54:20: Sisko gets a whited out prophet-vision, while an orb-shaped glowing object leaves the wormhole headed for DS9 and apparently also Bajor. This is a 3hr trip,and somehow within seconds it can make it to Bajor.

55:00: O'Brien beams it aboard and it turns out to be....Jadzia! 1993 me is screaming how the Trills cannot be transported.

55:48: Sisko's prophet visions arrive. Jake, Picard, Opaka, and Jennifer communicate with Sisko who figures out he needs to communicate with them rather quickly. They apparently don't understand time.

57:02: In Ops they try to mount a rescue operation, but the Cardassians are already heading there. Kira wants to move the station for some reason, and wants it done ASAP. Jadzia and O'Brien plan to lower the station's intertial mass in order to manuevre and request backup from Starfleet.

48:42: Odo demands to come along with Kira/Dax/Bashir because he wants to explore the Denorious Belt with them and hopefully learn about his mysterious past.Does he have a mysterious past? Yes, because he just finished explaining it to us. Shouldn't he and Kira have discussed this earlier, and he could just make reference to it in a way that informed the audience but also was less clunky?

59:35: Picard, Locutus, and some baseball player are now angrily insisting that Sisko be destroyed. We get to see Sisko and Locutus spar on the Saratoga bridge. Vulcan Martok somehow has no dialogue. What a shame. Anyways Sisko tries explaining time to them and I'm already bored. I was also bored in 1993.

1:02:20: O'Brien argues with the Cardassian computer and begins to move the station out of Bajoran orbit. Things aren't going well.

1:03:10: O'Brien is manually doing something to avoid having the station blow itself apart. It works. DS9 was almost destroyed and we saved it at the last minute. During the first two seasons this happened way more often than it should have.

1:04:08: Odo makes reference to Dukat not being rational and sensible. This is a decent line but it isn't even remotely true with what we've learned about Dukat. He can see reason perfectly fine, he just filters it through being evil. Likewise Dukat mentions that the aliens will be less hostile to Cardassians, and he should know that's not likely going to be a problem. Dukat is concerned that Sisko is negotiating with the prophets for Federation advantage which seems a much better argument. "So much for reason" Odo remarks,but again what Dukat just talked about was very reasonable from his perspective. As a final note, how does Dax know that there was any lifeforms inside the wormhole? Sisko met them after she left.

1:06:03: Sisko tries to explain to Prophet!Jennifer how time works and how the real Jennifer is dead. Sisko and Prophet!Jennifer watch past Sisko/Jennifer discuss having children aboard a starship which again should only involve Galaxy-class ships. Brooks isn't really nailing how weirded out he is that he's talking with his dead wife. I guess this experience helps explain why Mirror!Jennifer didn't phase him very much three years from now.

1:08:53: Sisko's vision is disrupted by the Cardassian ship entering the wormhole. Every time another ship enters it apparently bothers the prophets. How this jives with their not understanding linear time issue is an exercise for the reader.

1:09:03: The Cardassian ship enters the Gamma Quadrant but as the Runabout approaches the wormhole seems to explode and they pass through the event horizon without going in. The prophets angrily tell Sisko that he doesn't appreciate the consequences of his actions, which is totally a linear time thing.

1:10:03: Vulcan Martok finally speaks! J.G. Hertzler's voice never fails to impress. He says something about not knowing consequences before they happen, which I guess resolves the plot hole I just had.

1:10:47: Prophet!Jennifer is impressed by the concept of procreation. But we know from Sarah Sisko that they know all this sort of stuff. On a 1930s baseball diamond complete with old cars the prophets want to understand the game. "I was afraid you'd ask that" says Sisko trying to explain baseball to aliens who not only don't understand baseball or cricket but indeed not time itself. Poor bastard.

1:12:03: Sisko using baseball to teach them time and the value of uncertainty is actually a pretty good plot point. Why Sisko brings it back to "being humans" is a little weird seeing how most alien races (especially in the Federation) all think much the same way.

1:13:29: Three more Cardassian warships are coming in, and Kira wants to disguise the lack of weaponry on the station.

1:13:50: The Cardassian commander is furious about Dukat's missing ship and doesn't believe Kira's wormhole talk because they don't detect any wormhole. However, stable wormholes are the exception not the norm: so why is he insisting that it no longer present is evidence of a problem.

1:14:49: Red alert! Shields (such as they are) are raised, the Cardassians demand surrender and cutoff communication with Starfleet. This is a pretty major act of war against the Bajorans and the Federation, they really should play that up more. Does he have authorization from Central Command to launch this attack? Can't one of the Federation people push this issue? Kira wouldn't understand interstellar politics but Jadzia has a slug inside her with decades of history negotiating treaties on behalf of the Federation! This topic should really come up: I know that the frontier setting requires a little rougher a universe, but this really makes no sense. Playing up that he should really ask for permission and he sends one of his ships away from the jammed communication area to request the order to fire would give a more organic ticking clock element.

1:15:15: Kira: "I need at least a day to make the necessary preparations."
Jessad: "You have one hour".
Or, instead, we can get this sort of cliched writing.

1:1602: Odo is going to evacuate people to shelters since the shields can't cover the whole station. Bashir can't believe the Cardassians will attack this station. O'Brien, who of course fought them, argues differently. This is a less convincing handwave of my plot hole than the last time. This isn't Setlik III Miles: for one thing that happened during an actual war. You've got a peace treaty with the spoonheads now and you should be trying to use this fact to resolve the problem. O'Brien and Kira don't want to surrender though and the Enterprise is about 20 hours away.

1:16:44: Sisko keeps finding himself on the burning Saratoga looking at a dead Jennifer,and he and the prophets both accuse each other as always being the ones who bring this particular vision quest to the forefront. Prophet!Jennifer seems to be figuring things out, and she helps Sisko understand that in a way he never stopped living in the moment of her death.

1:19:03: "No, it is not linear". Way to bridge the gap between the two species there Benjamin.

1:20:05: Kira wants to fire six photon torpedoes across Jessad's bow as a warning shot. Problem is, that's their entire supply. "We're not going to win this battle with torpedoes, Chief"

1:20:51: Jessad and Kira spar: she's reminding him that she's a resistance fighter who has been fighting against them all the time and isn't going to default to a diplomatic solution. Thanks to O'Brien's tinkering the Cardassians penetrate the thoron field and discover thousands of photon torpedoes and fully armed phaser banks. It's all a ruse though, and Jessad sees through it instantly. As a nice callback, in "Way of the Warrior" the Klingons assume the same ruse only this time it turns out the Federation did arm the station.

1:22:14: Jessad and his first officer argue: the fourth order can arrive in a day, but so can Starfleet. The Cardassians call them in (I thought they had jammed communications) and go into tactical position. The first officer asks why risk a confrontation, and this plot hole gets pulled a little wider. What if Central Command says "wait you want to declare war on the Federation over one ship going missing without any evidence they did anything to it? And it's just Gul Dukat who half of us hate anyways? No. Let them sit in front of what every piece of information we have is no stable wormhole. You're ordered to stand down"?

1:22:40: The Cardassians open fire. This is different than the Babylon 5 pilot where the Vorlons showed up and threatened the station without opening fire. Odo is guiding Morn and some others to safety. O'Brien rigs the phasers to produce one decent strength blast.

1:23:31: The Cardassians cause a lot of damage with their shots, blowing up half the Promenade and causing a lot of stunt men to fly around on wires. One of the stunt men is dressed as a Cardassian which makes zero sense. Was that Garak? One of the leftover soldiers on shore leave? Also at least two people appear to be dead from falling pillars: shouldn't there be consequencess? The ruptured fuel conduit really was an excuse fora lot of pyrotechnics and exploding miniatures, but it at least showed more destruction than a typical episode could. I recall the Star Trek: Voyager pilot doing a lot of this too, which is really ironic seeing how little the ship took damage over the following 7 years ("Year of Hell" and "Equinox" notwithstanding).

1:24:04: Wait Bashir wasn't down on the Promenade where he would be needed?

1:24:38: "You and you, you've just become nurses". Oh, wait, that was Chekov's line in Star Trek: Generations.

1:25:12: The exact second Kira is about to order surrender, Dax's sensors pick up the neutrino emissions signalling the wormhole is activating. The wormhole then waits twelve seconds so that Dax can explain all of this and Kira can order it be put on screen.

1:25:40: The Rio Grande comes out with the Cardassian ship in tow. We did see earlier when they entered the Gamma Quadrant they had some sort of sparky problems on their hull. I guess this disabled them? Until the same time that Sisko and the wormhole aliens reached an understanding? Or did they hold Dukat's ship in place on the return trip? Or did they let Sisko through to tractor the Cardassians back? Why didn't Sisko ask to go to our side first? Was there something specific with the Cardassian ship that they didn't get through the wormhole with their systems intact?

1:26:10: Dukat tells the other Cardassians to stand down. See Odo? He's reasonable.

1:26:39: Bashir says 13 injuries and no fatalities. Dude I saw a giant piece of metal land on a guy who's eyes were closed as he lay on the ground. What are you talking about?

1:26:50: Jake's okay (except he shouldn't be wandering around). Sisko the Emissary walks among his people surveying the damage much like Guiliani did after 9/11.

1:27:22: The Enterprise rolls back into town as Sisko explains the prophets "have agreed to allow safe passage for all ships travelling to the Gamma Quadrant". So when the Dominion start coming through in Season 5 can't he negotiate a new deal? "Please don't allow those ships"?

1:28:10: Picard says it was the Runabout towing that ultimately ended the fight, even though Dukat ordered it. Sisko warns that the strategic value means the Cardassians are going to be causing problems, but Picard now pronounces "Bajor" correctly and assures it's now on the map. Maybe he only mispronounces obscure and unimportant planets? Also, ever since the episode "Ensign Ro" it has been clear that Bajor was "on the map" as far as the Federation is concerned. But at least now DS9 is an important outpost. Maybe lose the "deep"? Sisko tells Picard not to ask Starfleet to replace him after all, he thinks he's where he belongs. They shake hands, and Odo and Bashir walk the Promenade. Kira assures Quark that he's not allowed to cheat anymore because he's a "community leader". In other words, I was right earlier: Bajoran law in theory permits dishonest casino games. Imagine if she went against Sisko's plan for honest games only. Dax/Sisko/O'Brien discuss the work ahead of them as we boldly sit where no man has sat before with three Talarian warships from TNG hanging around pretending to be science vessels.

So that, my friends, was the opening to Deep Space Nine. This and "Broken Bow" are probably the best pilot episodes of modern Trek. I prefer this one: it has some clunky moments especially in the first third, but all and all it's a good intro to the show. As I and others have noted, it's Denise Crosby-proof: Bashir is really the only character who wants to be there (and ironically is the one the stuido wanted to get rid of). Borrowing from JMS' Babylon 5 novel-in-space concept there are ways to easily replace any actors who aren't working out or characters you want to retool. Sisko doesn't want to be there so he can request a transfer. Kira doesn't want to be there, the provisional government just wanted her out of the way and could always find a Li Nalis. Dax could (and will) die and be replaced by another actress. Quark is only there due to blackmail. O'Briens wife could force him to leave. Jake might be sent away for his own safety. And finally, Jeffrey Combs could show up on screen one day and say "hey everybody, it's me Odo, what do you think of my new face"?

A lot of plot points were introduced and the writers given enough leeway to decide what to do about them. Like a Teddy Ruxpin crystal, you can always find a new orb to advance some crazy plot when you need to meet Jim Kirk or your Mom or just have a Ferengi episode. Sisko is the Emissary of the Prophets but they don't really delve into what that means. We don't learn anything about the Gamma Quadrant itself in this episode either, so deciding if it's a wasteland of primative Kazon or Borg space or Dominion territory or whatever is left to the future as well. (Though this probably should have been decided before this episode aired, even if it didn't get into it). Our lead character has a strong narrative and character arc, Kira learns to accept that the Federation ain't all bad, and O'Brien gets to be hard done by. Odo and Quark get to feud.

Good work guys. You earned your shift in the writers room today. It's quitting time, why don't you all Move Along Home...